OK, so I’m standing up in a wedding this Saturday. I haven’t put much thought into the gift yet. I’m really busy these days and a few of us groomsman aren’t sure whats a good gift when you’re standing up. I generally do cash, but I’m wondering if thats too typical for a groomsman. Its very easy for me, and I suppose its the most practical, but since when are weddings about being practical? Should I put in the effort to go out and shop off the registry, saving them a trip (but most likely getting something the bride picked out), or should I go with cash? Other ideas are welcome too, the sooner the better.
Even though cash may seem too typical, it’s always welcome; cash never hurts.
True; cash never hurts, but if you want to give them a gift, whenever we have friends that marry, one of the gifts we always give them is a copy of The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein.
It illustrates the foundation principle of any relationship that is to last long term; The principle of giving more than you get. If they both adhere to this principle, the marriage will most likely succeed. And it’s a charming story.
Get them something from the registry. It won’t just be things she picked out. If you look at the list it is often clear what items he picked out, if you want to give a gift that the groom will enjoy. Also, a registry gift is the functional equivalent of a cash gift: they can easily return it for money, and it gets wrapped in a pretty box. Opening the boxes is FUN.
You might want to ask if they registered at anywhere other than the typical big department store, especially if the department store is not your thing. A lot of people I know (especially here in Seattle) register at REI. Then you could get them something cool like a tent or a sleeping bag, or something like that.
Bottom line: I think it is nicer to give a gift to a friend than cash.
I don’t know if it’s sufficient for a wedding you’re standing up in, but my Standard Wedding Gift for some time has been a crystal pitcher, and maybe as a set with glasses depending on price and affinity with the wedding couple. A nice pitcher one can serve orange juice, iced tea, etc in to guests seems to be one of those things people often overlook. It always seems to go over pretty well, anyway.
Shaky Jake
Best gift Hubby and I got at our wedding was a gift certificate to Home Depot. When you’re setting up a new household, it’s pretty helpful.
If the couple has a wedding gift registry, select something out of the registry. The couple has gone through the list to choose what they want most, so you can’t go wrong choosing from the registry.
Your second bet is to ask the maid of honor. Traditionally (back in the days when couples didn’t do anything so blatantly and shamelessly selfish as to actually DEMAND specific things by registering at a store), the maid of honor was the individual who kept tabs on what would work best for the new couple. You went and quietly asked the maid of honor, and if there were any items the couple felt they really wanted, they made sure to let the maid of honor know. Chances are, she will have a good idea of what they really want.
While cash is often appreciated and in many cultures expected, I would go with the registry first.
Since you’re a groomsman, I assume you’re pretty good buds with the groom. Ask him what he wants.
At our wedding, our attendants gave cash. Very few people ever give gifts, at least at weddings I’ve seen. Some ideas, if you don’t want to give cash:
Photo album
Picture frame(s)
Bottle of champagne, with glasses
Gift certificate to see a play or a concert
Ice cream maker
Fondue pot
Have either one or both of them been moved out of their parents’ homes for long? My husband and I didn’t move out until we got married. We had nothing. We spent a few hundred bucks at Target the first week or so just getting the basics (paper towels, detergent, toothpaste, etc). If they don’t have that stuff, a gift certificate would be really nice. You could even include a note that that’s what it’s for (a group of the girls at work did that for me).
IMO, I think it’s nicer to give a gift if you’re a part of the wedding party. It’s more personal.
tiffany’s always has nice stuff and you don’t have to wrap it. you can get very nice crystal item’s that start at $25.00 and things go up from there. online shopping really easy.
please promise me that you will give the gift before the wedding or up to a year after the wedding, NOT the day of the wedding that is just “NOT” done. doth sayeth miss manners.
One of the all time coolest gifts I got when I got married (the first time) was a picnic basket, stuffed to the gills with little kitchen gadgets that everyone forgets about. Actually, for my first wedding, I received three picnic baskets. The other two were smaller ones. One had actual picnic stuff in it, and the other had a bottle of wine and two very nice wine glasses.
My mom told me that her favorite gift, when she married my dad, was one that my great-grandmother got for her. It was a mop bucket and mop, with the bucket chock full of cleaning stuff. Not very romantic, but darn practical, and it definitely got used.
Now, the bride may not like getting a bunch of cleaning stuff from a groomsman, but the picnic basket with the wine might be kinda neat. 
Well, I used to give photo frames until I realized that was a very, very popular “default” wedding gift. It’s still nice, mind you, but I don’t think the couple will be wont for them atfer the ceremony.
I think the Home Depot gift certificate is a great idea! Veyr manly, very appropriate for a groomsman to give. The bride will be thrilled with all the kitcheny, lacey, frilly, crystal-ly stuff, and the groom will too, although to a smaller extent (well, if he’s anything like my groom). But a Home Depot? Or HomeBase? Suh-weet score for the groom.
In fact, the Llama and I have thought about registering at Home Depot (yes, they do registries). :::insert Tim Allen grunts:::
A small toolset of the type of tools most used around the house is a good gift. A portable drill, hammer, screwdrivers, pliers, and flashlight. And these are gifts that you know will be used, they don’t just sit around. Pictures need hanging, Ikea furniture needs assembling etc.
