General goofiness

I was looking at my Primary ballot. The office of Governor is up this time around, and, with our flat primary, there are something like 36 candidates on the list, one of whom uses a name that is a silly, meaningless portmanteau.

What is interesting, though, is the parties they claim. There is the poorly named “Stand Up America Party”, which I say is poorly named because the name evokes Ross Perot’s UWSA party while bearing little or no resemblance to it. Then there is the “Fifth Republic Party”, which appears to be (apologies to Nick Lowe) a party of one – perhaps the “fifth” republic comes from a bottle?

What jumped out at me, though, was the guy who claimed to be in the “Proprietarianist Party”, which I thought sounded a little disturbing. So I tried to look it up, but the closest I could come was a Proprietarianism wagsite. The site is pretty and all but useless: they apparently own their ideology, so you have to go to great effort/pay to learn about them. As evidenced by the summary statement on the fron page:

WTELF? Does that even say anything? Can someone translate that stream of excretia for me?

What kind of prime political goofiness have you encountered lately (that others are not so likely to have heard about/seen)?

One of the people on our mayoral ballot once served time in jail for breaking the cheekbone of a previous mayor with a megaphone.

Another guy on the ballot was recently caught on-camera shoplifting an office chair from Office Depot. He’s also been cited for misusing funds, numerous times.

Used to be a time these psychotic lunatics were content to scribble stuff in tiny writing on some loose leaf paper or a discarded notebook while hanging around the train or bus station.

Meant to say gubernatorial ballot for the shoplifter.

As to the OP’s story I have to say that the author of that blurb on Proprietarianism sounds about like the sort of unhinged character who’d file to run as a no-chance candidate for Governor. Who knows; he might win. Frequent incoherent pronouncements seem to a vote winner in some circles these days.

My local one-party ballot isn’t that colorful.

We do have several folks running for the County Supervisor of Elections. One of whom is named “Chad”. His motto: “I won’t leave you hanging.” Since our county was ground zero in the Bush / Gore debacle of 2000, that hits kinda close to home. Of course every candidate is running on a platform of rooting out voter suppression.

In a race for school board there’s a woman who included her nickname on the ballot along with her legal name. That may have been unwise. “Jersey Girl” doesn’t exactly scream “Clean government and good schools at affordable prices” to me.

Messed up again - he’s running for governor this time.

Wow, I had been thinking about starting exactly this thread. I assume the OP is also in Washington State, unless another state also has 36 candidates for Governor.

I love playing Spot the Loonie during primary election season. The Presidential election is OK, but that’s usually just the relatively boring nationally established Loonies like the Socialist Workers Party, Constitution Party, Natural Law Party, etc.

For those who don’t know, Washington has a “jungle” primary where the top two vote getters advance to the general election, regardless of party affiliation. Voters don’t have to indicate any party affiliation (except when voting for, say, Democratic Party precinct officers) and don’t need to confine their votes to one party’s candidates. Candidates indicate a party “preference” in their voters’ pamphlet listing . It’s not required, but most do. It can be almost anything, though, and doesn’t need to be an established party and doesn’t mean an established party endorses them. As far as I can tell, the candidate puts their preference on a form and whatever they put gets sandwiched between “Prefers” and “Party”. One guy put “Unaffiliated”, so he appears as “Prefers Unaffiliated Party”. Hence the various weird party names that some of the candidates have.

I had thought that it wouldn’t be a good season for Spot the Loonie because neither of Washington’s US Senate seats are up for re-election, but the Governor’s race and others more than make up for it. Unfortunately, I can’t link to the voters’ pamphlet, because the King County elections site (at least) wants your name and date of birth so they can look up your registration and provide a customized guide.

I’ll skip all the usual boring candidates - Democrats bloviating about left-wing issues, Republicans bloviating about right-wing issues, and independent candidates bloviating about the established politicians and PAC money.

At the bottom of the pile, you have the slackers. They filed to run for office, but didn’t bother submitting any information for the voters’ pamphlet. Sorry, if you’re not interested in telling me why you deserve the job, I’m not interested in voting for you. Honorable mention in this category to the guy whose statement is mostly bloviating about PAC money and so on. He concludes with “Please vote for [candidate name], U.S. Senate.” Uh, dude, you’re running for governor this year. Might have wanted to do some copy editing there.

Then there are the guys who are running for a high-level office like Governor, but have no elected experience. Or, better yet, their elected experience consists of “High School ASB Class Vice President”. Sorry, we’d like a little more experience. Or under Community Service they list “UBER and Lyft driver during the pandemic.”

There’s the guy being touted by Facebook critic-bots on Jay Inslee’s feed, whose statement (other than his life story and his family) consists of “His platform advocates a return to respecting citizen rights and accountability for state government.” Wow, real detailed there. Or the other guy whose statement reads like an Instagram post - lots of misspellings, and it contains two commas but no other punctuation of any kind.

