In the great state of Fenris-topia, the benevolent dictator and Grand High Poo-Bah is about to address the nation:
Grand High Poo-Bah Fenris:
Ladies and Gentlemen, citizens of the glorious country of Fenris-topia. an issue has come to my attention that needs addressing: One of our founding principals is “Equality of Opportunity” and, well, frankly the current state of marriage laws doesn’t fit that principal. Certain groups of people are getting special treatment from the state, while others can’t join their group. This is wrong and, as benevolent dictator, I have the power to correct it, and throw any member of my powerless, figurehead parliament who disagrees into the scorpion pit. Thus the following (and this goes for ALL marriages, straight or gay): The state will no longer sanction, approve, deny, affirm or condemn marriages. Any marriages. Gay, straight, lesbian, transgendered, whatever, the state, as of now stands neutral. Here’s how Fenris-topia will deal with marriages in the future:
Inasmuch (I’ve always wanted to start a sentence with “inasmuch”!) as marriage consists of two parts: the lovey-huggy-touchy-kissy-promise-before-God-and-man-commitment stuff and the contractual stuff, I’m going to deal with this in two parts:
First: The lovey-huggy-touchy-kissy-promise-before-God-and-man-commitment stuff. As a person, I love all of you, my loyal subjects. I’ve been invited to your wakes, bar-mitzvahs, weddings and births. However as Grand High Poo-Bah, I must follow another of our founding principles: “It’s None Of The State’s Goddamned Business!” Who you choose to have a commitment with is simply none of the state’s business, except to insure that it’s between consenting adults. The commitment part of marriage is between you, your spouse, your family and friends (if any) your church (if any) and your God (if any). Frankly, the state doesn’t care, nor will the state venture an opinion about which form of marriage God approves of. Any member of the powerless, figurehead parliment who thinks to officially condemn a marriage based on what she or he thinks God approves of would do well to remember that scorpion pit. The only caveat to this is: Taxes. Two people sharing a household should be able to get a tax-break. Therefore, any two adults sharing living quarters for a year who choose to, may file jointly. Both guys? We don’t care. Man and woman? We don’t care. College roommates? We don’t care. Two people who don’t have any emotional commitment, and are only doing this for the tax break? We don’t care. The state doesn’t care how you feel about each other: share a household for a year, file jointly, get a tax-break. The mushy stuff’s up to you.
Second: The contractual part: The substance of the contract is your problem, not the state’s. The state will insure that the contract is enforced, however. If you want to draw up a contract guaranteeing your spouse the right to visit you in the hospital, great, the state will back you. You want to draw up a pre-nuptial agreement? Great, the state will support you. You want to give the other person power of attorney? Great, the state will support you. The state will not, however, force you into a contract where the state decides the substance of the contract. One size does NOT fit all. State-sponsored marriage licenses are now abolished for everyone. My belief is that the state has no business judging which relationships are valid. And up 'till now, the state has been. I’m sure that even now, some enterprising young lawyer is writing up a “standard” marriage contract that covers the contractual stuff that two people can sign. That’s about it, Fenris-topains.
Thank you, and good night.
Any questions, comments or lynch-mobs with flaming torches, feel free to comment.
Supreme Glorious Despot, Benevolent Dictator, and Grand High Pooh-Bah,
Fenris the First