General Thoughts & Questions About Making Babies

In My Humble Opinion
1

Well, we’re doing it. Sr. Weasel got an internship, he now has a fixed graduation date, we’ll be closer to some family, our cost of living is about to plummet, and we have decided we are ready to have a kid. Well, you know, as ready as one can be, I suppose. We are both 31 years old and have been married for 8 years. It has been a long time coming because due to my husband’s Ph.D. program we did not feel ready until now.

I went off my pill two weeks ago. The whole experience has been a little trippy. I thought it would be good to start charting my cycle anyway, since I have presumed endometriosis and haven’t been off the pill in… oh, at least a decade, I thought it might be good information to have if anything went wrong. Now, I’ve had some heinous periods in the past but that was also before I was taking proper care of myself, so I have held out some hope that If I continue eating well and exercising, it won’t be so bad this time around.

Anyway, starting to track my cycle led me down a rabbit hole of internet searching and book-reading. I get like this whenever I’m about to do something new, but frankly I’m a little overwhelmed by some of it. Like do I really need to know how long is my luteal phase and should I be peeing on sticks regularly to pinpoint my ovulation day? Or is that usually a last resort for people who have had difficulty conceiving?

My husband thinks I am way overthinking this, and if we have sex a lot, it is going to happen sooner or later. He thinks it’s kind of funny that I’m even tracking given the fact that apparently women throughout history have somehow managed to get pregnant without Android phone apps.

I told him to humor me because I’m impatient, but honestly, reading up on this stuff, (eat salmon to increase your fertility!) I’m beginning to wonder if he is right. Am I overthinking this?

There was a time in my life where I felt stuck and anxious to get on with things, but I’m actually digging my life quite a bit right now. It would be awesome to get pregnant right away, but I think I’m young enough that it won’t be the end of the world if it takes 6 months or even a year. And in a way that might even work out better, since we are moving out of state in two weeks and I am about to start a new job (which I plan to continue after the baby is born.)

So… I dunno, this is just kind of weird. We had always planned to adopt in the past, so I never, ever envisioned myself being pregnant. The thought that I could be pregnant right this second is crazy! Exciting, but crazy. While I think childbirth is the right choice for our first kid, there’s still a part of me that is skeptical that this is even possible.

This is possible, right?

(Also, for those of you that know me IRL, please keep this on the down low. We don’t really intend to tell family members until I’m well into the pregnancy. One of the reasons I’m talking about it here is that there’s basically nobody else to talk about it with.)

Thanks for your insight,

Christy

2

Fertility depends on a lot of things, some of which are out of your control. You’ll likely get pregnant eventually by “just having sex”, but you can speed the whole process along by charting your cycle, and making sure you have sex at least every couple of days during your most fertile periods.

You can also buy those little ovulation strips at the pharmacy, which I highly recommend. We discovered that she was ovulating WAY later than we thought in her cycle–like day 21 or 22. And ovulation times can vary a lot from person to person, so don’t just assume you’ll ovulate on day 14 +/- one day, like so many charts on the internet would lead you to believe.

I wish we’d smartened up earlier instead of wasting 6+ months being less, er, productive. :smiley:

3

Our plan was to do it every day. Two times, two kids, vasectomy. I guess we were both extremely fertile or extremely lucky.

4

I think you are overthinking it at this point, and probably taking the fun out of the whole experience. You mention you have endo, so tracking your cycles is probably a good idea to get an idea of how regular you are. You can pinpoint ovulation via basal body temperature rather than using OPK’s - much cheaper option! But that’s about as far as you should go at this point.

I get it, I’m like you. I need to know everything too. But considering your chances of conceiving are pretty high, just have a bit of fun with it before you start stressing about it all. Fertility issues suck, and they’re hard on a relationship. Since you, for all intents and purposes, are perfectly fertile, don’t bring that in to the relationship just yet.

Also, FYI, some women take 3 to 6 months off the pill before they’re regular again, so if your cycles aren’t normal for a few months, don’t worry right away. Conversely, there is anecdotal data that some women coming off the pill are super fertile and get pregnant right away. Either way, enjoy the process and good luck!

5

Both of my kids were planned and I’d been on the Pill prior. The first pregnancy took two years, the second two months. No matter how you try to track it there’s no rhyme or reason so I’d say, just live life—without contraception. What will be will be.

Or plan a trip to Paris. Or join a gym. Futuristic plans seem to trigger needy little people.

6

Yeah, well that’s kind of what I was thinking. I bought this book, ''The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant" and I found myself thinking, ''This isn’t really all that fun." And I kind of feel like it should be fun for both of us.

It’s funny, I wasn’t willing to spring for a BBT thermometer until I saw the price of the ovulation predictor kits.

Ha!

7

That’s a good start!

8

Because you’re a person who overthinks things, you will overthink this whether you chart or not. Both ways stressed me out. Neither way, ultimately, had any impact on whether I got pregnant or didn’t get pregnant–keep that in mind. Monitoring the situation doesn’t change the situation, and knowing when you ovulate might very well have NOTHING to do with whether you get pregnant or not.

So do what comes easy, on each and every day, in each and every moment. Welcome to the part of life that is 99% out of your hands. Get used to it.

9

Just start out like we did - get an app, chart your temperature, make sure you have sex on the most likely days. If that doesn’t work after a couple months then you can get more involved. The app I liked best was Kindara, but there are tons of them out there free.

(Took us three months.)

