Well now. Don’t hold back.
I feel that it’s really stupid because it looks like EVERY OTHER SUV in the world. It doesn’t stand out at all! The Buick commercials attempt the same thing. The problem is that if you have working eyes you can see that there is NOTHING visually interesting or different about these vehicles. Their point makes no sense.
But you don’t have a problem being seen as a ranting asshole who obviously doesn’t know anything about cars?
The OP is a remarkable rant. I had not seen it before this zombie was bumped. Mainly, it’s remarkable for the fact that almost every single sentence in it is wrong. You even manage to work in a crack about styling, revealing that you are not only ignorant about cars, but also blind.
There’s some truth in it. Mercedes-Benz’s reputation for “German Engineered” quality and durability came from the W123 and W124 of the 1980s. They’ve never been able to repeat that. Their cars were especially bad in the early 2000s.
I don’t really disagree with that, but that’s not what the idiot said. He ridiculed Mercedes as having “built a reputation of quality and exclusivity”, which in fact they justifiably did. “Quality” in this case meaning advanced engineering and luxury appointments, and many have also proven themselves capable of extraordinary longevity, but they are highly engineered and I’ve never thought of them as particularly “reliable” in terms of being relatively maintenance free. He tries to make that point about BMW, but in fact it’s true of virtually any high-end vehicle with sophisticated engineering, including his much-vaunted high end Japanese cars like Lexus and Infiniti. All of them are demanding in terms of regular maintenance and unforgiving of neglect, and the maintenance isn’t cheap.
And then he has the gall to claim that a Mercedes is equivalent to a midrange Hyundai. This was after calling the VW Beetle “basically a POS” – a car that was not only durable, but so well built that the doors were practically airtight – in an era when American cars were slapped-together heaps that you were expected to replace every couple of years – and it had the most amazing silky-smooth 4-speed transmission back in the days when most cars had column-mounted gearshifts controlling three-speed grinding shitboxes. I realize you have a vested interest in defending American automakers and I grant you that they’ve come a long way since then, but I’m just highlighting some of the stupidities in the OP.
His litany of nonsense also claimed Audi to be “rust buckets” (a friend has had an Audi for nearly a decade and it still looks like it was just driven out of the showroom). The idiot also claimed that “Audi is a very pedestrian looking vehicle and the Lexus is very edgy”, which I thought was hilarious since I have long thought of Lexus as one of the most boring car designs I’ve ever seen, especially in such a high price range, and those models that try to look different and not boring manage to just look weird, like an alien space ship. The one car company that has mastered beautiful, understated elegance is Mercedes. No one else even comes close.
Bolding mine. My Audi is starting to rust along the bottom of the skirts. Nothing major, but it’s noticeable.
But then, it’s a 25-year-old winter beater. The Toyota cries if it so much as hears the words “snow” or “ice”.
Speaking strictly of car ads, Ford’s Evil Twin, with the decapitated cat, is far worse than any German car ad I’ve seen.
Not even gonna link it, it’s that fucking awful.
I like my Tercel.
I don’t really have too much of a gripe with German automobiles except to say that they are overhyped. To each their own though, what works or is affordable to some may not be for others.
I’ve driven many types of cars and have been lucky enough to have a mechanic friend, so from what I’ve learned is the upkeep/maintenance on those cars is far more costly than getting a decent mid-range car and modifying (sometimes heavily) it to your liking aesthetically and performance-wise (as much as you can squeeze out). The routine maintenance of “Luxury” class automobiles is really quite ridiculous and the advertisements are silly. There is no way the stereotypical yuppie types that own them are going to drive them 90MPH around rail-less curves and through inclines and race tuners and muscle cars. It’s for going to the coffee shop, office and back and they are mostly just a status symbol. There are plenty of ways to make a car’s interior luxurious, make the ride more comfortable and beef up performance for a fraction of what a Mercedes costs. Cheaper to own and operate and repair as well. Mercedes are only moving status symbols, not much more. If you’ve got money to burn, good for you but even If I was a loaded rich screwed up celebrity, yuppie lawyer or accountant, I’d still pick up a Chevrolet, Japanese cars are not out of the question, but some feel really cheaply made (mostly looking at Honda here, Lexus are just the knockoff designer handbags of cars), they last fucking forever from OEM, but still something is off about them. Just my opinion, I’m sure i’ll be spit-roasted here for it.
Edit: About VW: Jetta’s…Fuck Jetta’s, man.
Ever drive the hatchback ones? Cool little cars.
“Highly engineered?” What the fuck does that even mean?
“Highly engineered” is a euphemism for “more small plastic parts than other cars that are really hard to get to, to replace” 
It’s perfectly clear from the context. It means the fuck engineering that emphasizes features and performance over basic functionality and the reliability inherent in simplicity. It means components that do amazing things when they work, but result in cars that – as I just finished the fuck saying – are expensive to maintain and demanding in terms of regular maintenance and unforgiving of neglect.
Aye. I had one I really liked. A good friend had one too. My friend tricked out his engine a bit. His car got tee-boned, and we swapped the engine into my car. Very fun to drive.
I know you’re joking, but it’s not even close. A top fuel car’s typical 60’ time is about 0.8 sec, and a P100D can do it in about 1.6 sec. For some perspective, I could cut about a 2.6 sec 60’ in my Mini Cooper, which isn’t much of a drag car.
Sports cars also usually stop and turn much better than your average grocery getter, making you less likely to get in an accident. There were several times in that Cooper that I thought, “Oh, so we’re gonna hit a family of skunks tonight”, when driving a back road at night. I desperately put both feet in all the way, and surprise, we didn’t hit them! According to the testing from Consumer Reports, the only thing made that year that stopped better than the Cooper was the Elise, another sports car. If I’d bought anything other than those two, my car would have smelled like skunk. Sports cars forever!
And the OP is just dumb as hell. The majority of car commercials are ignorant, poorly thought out fictions. Singling out the Germans for it just displays your bias.
I’m just tired of the notion (usually among dilettantes) that the more complicated a device is, the better engineered it is. Thus you get something like the Mercedes-Benz 600 Grosser. 3200 psi hydraulic system to control suspension damping? Sure. But why not have 3200 psi hydraulic lines running throughout the car to operate everything from the power windows and seats, to the sunroof and trunk lid? Sounds reasonable! $11,000 for a replacement power window switch isn’t out of line. and vacuum-operated power door locks? W… wh… why the fuck not?
Are you acquainted with the concept of advertising? They’re not documentaries, reviews, or critiques.
Wait, what? Unless your Mini is the most maxed out tuner car in the world, there’s no way it even approaches that 0-60 time. Or did you mean that “feet” punctuation literally? If so, I apologize. Otherwise the fastest Mini’s (John Cooper Works) in semi-factory tune do about 6 seconds 0-60.
Anything under three seconds is elite, super car or Dodge Demon territory.
He’s talking about the first 60 feet; most drag races are won or lost within the first 60 feet.
Well at least the Top Gear VW Golf Diesel commercial was up to standard!
Berlin to Warsaw, in one tank!