A lot of good ideas here; I like the baskets with the wine bottle.
I’ll agree generally with my wife, though. (Always a good idea, but this time it’s for real. No, really.) katrina above says that just because it’s on the registry, that doesn’t mean it’s all the bride’s selections. She speaks from experience: She and I went through the Bon Marche with the registry scanning gun (lots of fun, if you haven’t done this), and we made our decisions together. We even went down into the toy department and added a couple of truly goofy items for those acquaintances of ours who didn’t feel comfortable buying us something mundane like a box of forks, or whatever.
The reason I say, go with the registry? It was truly annoying to open all our gifts afterward and find that perhaps one person in five had gone with our registry selections. Obviously, there was a lot of love in the gifts, and we certainly appreciated that, but practically speaking, we ended up with duplicate items, some weird and useless stuff, and a bunch of other stuff that went on the “return” list. Bottom line, the majority of the stuff we had added to the registry, we wanted. We had to go spend almost two grand completing our china, for example.
If you have the time, get something from the registry list. You’ll know it’s something at least one of them (and probably both) want, and you know it won’t be returned. If you’re worried about it being too impersonal, have the item engraved on the bottom or back or something where it won’t be seen in day-to-day use, but the recipients will know it’s yours.
Hmmm, of the suggestions I’ve come up with a handful of categories.
[ul]
[li]$$$$$[/li][li]Registry Gifts[/li][li]Luxuries[/li][li]Painfully practical gifts[/li][/ul]
Now, I’m not one of the people they expect to do anything remotely practical, but if its really is best to get them that vacuum cleaner they’ll need I will do it. They’ve been living together for about 2 years since college, have a fairly good stock of necessities, albeit cheap dishes etc. Now, I know that the registry is going to be mainly her crap, he basically had no time to commit to the preparation so cutting a corner like that seems logical. she most certainly went out and picked out gifts for them. I’m tempted to go with a bottle of Dom and some crystal flutes. This is 100% luxury and has no practical value, but I know they never get anything like that on their own. I’ve thought about tickets to Blue Man Group, another luxury that would leave them without anything tangible to show for it. I personally think gift certificates are a bad idea, if I went that route I’d give cash, it spends a hell of alot better and a gift certificate doesn’t scream effort and thoughtfulness. On the practical side I could give power tools, good for the groom, and easy for me to pick up compared to a registry. The registry is the wild card, I see it’ll likely be things they really need and prevent the likelyhood of a duplicate, but its harder for me to make time to do that, and I resist the concept of “requesting” a gift for this occasion. Of course I see the benefits of it.
Is it just me or is this the biggest pile of crap you have ever heard? Since when is late the preferred option? Granted it would make my life easier, but late is better than not at all, but how is it better than the night of the reception?
How is late better than the night of the reception? Perhaps because the bride, groom, parents and attendants might prefer enjoying the dinner, wedding cake, dancing, etc. at the reception to guarding the gift table at the reception.
Guarding the gift table???
Um…you’re among family and friends, right? Who the hell is going to steal from the gift table!
That’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever heard.
Drain - it happens. A girl I used to know (we weren’t really “friends” - just acquaintances in an office I used to work in) got married and had one of those “wishing wells” where people would put envelopes with cash - someone stole it from the reception.
You gotta be some kind of strange to steal from someone’s wedding.
I have no doubt that it has happened, but if you’re actively worrying about it at the reception you need to work on either those trust issues, or your choice of friends. I see it this way, alot of people leave gifts at the reception, espeically ones who don’t see the bride and groom often, or are from out of town. Knowing that, there are going to be gifts, and if the bride/groom plan on stressing over it thats their problem. Having less gifts that night doesn’t prevent the “gift table” from existing. Secondly most couples delegate out managing the gifts to a parent, attendant, or someone on the wedding prep staff. A gift there on that day is a fact of life, and one could make the arguement that its easier for the couple since they can tackle most all the thank-yous all at once. So unless anyone offers me a better reason than “Miss Manner’s” said so, I’m declaring that issue dead in hope we can get back to the matter at hand.
I need help and time is running out.
Firsthand experience here: katrina and I had a family member steal stuff from our wedding. We know for a fact (because she was seen) that she took several bottles of unopened champagne from the garage, plus a bunch of the bubble-blowing bottles we had provide to keep the children entertained. We also strongly suspect her of walking off with a few of the disposable cameras we had put out so guests could take pictures of each other and thereby greatly expand our album. I hadn’t considered the possibility of her swiping something off the gift table; I suppose she might have, though it seems unlikely. Of course, we never thought a family member would rip off cameras and champagne, either, so there you go.
What can you do about it? Or, put another way, would we do something differently if we did it again? Probably not. If she’s a kleptomaniac, and the champagne and cameras weren’t so easy to grab, she might have stolen something more valuable from the house (we had a backyard ceremony). And besides, why stress about it? We just won’t invite her to anything in the future, and leave it at that. It’s a happy day; we won’t let something stupid like this ruin it.