Gee thanks, gays! It's YOUR fault I like blow jobs.

[Biggirl]

@jsgoddess

Ron Perlman’s.

You win.

[DrDeth]

@bobot

Beastiality?
Thak you, Pat “666” Robertson for reminding me why I no longer consider myself Christian. I was raised to be, but once I was old enough to actually comprehend the insanity I was hearing, I opted out.

You know, that brand of Christianity is just one branch of the huge faith umbrella called Christianity. Many of very accepting, even of gays, pagans, etc- many Christian ministers happily marry Gay couples, - hell some Ministers are gay.

[racepug]

@Helena330

So if I’m a girl that likes to give blowjobs, does that make me a lesbian?

No, it makes you a pretty popular date with guys, except for guys like me.

[elucidator]

… yeah, I probably need to dig out that manual.

There’s a manual? A fucking manual? So, you can look it up and not make mistakes? And I find out now!

There is no God, and He hates me.

[JRDelirious]

[Reverend Mode]
Testify, Sisters! Come forward and bear witness to the Power of the straight Blowjob and the straight Buttsecks!

But mind ye, pegging your man is an abomination unto the Lord. Do NOT get thee behind me!!
[/Reverent Mode]
Really, gotta grant it to ol’ Pat that he’s obviously managed to retain enough control of the operation that nobody has been able to ship him out to some nice quiet Home… Where in blazes does it say that to engage in normal discourse or business with people I have to pretend to enjoy *everything *that they enjoy?

@elucidator

There’s a manual? A fucking manual? So, you can look it up and not make mistakes? And I find out now!

There is no God, and He hates me.

Nah, don’t get hung up on it, nobody does it by the manual anyway. Everyone wants you to be all “creative” and “outside the box”… even when there are things that *are *supposed to be inside the box IYKWIM…

[Anne_Neville]

The lesbians made me get a Subaru Outback!

[Gedd]

Wait, homosexuals own oral sex?! Damn it!

[Enderw24]

@Try2B_Comprehensive

It’s like that old saying: give 'em a cake a d they’ll take your butthole.

I believe it’s Let them eat Cake and they’ll go the distance. They’ll go for speed.

[Try2B_Comprehensive]

Would require a long jacket.

[BigT]

@Kimstu

Oh gosh guys, I wish I could live in your parallel universe. In this one, Pat Robertson is still an extremely influential voice in conservative Christian broadcast media worldwide. He’s the founder and chairman of the Christian Broadcasting Network and still co-hosts The 700 Club, one of the longest-running TV shows ever and one of the most popular evangelical media outlets in the US.

The 700 Club has about one million daily viewers in cable/syndication formats, and its parent organization has launched CBNAsia and CBNIndia and other hugely popular international counterparts, making the CBN empire one of the world’s largest mass-market Christian television organizations.
When you joke that nobody pays any attention to Pat Robertson nowadays in media and politics except a bunch of librul atheist media elites milking him for the lulz, you’ve got it exactly backwards. Nobody but the librul atheist media elites could imagine that Robertson is actually powerless or irrelevant in modern mass media.

I and a whole lot of Christians view in him pretty much the same way. Sure, he had power and influence, but he’s lost a ton of it, specifically because of this crap. People who do still watch seem to pretend this crap didn’t happen. Or they say that they don’t watch of Robertson.

Plus, CBN has nothing on TBN, which actually stayed true to its Christian TV promise, instead of selling out all over the place like CBN did. They have five full networks in the U.S. alone, and prioritized creating networks all around the world. (The founder, Paul Crouch, was hoping that, once everyone in the world could watch, it would ensure the coming rapture, as the gospel would have been preached to “all the world.”

It’s been fairly easy for people to just dismiss Robertson himself as an old crank. He doesn’t even show up in those Christian Facebook feeds that my mom gets. He’s really become more the crazy uncle that we tolerate.

I’m sure there are easily a million people in a country of 300 million that think he’s right, but they’re all going to be as old and out of touch as he is, and thus not really all that influential.

[Little_Nemo]

@Gedd

Wait, homosexuals own oral sex?! Damn it!

Sure they do. It’s all about the royalties. How do you think they afford those fabulous gay lifestyles?

[hotflungwok]

@Little_Nemo

Sure they do. It’s all about the royalties. How do you think they afford those fabulous gay lifestyles?

Wait, so they get their money by blowing royalty?

[Kiyoshi]

Noting that Christian beliefs will “come under assault” until polyamory and polygamy are acceptable, too, Robertson lamented, “It’s a weird world we’re living in.”

Yeah, because there’s no polygamy in the Bible. Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and King David all had only one wife. O_o

Also, I can’t think of any reason why polyamory should not be acceptable.

[elucidator]

People who can’t get any now won’t get any then, either. Nobody fucks ugly except the blind.

[Gyrate]

@running_coach

I understand Jesus also gets a little sex on the side.

Just a bit of fingering, really.

@YogSosoth

Psh, I liked blow jobs before they were popular. But now that’s its so mainstream, I’ve moved on to something even better: BL’s. And no I won’t tell you what the L stands for

I’m more about BMTs, where the mutton is nice and lean…

@get_lives

My first time hearing about quite a few perversions was in church, as an example of “what those awful gays are doing”.

It is amazing what the evangelical and family values types can envision. I’ve seen Peter La Barbera tweet more about fisting in two days than I’ve even thought about fisting in my entire life. It’s a weird obsession with him.