Honestly, I didn’t want to just have sex and hope because I’d gotten REALLY spoiled by going period free on Mirena. Urgh, that wasn’t a pleasant thing to go back to!

The hard thing for me was not going crazy between when you ovulate and when you can test. I wasted a LOT of tests (you know, got a negative but tested again a few days later JUST IN CASE…).

10

They say it can take an average of 6 months to get pregnant under 35, and 12 months over 35. So try not to focus on it too much (not to say that that makes any difference, but it can make it easier to live though!).

If you want to feel some sort of control over it, tracking your BBT and cervical mucus through something like Fertility Friend can help you understand your body and cycle better (I discovered through this that I ovulated at completely random times, up to 22 days but had a really short 11 day luteal phase). Cervical mucus is a really excellent shorthand for knowing when you are about to ovulate (BBT only tells you you have ovulated which is too late to do anything about it), and costs nothing to check, other than getting a little more familiar with your body than you may have gotten so far.

Ultimately timing had nothing to do with why I couldn’t get pregnant (sperm issues), but being able to take a printout of my cycles to our fertility specialist after about 8 months really fast tracked their interest in taking us seriously, and we very quickly discovered we’d need IVF to conceive; started our first cycle 13 months after we first started trying and we would have wasted a lot more time trying without the record. Chances are you’ll be fine, but with 1 in 6 couples needing some additional help, not a bad sort of insurance to have as long as you’re the sort of person not to get obsessive about it.

Agree also about planning fun, big things - I had the year I did big bike races (not the year I didn’t get pregnant) and we had the year we went to Cambodia (which I actually did at 10 weeks pregnant).

11

The dollar stores sell cheap pregnancy tests that are accurate. Good luck! If children are what you want, I hope you have them easily, dear.

:slight_smile:

12

At this point, you are way overthinking things. When we were trying, I charted my BBT and cervical mucus because it was easy and cheap. Also, I’m a biologist, so I was just curious. Don’t worry about a special BBT thermometer. If you have a digital that reads in tenths of a degree, you’ll be fine. The thing to keep in mind is the BBT isn’t something that you react to this month, it’s something you use to plan next month. In other words, by the time you see the temp increase, you’ve already ovulated and it’s most likely too late. But, it gives you a lot of information about just how regular (or not) you are. It can also come in handy when you are trying to determine a due date if you aren’t regular. I also used Kindara and liked it.

The OPKs are super expensive and not necessary at this point. I felt like if I started using them, I would end up using way more than I planned to for the reasons that Zsofia states. You most likely can get the same information from BBT charting. I’d chart for 6 months before even considering the OPKs and then only if the charts weren’t clear.

I knew I was very regular (plus I can feel when I ovulate), so we just made sure to have sex between days 10 and 14. It worked. We’re 13 weeks in with our first child!

13

You are overthinking it.

It’s an odd switch to go from “Oh my, I hope I’m not preggers” to “WtF, I’m not pregnant yet?” And your fertility is so unknown and so out of your control.

But keep in mind many of the scare stories about fertility are bunk. You are still young (my gynecologist just called me young at 33) and there is no reason to think you’ll have problems.

I’d give it a few months of “Eh, it seems like the right time, let’s see what happens” before moving in to charting and tests. It took me 6 months to get pregnant (-!: the pregnancy was uneventful). For younger couples they don’t even see You until tube been trying for a year.

14

This may be true (not sure about six months for under 35 though), but it’s the reverse when identifying the point to see a fertility specialist or reporductive endocrinologist. If you’ve tried for 12 months and are under 35, time to get a referral. If it’s been over 6 months and you’re over 35, get a referral.

I do agree that having charts in hand at that point is really valuable.

But don’t worry, you’ll be knocked up in no time! :slight_smile:

15

That’s cool that you are trying now.

You have to remember that you are not in control of this process. Them sperm and eggs will or will not get together for reasons no one knows. There is a popular misconception (hehe) that women will get pregnant extremely easy and if that doesn’t happen then something is “wrong.” Simply not true.

The best of the best will pick up a 32-ounce ash stick and will still not get a hit four out of ten times. Someone who does it three out of ten is good and two out of ten gets dropped down to the minor leagues.

The point is that not even major league baseball players can expect perfect results, and worrying about that actually makes their game worse.

It’s just part of life. You are young (for having babies) and still have many, many years ahead. If you were 40 and trying for the first time, the advice may be different, but it’s important to find ways to be less worried about it (and beating yourself up for being worried is not the way to achieve that).

Good luck!

16

You’re overthinking it. Have sex when you’re in the mood. Eventually (assuming there are not medical problems preventing it), you’ll have a tot. That’s the way it’s worked for tens of thousands of years.

17

Just had to throw that qualifier in there, didn’t you? :wink:

Thanks, this has all been very helpful. I have decided I will track my BBT, especially since I’m going off the pill and it will help me get a handle on what my regular cycle is like. It just seems like handy information to have. And I think prenatal vitamins would be good.

But outside of that, I’m just going to try to relax and let it happen how it happens.

18

Definitely take prenatal vitamins. You want to be completely sufficient on those vitamins from the point of conception and the only way to do that is to take them before you are pregnant. Also, they’re good for your nails. :slight_smile:

19

Also- have sex in the back of a car. That’s pretty much a guarantee that you’ll have a baby. Or at least, that seems to have done the trick for countless teenagers over the years.

20

I’ve never understood why that’s so popular. I guess when you’re a teenager, your options for location are more limited.