Goodspaceguy has been around forever. He’s always running for something. These days, he’s mellowed from being a true Loonie - more like a Libertarian with a dash of Buckminster Fuller.

Commissioner of Public Lands has a couple of doozies. Judging from their photos, the first two candidates are The Dude and Saruman. Dude says “I like environmental protection. I don’t like fires. […] President Trump says we need to rake our forests to clean up debris that exacerbates fires and that’s where I intend to start.”

Saruman intends to “deconstruct” the hydroelectric dams on the Columbia River. He’s also against Bio-mass for electricity, and wind power, and coal trains, and solar power energy farms. Not quite sure where he expects electricity to come from. He’s also against lots of other things, like 5G, chemtrails, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, eugenics, Satan, and New World Order.

Not much in the way of “platform exceeds job title” this year. Just the guy who wants to convene a “Create Jobs Now” task force to streamline permitting and reduce regulatory burdens. Not sure how he’s going to do that as Attorney General.

I think one of the top two Loonies this year is the aforementioned StandupAmerica Party guy. I won’t give his name, but he appears to be Russian (which is OK in itself). He’s been around for a few years, and has always been somewhat ranty and Loonie, but he’s topped himself this year. He opens his statement with the paragraph:

Standup! America First! Live Free or Die! Stop Seattle / King Fascism with idiotic face. A One party system is always Fascism. They are all war criminals!

He then repeats that paragraph verbatim for some reason. His closing paragraph is relatively sane:

Vote for Trump and [candidate name] to bring Washington and America back to common sense of, by and for the people!

The truly Loonie part: In between those he lists his twenty-five point policy platform. It’s twenty-five repetitions of “Stop Seattle / King Fascism with idiotic face!”. How do I know it’s 25? He helpfully numbered them.

The other top contender is running for Insurance Commissioner. He starts by saying “This would be my first elected position as I am of age to hold office now.”, and in his photo he looks pretty young. But he claims to have been involved in the industry for 21 years.

He calls himself an autistic savant. He’s going to use the Insurance Commissioner’s office “to acquire and manage 168 students as I need in order to major in Every Degree at UW.” With some weird references to Reagan and Jefferson, “externally” he’ll be I.C. for 60% of the time, and the incumbent Democrat and the Libertarian candidate will serve 20% each. As for “internally”, the 168 mentioned above will “each serve in 1 hour increments as Internal Insurance Commissioners”. Pretty sure that’s not how elected positions are supposed to work.

For Washington’s Top Loonie of 2020, I think 168-disciple-Insurance-Commissioner guy wins out over StandupAmerica Party guy, but it’s pretty close.

“King Fascism with the idiotic face” is now my phrase of the day. Must try to work that into a conversation.

Crazies gonna cray cray cray cray cray cray. It’s when they get nominated to represent one of the two big parties that you know America is in trouble.

The next state over (KS) has a fun little primary for the Senate going on.

It should be Kris “I lost to a Democrat in Kansas” Kobach vs. Dr Roger “I was convicted of trying to my neighbor over” Marshall (and current member of the House). But apparently coming up on the outside is millionaire plumber Bob Hamilton (who is now listed on the 538 site so must be getting some real traction), whose latest ad touts his skills as a water skier. Previous ads have explained how he hates Hillary.

Trying to what?

Damn it - I really need to get better at proofreading.

Convicted of trying to run over his neighbor. And, as a cherry on top, used his connections to get a reckless driving conviction reduced to some lesser charge (not sure what). The prosecutor who did that was the son of Marshall’s business partner.

Hey, Henry Winkler once touted his skills as a water skier and he made history. Admittedly not in a good way, but I’m sure it will work out fine for Bob. Now to find a shark…

Get one of those South African air sharks. Let’s see him jump one of those.

Deciding which “job-killing regulations” (that’s one word in RW-speak) to publicly announce you refuse to enforce is certainly one thing an AG trained on Barr’s model would think he could usefully do.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Bob Hamilton’s Senate campaign is pure performance art. I have yet to see an ad of his where he discusses any issue of substance. Either his campaign is a joke, or the joke’s on us.

I don’t think I’ve seem any ad of substance from any of them. They are mostly from supporting PACs and mostly just throw bombs at their opponents. Don’t think I’ve seen one going after Bob the Plumber, but he is third place so neither front-runner presumably wants to give him free airtime.

I suppose. And this guy is running as a Republican. Still, that’s pretty standard Republican, not really the true Loonie. I was thinking more along the lines of a few years ago - some guy whose statement went on about ending our support for Israel and Zionism, pulling our troops out of the Middle East, enacting a federal $25 minimum wage, etc. A bit outside the capability of the Seattle Port Commissioner job he was running for.

On the other hand, just imagine if Trump had laid out his actual plans 20 years before this country’s insane politics put him where he is.

Then again, nobody really believed Mein Kampf either. Maybe Evil / Loonie / Evil + Loonie Signalling doesn’t really work as well as we’d hope it did.