My youngest is on the autism spectrum and is getting pretty strong at 16. She, like much of society, is having trouble transitioning to a post covid world. Very serious fight or flight can be triggered in a vehicle, and she has twice bolted out the front door at a stop light. She can undo the seatbelt, unlock the door, scream at 90db, and uncontrollably must get out of the vehicle. Luckily, cars stopped and no one got hit.
I CANNOT take another chance. Right now, we just don’t take her anywhere. Slowly working on getting her to close the door (if someone else closes the door it is full flight mode) and then very short test drives in the neighborhood.
I have to find a way that the front passenger door cannot be opened from the inside. I guess removing the inner door handle would work…Any other thoughts?
It is hard to describe but this is full instinctual fight or flight by a 16 year old. She will frantically clammer over the front seat, unlock the door and/or go out the window. I can probably keep her in the car if the passenger door won’t open, but she clamored over my wife and out the window while still in the driveway a couple weeks ago. Needless to say if this happens when I’m driving, it would be incredibly dangerous.
The first time in the driveway when she figured out the sliding doors had been child locked, is when she bolted out of the seatbelt and got out the front door in about 2 seconds. Now she knows the child lock is on, and she knows how to unlock the front doors from either the passenger or the drivers side. Well, she doesn’t know exactly how to unlock from the drivers side, but today was pushing the buttons while my son and I wrestled her.
This morning while parked in the driveway, there were 4 of us, with kidlet and wife in the van middle row, I was in the front passenger seat and my son in the drivers seat with the engine off. Mom closed the sliding door with the child safety lock on, and I was just barely able to stop her from getting to the front and after a minute kinda sorta a little bit calmed down and back in the seat.
The front passenger window can be locked by the driver.
Be nice to have an elegant “child lock” type solution, but old school remove the handle so there will never be the opportunity just might be the way to go.
Is she a danger to the driver while in motion? That is a scary thought. Not an attack or anything, but coming over the seat fast and kicking the driver?
Maybe solve a current problem and potential problem by installing a taxi cab divider? Those plexiglass dividers that most city cabs have?
I’m not a gearhead, but I’m alarmed and concerned, and want to help.
A taxi cab divider might be the way to go. Removing the inner door handle would be awfully inconvenient for everyone who rides in the front passenger seat. And potentially dangerous if you get into an accident. Also, if she can’t get out the passenger side, she’ll try to get out the driver’s side, bet your ass.
In addition, could you build a lock for the seatbelt? Some sort of box which gets locked over the connectors? It may not be enough but it could give you a minute to stop the car while you deal with her.
As someone who went through a period of pretty severe anxiety attacks, I do hope you are working with a professional on those. ISTM that these measures could increase the anxiety but YMMV.
I’m not familiar with the vehicle. On some vehicles you can remove the trim around the door handle, and remove the lock button. On older style vehicles with the lock button at the window, sometimes you can pull the lock button up and out.
Oh, I will be asking the dealership. Actually, I like the idea of the plexiglass divider. Even if my kid can’t get out the front passenger seat, she poses a real danger to the driving if the flight instinct kicks in while driving or even at a light.
And yes, I have already reached out to the Seattle Children’s Autism Center and looking into better living thru chemicals, and to start Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I went through a parent training for 2 months on how to deal with anxiety. I’ve had quite a bit of training on how to manage folks on the spectrum, and will probably set up at least a refresher.
I wish you all the best with your daughter. A friend of mine has a teenage boy on the spectrum, and he’s big enough to pose a very real danger to people and property. He’s destroyed several televisions and thrown his parents around on numerous occasions.
I have a 31 year old daughter, autism/MR, who started having serious behavioral issues about when she turned 16. Ripping her clothes, destroying her belongings, urinating, striking other people, elopement. Another behavior which developed later was what you described: an irrational urge to exit a moving vehicle.
Common thread amongst these behaviors (recognized in hindsight): they would come on suddenly, usually with no apparent trigger. All these behaviors appear to be attempts to escape her current situation. The clothes ripping and urination started in high school, where she learned that if she did either of these she would get out of whatever she was doing and be taken to the nurse’s office where she would be given fresh clothes to wear. Elopement and leaving a vehicle are clear manifestations of what you called flight instinct. As an adult in a group home she discovered that striking staff or destroying property could result in a trip to the hospital.
We have tried multiple classes of medication over the years - antipsychotics (risperidone, then ziprasidone when her weight got out of control), anxiety meds, neuroleptics. We are now treating her behaviors as panic attacks (the desire to exit a moving vehicle is a classic panic symptom which my wife had experienced in the past). Adding Klonopin to her meds seems to have helped greatly. Our current goal is to try to reduce her meds to a mood stabilizer (Depakote) plus a panic med (Klonopin).
Regarding modifications to the car: our daughter’s attempts to leave a vehicle only occurred when she was riding with staff from her group home. Their solution was to have a driver plus one additional staff sit in the back of the van with her. There was a device they could add to the seat belt to prevent her from unlatching it, but for them to use it would require approval from the state (due to a “more restrictive environment”). So something does exist, and as a parent of a minor you don’t need authorization to use it.
I have worked as a driver on a wheelchair bus. Many of the children I drove to school had tried to jump off the bus. They wore a vest with locks which could be opened with a magnetic key. On the back of the vest was straps which was passed around the seat and locked on the back of the seat. You could use the same in a normal car, just locking the straps in the trunk.
I’m not sure about the seat belt lock. That will definately trigger the flight instinct. Might be able to slowly condition and to that. Right now, if someone else shuts the door, it is full panic mode. But she’s getting better about shutting the door, and only took 5 minutes today. First time for the 2nd covid shot took 4 hours to shut the door. Then it was 90 minutes, 60 minutes, etc
Serena had wore a harness that buckled in on the school bus the first few grades. She got really good at getting out of that, or flipping over the back of the seat and hanging upside down so that the driver would need to stop.
My niece was (is) in a similar situation. By the time she was a teenager she was nigh impossible to control if she got an idea in her head. My brother and SIL put her in a home run by the state where they can see her and take her out whenever they want. He confided how hard it can be…good luck!
I think our Subaru allows you to lock out the controls for all passenger windows and door locks.
Also, these are for a dog’s collar but ISTM you could connect them to her belt loops and run them to the back seatbelt buckles. If she unbuckles her belt in front, whoops—still can’t get away.
Clambering over to the front seat is pretty impossible if one puts up one of those cage walls to keep big dogs in the front seat. Heck, if you can’t find one sturdy enough, a custom bit of work with classic chain link fencing, rebar and a wire welder to make the barrier and a bit of rigging to install it. It also means you have to preset the front seats to a locked position both forward/backwards and seat back lean.
I wouldn’t trust a custom bit of work to protect me or my child, and I don’t think insurers would look kindly on it if something went wrong.
In London, for the kids that are transported to school by taxi due to disabilities, I’ve seen the screen cited as a reason for using black cabs (which all have screens) rather than uber for some children. You can’t protect your passengers if you can’t drive.
Covid might have a good side effect here, if you’re willing to fudge the truth. Compare the screens to what she’s probably seen at the supermarket and it won’t seem as strange. Probably with a magnetic belt clip so that there’s a delay between her going into meltdown and smashing herself against the screen.
the cage wall is NOT for protection while driving, such as a child seat or seat belt, one said one wanted to keep the kid from exiting a front door. The cage, as I said, is to prevent the kid from getting into the front seat to exit the vehicle. If you don’t want to create your own cage wall, then get one of the commercially available versions from a pet supply location. No skin off my ass one way or the other.
