Get your fresh, hot evil glurge right here!

At the risk of reading too much into this piece o’crap:

All three of them are in the water, being tossed around by the waves &c., correct? So what the hell difference does it make if the father has a rescue line? A rescue line only helps if the person holding it is in a safe place. What would have really happened is that the father and whichever boy was on the other end of the line would have been swept out to sea together.

Stupid glurgers.

Question for sailors – this particular ship of fools was sailing off the Pacific coast “when a fast approaching storm blocked any attempt to get back to the shore.”

Doesn’t bad weather generally come from the west on the Pacific coast? And isn’t the shore usually to the east? How realistic is the situation described?

I’m so glad that no one I know sends me glurge any more (I cured 'em all, I did). God help the person who sends me this.

Throw out the life-line

a-cross the dark wave

There is a broth-er

whom some-one should save,

Some-bod-y’s broth-er!

Oh, who then will dare

to throw out the life-line,

his per-il to share?

chorus

Throw out the life-line!

Throw out the life-line!

Some-one is drift-ing a-w-ay.

Throw out the life-line!

Throw out the life-line!

Some-one is sink-ing to-day."

Now this is going through my head.

You are evil, throatshot.

I’m with Finagle: trust in God, but wear your damn lifejacket!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a few “Drown a Christian for Jesus” bumper stickers to print up…

C’mon, this was back in the days before lifejackets (and weather reporters), but obviously just after blood thirsty lawyers entered the scene. This is the real reason he saved the other kid: fear of litigation. The Christian angle was a later rationalization.

It came in e-mail, ergo it must be true!

must…reach…insulin…injection…

Notice the old man didn’t have his wife with him. Bet she kicked his ass to the curb as soon as she found out he:

  1. took kids boating w/out lifejackets
  2. didn’t bother to check weather reports
  3. let his only son drown

The other ending to the story is that he gets to heaven only to find his son filling in for St Peter that day.

“Sorry Dad, this other guy is more in need of saving. Hey, that sounds familiar!”

Feeling… woozy…

:frowning:

Esprix

Hey, it’s a powerful tool for atheists:

“Hey, Jesus-boy, I’m not Christian, but give me $50 in the hopes I might be some day. Hey, Jesus-boy, loan me your car…”

The moral of the story- if your dad is a christian, its best to not have any friends. . . .

:smack: :smack: :smack:

A priest lost at sea decided that if he was going to live it was going to be because the Lord decided to save him. He prayed constantly that the Lord would deliver him from a fate beneath the crashing waves.

Shortly after, a helicopter came overhead and lowered a ladder.

“No thank you,” the priest said. “The Lord will save me.”

Then, a Navy ship appeared and offered to bring him to shore.

“No thank you,” the priest answered, smugly. “The Lord will keep me safe…he will deliver me.”

Finally, when he could take it no longer, dehydrated and starved, he drown beneath the choppy sea.

When he arrived in heaven, he asked God why he didn’t deliver him from this fate.

And God said, “Cripes! I sent a helicopter and a Navy destroyer! What else did you want?”

Thanks Jackmannii, now ya got me singing!

So with that in mind I apologize in advance. I’m sure you all can guess the tune, but if not, it’s at the end.
Just sit right back

and you’ll hear a tale,

a tale of a fateful trip

that started with three idiots

falling from a ship.
The son was a mighty Christian man

the pastor, brave and sure.

Three passengers set sail that day

on a three-hour tour, a three-hour tour.
The weather started getting rough,

the tiny ship was tossed.

If not for the courage of the fearless crew

the heathen would be lost,

the heathen would be lost.
The pastor had a choice to make

of who to try to save

save himself

or his son,

the heathen too,

save all three, or only two,

the Christian son

The pastor had his choice to make

He saved the heathen knave!
Now the pastor is here in later years

It has been a long, long time.

He’s had to make the best of things,

It was an uphill climb.

Lost the boat and the Christian too.

He did his very best,

to baptize this heathen friend

and put his mind to rest.

No sins, so right, a nice collar,

A new covenant,

like John the Revelator

it’s wondrous as can be.

So now, you see before you friends,

It’s sure to make you rave

The heathen was the pastor’s choice

The one he chose to save!

(Tune from Gilligan’s Island)

No one has pointed out, although I am sure that many have noticed, that this is just a (to use the Disney term) “reimagining” of the story that is the basis for Christian theology, and encapsulated in John 3:16. Of course the Christian idea is a reimagining and extension of the Abraham and Isaac story. Theology can create problems when reduced to “workaday” images. JDM

By the way- you can sing the words to the Gilligan’s Island theme song to the tune of Amazing Grace.

jr8, I’m still giggling over your “Drown a Christian For Jesus” bumper stickers.

Father Charlie don’t surf!

And vice-versa.

I’m trying to get over the fact that according to this piece of sludge, it’s the Christian choice to let your son drown, whereas it’s the Pagan choice (or at least this Pagan’s choice) to do one’s damnedest to save them both. Who exactly are they trying to say is morally superior?

So what are these teenagers doing in the church if they’re not already Christians, anyway?

Jeez. That was just awful.

But the best is Amazing Grace sung to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club song.

Heard Garrison Keillor singing it once, and I laughed so hard I almost wrecked the car.

Regarding the OP’s glurge:

I’m currently debating on whether or not to send that to everyone I know with the subject “This is a good example of something you do NOT send me.”