Well, I’m back and all went fine. I didn’t even have to undress, tho they did make me put on a hospital gown over my jeans and T… I didn’t even take my shoes off!!
Nurse Alice 1 (there were 2) did all my vitals and started my IV - complaining about my veins. Yeah, I know - I’ve got crappy veins. Deal with it - you’re the pro! 
No I didn’t say that, and she got it started first try.
I lay there kinda half dozing when someone from the endoscopy group came in a wheeled me to that section. Yep, same place they did the other procedure. I lay there in the staging area a while waiting for my turn, trying not to think about it. Apparently, there was a schedule problem - my Dr was removing a passle o’polyps from some guy and another Dr needed to do a procedure and the third room was being held for some inpatient procedure. So they wheeled one guy OUT of room 1 - he was to go before me. There was much whining and explaining behind the desk, and they apologized to me for the delay, but like I said - I had nothing else to do. Unfortunately for me, they were discussing donuts and panera bread. I hadn’t eaten in 18 hours. Bastards.
Polyp-man was taken to recovery and the next man, who was having the same procedure as I, was wheeled into room 2. I got to listen to the nurse yelling at him… not that she was berating him - I guess when they talk to you thru the haze of drugs, they yell. Not that I remember.
Somewhere along the way, I grabbed a quickie nap. Then they took the other guy out of #2 and wheeled me in. The first nurse said “colonoscopy” and I said “NO!!!” Well, mebbe not that enthusiastically, but I pointed out that they’d already probed those depths. Sheesh, read my paperwork!
They attached monitor leads to my chest and arm, a BP cuff to one arm, and the little clippy-thingie that takes your pulse. Then the nurse told me she was going to numb my throat. “Don’t breathe it in!” So I held my breath while she sprayed the stuff. Then I gagged and the numbing stuff got all over my tongue. It tasted of a really bad imitation banana - mega-ick! And because I kinda retched it into the front of my mouth, they had to give me a second spray of it. The Dr figgered out how to get it done - he had me roll to my side and he said “Don’t swallow - just drool into the towel.” Yeah, I can do that. Meanwhile, someone had drugged me, and next thing I remember, they were unhooking the monitor leads and rolling me back to recovery.
About the time Nurse Alice 2 was getting my post-procedure vitals, my husband showed up. He sat there while the numbing wore off and my mouth started to feel normal again. They had to keep me for a certain amount of time, then I had to drink something before they’d release me. Steve kept playing with the pulse monitoring thingie - I swear, engineers and gadgets!!!
Then Nurse Tamara came in to remove the IV and give me my release instructions. By this time, Steve had found the defibrillator. That devolved into a commercial for Popeil Pocket Defibrillator! Train your doggies! Use it for fishing! Grill cheese between the paddles. All for $19.95!!! He had Tamara and me in stitches. Then he threatened to change the number setting to read: Popcorn, Beverage, Baked Potato, Defrost… Yeah, I married a crazy man.
So, with papers in hand, we wandered the labyrinth from Day Surgery to the parking lot and came home. No alcohol, no driving, take it easy for 24 hours. As soon as I got home, I found a box of mac-n-cheese and cooked it up. Perhaps not the most wholesome meal, but it was quick and I was hungry. I’m enjoying a glass of ice water, feeling a wee bit dopey, but none the worse for wear.
And everything was normal. So now he wants to check my small intestines to be sure there’s no bleeding there. I’m all but convinced that the daily aspirin were to blame, but better to be certain, I guess. Thankfully, that procedure doesn’t involve scopes or probes. I just drink something nasty and they do x-rays or something. Getting old sux.
Thanks for all the good words - youse guys are the best!!!
