In my short “adult” life, I’ve only been to a few weddings and, for each of those, I had some idea what to give the happy young couple. This one is different. If they’re registered somewhere, they didn’t mention it, and due to work, moving, and various other things, I haven’t been able to grab a beer with my friend the groom recently.
So, I have three options:
1.) Give cash (well, a check). Advantages: Easy for both parties. Useful. Disadvantages: Least creative gift ever.
2.) Give cash, and copy of The Worst Case Scenario Handbook.* Advantages: Easy for both parties. Useful. Slightly humorous. Disadvantages: Slightly silly.
3.) Attempt to find a useful and creative gift. Advantage: Would be great. Disadvantages: Really hard. I no longer live in the same town as the groom and am not sure who else was invited to the wedding, so my informational gathering prospects are limited.
So what do people think? Is cash a good gift? If so, should I bundle it in something small and cute, like that book? Is there some other safe, default, present?
Also, err, how do i figure out how much? The groom and I currently make similar fairly small amounts of money, we’re finishing grad school.
Oh etique…you are complicated. Any advice appreciated.
*Or similar. Consider this a request for nominations.
Almost everyone is registered at one of the following
Target
Bed Bath & Beyond
Pottery Barn
Macy’s Amazon.com
Do a quick search, I bet you’ll find them. If you don’t, I would give money. It’s not original, but always very welcome. If you write them an extra-sincere card, maybe that would help you feel better about it?
When in doubt, I like to make up a gift basket of gourmet edibles. Fancy spreads, crackers, cookies, pasta/sauce, olives, nuts, chocolates, and other nibbles. Bottle of wine if they’re wine drinkers. It’s always gotten rave reviews. Consumable and no lame tchotchkies that they have to keep around for when you visit. And everyone can use a nice basket.
Thanks guys, this is helpful. I’ll check to see if they’re registered at those places. If not, a friend of mine highly recommends this book:
As for checking with the friend:
The wedding is in a week and a half (eek!) and I’m highly reluctant to bother him. I get the impression that they’re going all out for the wedding, and I imagine that he gets a new grey hair every time his phone rings with yet another last minute question.
I do exactly the same thing, and, in fact, I went to a wedding just four days ago and gave this very gift.
I always add a couple nice linen napkins and a wine decanter or a couple wine glasses. I make pepper jams, so the happy couple always gets a jar of that. They also get a custom-mixed CD containing a playlist of songs relevant to love & marriage. If I don’t know the couple’s music tastes very well, I will ask for a list of their top 5 favorite love songs; helps a lot. If I can find a tiny cutting board, or a little cheese knife, and/or a wine bottle opener, I add little bonus gifts to the basket. Basically, I am giving the couple a picnic but really, I am giving them memories to cherish.
ETA: The best thing about this gift is you can control the cost. If your budget is tight you just limit the items you put in the basket, like pick up a cheaper wine, or skip the glasses/decanter.
Cash is cash; a check is not cash. Please try to imagine something more annoying than going through the hell of planning and having a wedding, going on a honeymoon, collecting and going through all the presents, writing thank you notes to everyone, and then having to go cash a single check.
It’s so little effort on your part to go the bank or atm, but it would save the newlyweds a tedious errand.
Yes, also thefts happen, the card box is the first thing anyone is going to try to swipe off the gift table. If you want to give cash that’s great but it’s perfectly fine if someone else wants the extra assurance that their gift will be received by the intended recipient.
And I could think of many things more annoying than the burden of having to go to the bank.
Oh, please, spare me. If collecting and going through all the gifts, writing thank you notes, and cashing checks is too much trouble, perhaps they should just put an emphatic “No gifts please!” on the invites and spare themselves the “trouble” of dealing with other people’s generosity.
Why is it any more tedious for the newlyweds to go to the atm or bank? If you got a couple grand in cash for your wedding are you really going to stuff it under the mattress rather than take it to the bank anyway?
They’re mid 20s, and have been living together for…2 years? It’s a small apartment, and they’re almost certainly moving to a new city next year. So, in term of practical necessities, they have everything they need and will probably have to move everything in 8 or 9 months anyway.
Thanks for the discussion on cash v check. I’m strongly leaning check, my experience being that once you’re going to the bank to deposit 1 check it doesn’t really matter whether you have 1, 2, or 10. So minimal added inconvenience, and some piece of mind.
The gift basket idea is lovely. Probably not the best idea in this case, but i’ll have to keep it in mind.
I do similar, except that I put it in a cooler or a nice wicker picnic basket. Depending on who (ie $$$) I may include 2 wine glasses or champagne flutes from their registery to go with the wine and/or a good paring knife & cutting board to go with cheese. That way they have something from me off their registry (glasses, knife, maybe even the cooler) and the consumables. Again, a gift card can be slipped in too if it seems appropriate. I also have always found it to be a hit.
Oh yeah, Miss Manners would say that it is your job to ask about a registry since it would be uncouth for them to “advertise” and troll for gifts. In other words, just ask.