GET OFF MY SIDEWALK, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

The BBQ Pit
1

Gah! TWICE today I’ve had to deal with motor vehicles on the goddamn sidewalk right where I have to walk, and I’m fucking sick of it!

The first time I’m walking quietly along in front of the Leacock building when this big van swerves in front of me, right onto the sidewalk alongside the building. There wasn’t enough space to walk around it on the sidewalk so I was forced onto the road, where it should have been! Now this Nobel laureate didn’t seem to be responding to an emergency or loading or unloading a disabled person, so I can only conclude that he was being a total inconsiderate motherfucking piece of shit!

Having walked around this prize specimen, I continued my route towards the Birks building, when suddenly AUGH there comes a fucking leaf blower truck behind me! I’m totally trapped against a fence! ¿¡Jesús y María, hombre, qué madre estás haciendo!?

So after roaring up behind me on the fucking sidewalk in a motor vehicle and trapping me and scaring the living shit out of me, this guy slows down long enough to let me run away, and gives me this little “don’t worry, it’s OK” wave. NO IT’S NOT OK, YOU ASS, YOU’VE JUST GIVEN ME A PANIC ATTACK! You do not get to FORGIVE me for being a pedestrian on a sidewalk in front of your motorized ass, you prick!

Gaaaahhhh! This sonofabitch literally gave me a classic panic attack - shaky hands, fits of rage (as witness), inability to concentrate - I barely heard one thing the TA said in my phonology conference - and it’s all because I have the temerity to use my campus sidewalks for their intended purpose - that would be WALKING, rather than DRIVING ON THEM PLAYING HUNT-THE-PEDESTRIAN!

It’s not enough that the entire city is designed expressly for your benefit, IS IT? It’s not enough that you motherfucking sonsabitching pieces of horseshit have access to SIX-METRE-WIDE STRETCHES OF PAVEMENT EXPRESSLY FOR YOUR USE, IS IT? I have this one little metre-wide path where it’s supposed to be safe for me to walk and you have to TAKE THAT UP TOO?

DRIVE OFF THE FUCKING CHAMPLAIN BRIDGE, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! THE SIDEWALK IS FOR WALKING!!!

[sub]…calm blue ocean. calm blue ocean. calm blue ocean. calm blue ocean. …[/sub]

2

There is a reason it isn’t called the sidedrive . . .

Luckily, where I live at school the roads are too small and shitty to allow anything but maintenance vehicles, else I’m pretty sure some smartguy would park his car AT his (school) apartment OR in the middle of the damn street.

3

Whatever you do, don’t ever go to Paris. They’ve got these guys on 125CC motorbikes equipped with vacuum cleaners (!) that hurtle down the sidewalks sucking up dog crap. Yeah, OK, they clear up the poo, but I’ve nearly gotten run over about ten times by those maniacs.

4

So, the first two hits both missed, huh? Somebody’s not getting his money’s worth… :slight_smile:

5

Quebec drivers… 'nuff said.

:smiley:

Seriously, when I drive through Montreal I’m constantly being amazed/scared/mortified/amused by some drivers. I plan my entire trip from Ottawa to the east coast so that I don’t hit Montreal during rush hour. It’s just too wild there for this country boy…

6

Sheesh, the guy hits 6000 posts and he thinks he owns the fucking sidewalk :slight_smile:

7

Naw, that was just mjolley avoiding a cyclist.

8

Maybe he was over on a work-visa from Britain and was confused by instructions to “clear the pavement.” Happens all the time.

9

If you don’t like how I drive, STAY OFF THE SIDEWALK! :smiley:

10

Matt, Matt, Matt… calm down and think of winter… then the tracked mini-bulldozer snow removals guys will be trying to run you down. And you should have used the tunnel under the Arts building… then taken the stairs in front of McConnell (they very seldom drive down those).

:slight_smile: see ya in winnipeg

11

Actually, I was in the little fence area between the doors of Dawson Hall and the McConnell steps. Nothing I could do; trapped like a rat. :frowning:

12

Quebec drivers are polite, courteous snails compared to drivers in Rome. I have driven in Montreal for years, driven in Paris as cool as a “concombre”, but in Rome, I met my Waterloo. At one point as I had been going around in circles unable to change lanes, and faced the possibility of an eternity of motion sickness, I put on my emergency flashing lights, stopped, and burst into tears. A policeman stopped traffic on God knows how many lanes and let me through. I think the tears did it. Those Italians drive like demons but they are such gentlemen when it comes to wailing women.