My wife and I have a very close friend who is getting married for the second time next month. She is divorced with two kids (16 and 18), and her fiance is also divorced with kids (all of whom are out of the house already). She’s 41 and he’s in his 50s. Both are in good health, have good jobs and are doing well financially.
Once they’re both married, they will be combining their respective kitchens, art, etc. I can’t think of anything they really need (and it would be weird to ask them directly). Even though they like art, I think their walls will be full.
Any ideas on a good gift? It would need to be something special, since this is such a good friend, but can’t break the bank.
Here’s a small caveat - we live in Israel. Israelis overwhelmingly give cash as wedding presents, and as American immigrants (which both we and our friends are), we’re looked at as strange for thinking of giving anything else. So there’s no real concept here of wedding registries, which would make it easier.
I’d like to get them something that will even years down the line cause them to think of us and our friendship. So it could be a physical object (something we haven’t thought of yet that they’d want or need), or an experience they’d remember, or even learning a skill that they’ll use in the future. We’ve considered monogrammed “something”, but can’t come up with anything that seems nice enough, and not cheesy.
I read what you said about art, but do you have a really nice snapshot of them that could be enlarged and framed nicely? Or even used as a reference for a commissioned drawing/painting? That’s what I would do.
Sounds like you ought to just go with cash. It’s what’s expected, and they really don’t need anything. I had this experience when I got married–my husband and I both had fully equipped households, so half the stuff was chucked. Trust me, they don’t want stuff.
You mentioned a new skill or experience - you could sign them up for a cooking class or whatever their interests might be, or you could arrange a fun trip for the four of you to take together.
Beyond that I’d say cash is your best bet, especially if that’s what everyone else does. They could put it towards their honeymoon.
You really should go with cash, in my opinion. Also, I’m not sure the idea is to give them something that will make them think of you, which sounds just a titch ego centric. I thought the idea was to help set them up for their future. As they are neither young, nor just starting out, cash seems eminently wiser.
I mean they aren’t going to forget you, and they aren’t going to forget the day, after all.
All that said, ultimately you should just do what makes you happy, come down to it. They aren’t getting married for the gifts. No one is enforcing rules here. Being shunned by your community for a bad choice seems highly unlikely. So do whatever suits you, your friends will still love you however you choose!
A +1 for Elemenopy’s suggestion. Even if they have tons of artwork, most folks like to rotate what’s on their walls (and flat/framed artwork stores/ships easily) plus assuming these two go on to grow old together, they’ll have a nice reminder of their early relationship together.
For what it’s worth, there is a reason that Israelis give cash at the wedding: the usual social rule is that you write a check that covers the cost of your meal at the banquet hall.
This means that , no matter how fancy the wedding, it doesn’t become a financial strain for the family.
There are Hebrew websites with calculators that suggest how much to give: you type in the location of the ceremony, the season, type of food served, number of people expected, etc , and it prints out a number.
Yes, what about a monogrammed small item as part of a larger gift where most of it will be consumed. For example, a nice heavy-duty corkscrew/wine opener and a few bottles of wine and a subscription to a wine-of-the-month? A pair of engraved champagne flutes and a bottle? A tray or serving platter – those are always helpful when you need different shapes or sizes.
