Gibbering Loon Of An Assmunch!

The BBQ Pit
#1

SWEET TIKI OF TAHITI!

So I stop off at the K-Mart center. I go into the Entemen’s Bakery Outlet to pick up something sweet for the family. I go back to my car…

And I find some weird, unshaven guy popping up on the other side of my car, saying that he was a mechanic, & that he’d “fix my car for $8, so he’d have enough money to get my car fixed”.
WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

I mutter something, get into my car quick, & get the fuck out of there. I’m in State Government, & I deal with salaried crazies all the time–I don’t need the freelancers!

Halfway across the parking lot I stop the car cold—what was he doing on the ground next to my car? :smack:

I get out & do a walkaround.

He has stolen 2 of the 4 black plastic caps off my tire stems!:eek:

I drive back, with a certain ammount of blod in my eye. If Porkpie don’ wanna give me back my black plastic caps, I’m gonna go all lieu on his sorry ass!:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

He’s gone.

They cost 99 cents dammit!

Jabbering frothing rabid punk-ass cocksucking donkey-futtering jack-assed SOB!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
MONKEY BUTLER FUCKER!!!

#2

I want a monkey butler!!!

Monkey butler monkey butler monkey butler!!! :smiley:

#3

Bosda,

That same shit happened to me while living in MI!! WTF!??!?!

Why steal those darn plastic things?!?!??! And it was in my neighborhood.

Ass muncher monkey butlers!

#4

I’m going to start using this in real life.

#5

I’m smiling but that’s really not fair or accurate is it? Is your health or that of your family’s dependant on the stolen stems? Otherwise, I’d just blow it off since this obviously was just some guy down on his luck.

Sorry about your stems but it’s no reason to go poastal.

#6

Bwhaa! “Poastal?”

#7

It’s like toast, only it involves less bakery products and more prehensile rectums.

[sub]Vanity searches bring out some really strange threads, don’t they?[/sub]

#8

Here you go. :slight_smile:

#9

This is just a guess, but I’d say that if you had agreed to have him “fix your car”, he would’ve said that your tires were going flat, replaced your caps and trotted off with your eight dollars.

I say this because there once was a guy in my former neighborhood going around stealing the hubcaps from parked cars at night, then coming back the next day with a story about how he “just happened” to have a few of the exact kind of hubcaps the car was missing and would sell them for $10 or so.

He got caught.

Sounds kind of like the same basic scam.

#10

I’ve just checked with the local crime prevention website.

This asshole’s been going around, letting air out of people’s tires, & then refilling them with a compressor in his van, for an $8 fee.

I must have caught him just before he started letting the air out.

FILTHY WHOREHOUND! DON’T MESS WITH MY RIDE!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: