Some background: My lab recently moved to a designated wing on a lower floor of our building. This area was supposed to be for our whole department, but the two largest labs are dissolving so my lab is the only group in this area. We’re very small, most of the time it’s just me and another research assistant.
Last night I got a call from University Security – an equipment alarm had been set off in the lab. I am required to go in and checking on things. Mouse_Spouse chivalrously offered to go with me, so we pulled on our coats and headed for my work.
When we got to the floor, I could hear the problem: the -80 F freezer’s alarm was going off. I hurried into the lab, turned on the lights, and heard a shrill scream!
A young couple had taken advantage of all the empty bench space we had. :dubious:
“Who the fuck are you?” the young man demanded.
“I work here,” I said as I continued walking to the wailing freezer. There were sounds of clothing being gathered, but I was more concerned about years of samples melting away. Poor Mouse_Spouse didn’t want to leave me, but he didn’t want to stay. All he could do was turn his back to the scurrying couple.
“Couldn’t that wait until morning?”
“Oh, you’re going tell me about waiting?” Its late, I’m flustered, and I’m not taking any crap from some guy fumbling with his pants.
The freezer was fine. Some sort of power surge must have set off the alarm. After resetting this machine – and making a note to call facilities in the morning, I turned to the young lovers. “Ya’ll ready to go?” (When I’m angry, tired, or angry and tired, my accent pops out. It’s my version of turning green.)
The girl was bright red and was looking at the floor. The guy looked worried – not that I could blame him. “What are you going to do?” he asked.
“Escort you out of this area. You have no business here.”
“That’s it?” the girl whispered.
“That’s it. The freezer alarm going off was an accident. Everything is locked up and undisturbed, and I doubt you’re terrorists.”
The kids left. Mouse_Spouse and I followed.
“You handled that surprisingly well, dear.”
“It’s not the first time I’ve discovered grad students mid-rut. It probably won’t be the last.”
“This is common?”
“Long hours, low pay, roommates, they get what they can where they can.”
“Have you ever wanted to do that?”
“Sex in the lab? Hell no. I spend enough time here already, give me a secluded picnic table anyday." 
