He’s actually hanging out in a bar in Hawai’i, sipping Mai Tais with Andy Kaufman.
Gawd I wish that were true.
Yes. I disagree.
The best in an alternative result would really be for the poor dog. She’s dead suddenly in any case. He is found confused and demented a day or so later. Pushes off having whatever heart episode actually killed him some period of time living in confused and stressed grief for some fairly limited period of time. The dog at least finds a new home.
It’s still a bad result.
Let’s say though it would have turned out great if only. If only I had picked a lottery number that won the Mega jackpot. The fact I didn’t means my method of choosing a ticket was flawed? No. Pulling an inside strait and winning the hand doesn’t mean that betting big was the right choice to make.
They possibly didn’t have things set up the way you would suggest for some reason. They wanted privacy, who knows? In general betting that a previously heathy 65 year old is not going to suddenly collapse without warning is a very good odds bet. I don’t live my life worrying that I am going to collapse without warning. It could happen. I could be driving. Cooking at the stove. My collapse could cause harm! But I’m not going to always have someone with me to grab the wheel just because it isn’t impossible.
“I don’t deserve this… to die like this. I was building a house!”
“Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.”
Yes. I am seeing this with my elderly but failing parents. Modern medicine, at great expense, has kept them alive well past when they would’ve died not long ago. Is it worth it? My mom still has a good mind, but she is tired of taking care of my dad who can barely get out of his chair, and his mind is nearly gone. Not that my mom can do much more than get out of her chair to take care of the two of them. It makes me very sad to see. My wife and I want to have a way out before we get to that point. I know this sounds heartless, but it is true.
It’s a hard question. My parents have both, privately, expressed to me that they are, in effect, ready to go now, and have been for a couple of years.
They’ve both survived multiple cancers, falls that led to broken hips, etc., and have been put back together by excellent doctors…but every surgery, every health crisis, has taken its toll, as have chronic conditions. They are both limited enough now that they feel like they don’t get much enjoyment from day-to-day life: they sit around the house, watch TV, go to doctor’s appointments, and maybe take a short drive to the neighborhood store or the pharmacy. Even simple things like going out to eat, or going to see a movie, which they enjoyed tremendously up until two or three years ago, are now effectively out of reach.
Yes, same. This makes me sad in so many ways. The many calls about one of them being taken to the hospital is taking a toll on me. Modern medicine is amazing, but in some ways, not so much.
But wouldn’t we all give about anything for one more decent year?
I’m not denying anything, so I got a book online titled “I’m Dead, So Now What?” It is designed to have all the info an executor/trix would need when I pass. Account numbers, what to do with my pets, where my will is, contact information for friends, icluding this board. My will is planned and funeral paid for, my gravestone is already set up. All those things that make getting rid of me easier,
Most of this is, “Just World Fallacy.” A lot of people read about these sorts of tragedies, and rationalize why it could not happen to them.
I’m 66, I am my husbands primary care giver. He does not have dementia, and I see no reason for me tospend money on a medic alert for me. We don’t like having people coming to the house all the time, though we do have a distressing amount of relatives in and out all the time.
It was an unfortunate fluke. The world is not just.
Of the many takes on this here, I agree with this the most.
I would wager that her preference would have been to NOT have him slowly starve to death accompanied by her dead body.
Define “decent.” The visit the memory care unit at a nursing home and define it again.
Yes. And? Her preference likely was also not get hantavirus. Her preference also likely was not have been for him to spend some number of additional months confused scared and in grief when he understood enough not to be panicked.
Her reasonable things to worry about did not rationally include her sudden death anymore than mine, also 65, does when driving a car.
OK - we disagree and don’t need to go back and forth between the 2 of us. She, her husband, and her dog died - the latter 2 under conditions I presume she would not have preferred. The latter 2 could have been easily prevented. You suppose his additional time would’ve been filled with grief and panic, but we do not know what his mental state was previously or would have been.
IF you had a disabled person at home for whom you were the sole caregiver, I would HOPE you would think about your sudden death while driving (that is, if you were able to leave the person at home alone.)
This is wrong. If she knew she would contract an illness that would cause rapid death, then yes, she could have taken steps. But how many other fluke things could have happened that would have resulted in Gene’s death, and wouldn’t be solved with a medic alert bracelet or daily maid service?
Planning for the one contingency after you know about it is easy. Planning for every possible scenario is not possible.
I dunno, man. What “fluke things” are you thinking about? How many of them would not fit under the umbrella of, “I may be incapacitated/may need backup”? Or, you can, instead, tightly define what happened as “will I catch hantavirus?”
I think one can often try to define - and insure against - the worst case scenario. Which this likely was. And if you protect against THAT, you’ll find a number of other undesirable scenarios are protected against as well.
I haven’t read the thread. All I feel about these deaths is how unbelievably sad the whole story is.
But … I’m sick. When my wife goes out of town, I send a daily check-in email to both her and my mother. If they haven’t heard from me by about 8am local time, they’re going to email/call me. If they don’t get me, they’re going to call the local PD and ask for a welfare check at our address.
We also have the equivalent of these stickers on the front window (and a card in my wallet):
(I bought some from Amazon)
If I were (more) stubborn … big things could go badly wrong. I know that.
ETA: and I have the Amazon Echo (ie, Alexa) set to remind me at 8am every day (every single day, no matter who’s home or away) to send this email.
The fluke thing was something that incapacitated her while leaving Gene unharmed, but in a state where he wasn’t able to do anything.
If your goal is to prevent Gene from dying, there are any number of things that would have done it - his heart condition, a fall, food poisoning, hantavirus, etc. Should she have taken precautions for all those?
Like @Sylvanz said above, it’s really scary to think about stuff like this happening to us. So we try to gain control by convincing ourselves that we can protect against it with just a few simple steps.
Yeah. I’ve had the following thought kicking around in my head, echoing Leonard Nimoy’s 1st autobiography, I Am Not Spock. [he of course later penned a 2nd a.b. titled I AM Spock], wasn’t sure if it would come off as insensitive or what, but giving it a go anyway…
We as fans typically see celebs, esp. movie stars, as these larger than life figures. After all, on the screen they always defeat the villain(s), or if the villain himself can still go on and out in total style. [for Hackman specifically the image of John Herod in The Quick and the Dead is what kept coming to my mind]
But this was the one villain he couldn’t defeat; instead of a frantic wearying chase that ends with Popeye Dole finally popping Charnier, we instead have a confused and lost old man wandering around his home for a week before finally exhausting himself and expiring. It just seems so incongruous for such a personage; certainly if ANYONE is going to defeat Death it would be the likes of Gene Hackman. But in the end even the most stalwart and yes diehard hero loses said game.
Yeah 100% this
There is also a mind set change needed, when adult children, particularly the “Peter Pan” types (e.g. older people still living like they are 18 years old, being supported by their parents, avoiding responsibilities) have to realize they they are the ones who need to do the supporting as their parents get older. No idea if this was the case here (for all I know his kids were desperate to help him but he refused because was, in his eyes, capable of looking after himself)
Let’s be a bit more precise: “I may be incapacitated and need back up so suddenly that I am unable to reach my phone and dial 911”
That happens a nonzero number of times to a healthy 65 year old with no known risk factors. But way below whether there are rugs he may trip on, is the bathroom safe, how do I best keep him oriented and calm, even happy, is he safe to leave while I run to grocery store, do I need an aide to help me get him bathed …