Nuke a Gay Baby Whale for JAYZUZ!!!
I dunno, it’s not so bad. It just needs a more dramatic ending. One that’s topical, echoes the original message, and speaks to the younger generation (of which a stalwart young man no less than Uekte feels he represents). How about this one?
The boy looked pensively at the old man. “Mister,” he said, “don’t you miss your son?”
Gripping his worn Bible, the old man replied, “Of course I do. Every day. But I look forward to the day my Lord calls me, because I know I’ll join my son in eternal happiness.”
“Really?”
“Indeed, lad.”
With that, the teen reached into his backpack, withdrew a .357 magnum, and shot the old man dead. The congregation applauded thunderously, secure in the belief that the old man would soon be reunited with his beloved son.
THE END
I hereby declare jr8 and Guinistasia Funniest Dopers EVER. I just fell out of the chair laughing at those posts.
polite applause as awards handed out
splatterpunk, I just laughed my ass off. Man, is your handle ever appropriate to that post.
Gah. Nasty, nasty glurge.
Free communion booze and crackers? 
The hypothetical church in question sounds more like one that gets its Holy Communion from Welch’s than CPS.
I think I’ll play Devil’s Advocate here, and defend it.
- In an actual storm, all a father would be able to think about would be his son, so the letter makes no difference anyway.
- Compared to circulating emails that spout hate, this one seems to have the message of “help non-Christians.” For reference, see some of the Anti-Islam stuff floating around post-9-11.
Well, ok… to be honest, the only reason I’m defending it is to be able to use the “Devil’s Advocate” pun.
I want fruity smooth golden wine from Spain.
Look, I’ve got it all figured out. I have a friend that’s a Mormon he told me that whenever anyone dies, the Mormons baptize them as a Mormon.
I figure, wherever I am at the time(probably boiling in a vat of oil in Hell) those guys will baptize me and I’ll be instantly transported to Mormon Heaven.
I might have to put up with 2-3 weeks tops in Hell…and that’s only if I die alone in a jungle, Sweet!