In the lab this week I have been filling out the various forms necessary to hire student workers for the summer. There are safety forms where we pledge not to expose the students, and their little gametes, to radiation or unsafe chemicals. (Much to my chagrin, “unsafe” is not defined. A 50 kg tub of regular table salt can be unsafe, depending on what you’re doing.) Then there are the insurance papers, the payment vouchers, etc.
Usually, I despise administrative paperwork, but this time I don’t mind. Every summer I get a crop of high school/undergraduate students to “assist” me. This year, I actually have some control over who I will be working with.
First order of business, I changed the job description for a student worker.
Many young people have no clue what research is actually like, and they have very high expectations. The CSI shows can roast in the most abysmal depths of the worst hell man has ever imagined. Every summer I have to explain that opened toed shoes, mid-drift baring tops and shorts are not allowed in the lab, and every summer I hear, “But on Constant Science Inaccuracy they wear those things!” Yeah, and the actors get paid more for one episode than all the grant money this lab will get in a year. We do real science here and it is very mundane. The acids will burn your skin. The needles are sharp and full of expensive reagents. DNA extraction and testing takes days, if not weeks. Budget shortfalls are a constant problem, not a plot point. Any body parts you may see are from real people, who suffered and died in less than photogenic ways. Great discoveries do happen, but after years of tedious work. “Eureka!” moments are few and far between.
Of course, I won’t tell the students all of this. Some people thrive in this environment, others don’t, the point of this is to help the students decide it this is what they want to do. There are kids with contagious enthusiasm, and reminded me of why I went into this field in the first place. There students I hate working with because their ambition is greater than their ability. Then there are some who are just plain pains.
Let’s see what the summer brings!