Well, if he were wearing a hoodie he wouldn’t even be around to tell the tale.
Yes he would. That stache has gotta be bullet proof.
Well, if he didn’t want it, he shouldn’t have worn that sexy mustache!
That’s horrific… Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.
Leave the mustache at home!
God damn it! I was going to make that exact same joke.
Kurt Vonnegut can finally be at peace. 
She spelled out the word junk.
golly
Well, if you actually listen to the video, he seems to be using the term rather sarcastically. It was definitely a poor choice of words, but it looks worse in print than if you listen to him describe the incident. He’s an attention whore, though, so I’m sure he loves to have his little victim story to tell, one-upping the toddler as it were.
Thick ropes of milky fluid flecking, then soaking into a mustache.
Enough already. Can we bury him back now?
This is all so one-sided. Somebody ought to say something nice about him. Really, somebody ought to.
His bullet proof mustache has already been mentioned, isn’t that enough?
Why, yes! Yes, it is, good catch! Bombs away on Doucheistan.
Well, he did do that Capone vault thingie live so that the whole world watching could point and laugh at the blowhard.
Yeah, c’mon, Geraldo, when was the last time anybody touched your junk and it didn’t cost you a couple hundred bucks?
I thought it odd that Rivera’s suggested remedy was to privatize TSA.
As though it was Obama personally who wanted to rape him, but Rivera would be safe in the hands of Donald Trump or Blackwater Thugs, Inc.
Now I’m picturing a TSA agent doing the pat-down while wearing a strap-on.
Back when I lived in NYC, I sometimes saw Geraldo Rivera jogging in my neighborhood. From the looks of things, he never took any steps to protect his junk.
- All I see is pork swords.*