Some cousin-in-law (“CiL”) I never met is getting married across the country. I will not be attending. We were sent an invitation, which included a little piece of paper saying (paraphrased) No presents, just cash.
I thought that was incredibly tacky. Normally, as I hate shopping, I give cash anyway. Yet if CiL is going to be that tacky, I say expect a really garish stand mixer and a lost receipt. But then, I’m a nasty cuss and an all-around mean old curmudgeon.
Now, Ms. D_Odds won’t let me really do anything like that in retaliation (one of us has to have brains, tact and manners), so this is nothing more than a mental exercise at how best to handle such tacky gift suggestions.
I’ve experienced two similar wedding invitations, although I admit that the request for cash presents wasn’t included with the invitation. In one case the bride, whom I knew well, told me that she and her fiancé would prefer cash. In the other case the message was passed around by word of mouth by the groom’s mother.
It didn’t worry me at all. In fact, it made things much easier. Instead of having to go shopping, I just wrote a cheque for the amount that I would have spent on a gift, put it into a card and posted it.
I agree with featherlou. Dealing with an act of crassness by ignoring it seems to me more appropriate than doing something snarky (although I confess that I once sent an etiquette book as a gift to a greedy bride!)
Is it really that tacky for a couple to ask for cash for their wedding? (I’m not married and wont be for a long while…and when I am, I like opening presents :D). I thought this was a semi- common practice and the money was used for a house or whatever.
Don’t get me wrong, I see where it is tacky if they mean, “we don’t want your crappy as gift!”. I also understand that this situation is a lil’ different as it is someone OP has never met.
I hope that wasn’t too babbly and actually made sense :smack:
It’s tacky to indicate anything about presents, of any kind, unless the couple (or their immediate family members, by proxy) are asked directly. After a polite “if you insist” you can then mention things like registries or other preferences if you wish. Putting gift information in the invitation is seriously tacky.
The Etiquette Hell website has a selection of Etiquette hell money you can print out and send. (Scroll down through the contents list until you find “Etiquette Hell Money”.)
It’s tacky to ask for anything at all and it’s extra, double tacky to panhandle for cash.
Wedding gifts are not something anyone is automatically entitled to, they are purely gratuitous, non-required options for wedding guests. Sending out invitations to people you don’t know or barely know solely for the purpose of soliciting gifts and cas is tacky in the extreme and those kinds of requests routinely go into the trash at our house. Sending back monopoly money or a check for “jack shit” would be amusing, though.
Years ago my ex husband had friends getting married. They managed to offend me by ranting about the Catholic church and Christianity in general (You know the drill, we see it here from time to time, Christianity is the root of all evil, blah blah blah - at the time I was still Catholic, but I’d still find this offensive now) and six months later sending us an invitation to a Big Catholic Wedding.
I went to a religious gift store and bought them a very nice wedding cross.
I’d spend the least amount of money you can to have something engraved with their wedding date - a cheap letter opener or something. Completely non-returnable. Or you could follow the advice in the shower thread and give them a book of ettiquette with the appropriate pages marked.
Would you mind posting the exact wording they used in this request, just to satisfy my curiousity? As for what to give, I think the best suggestion is featherlou’s; simply a nice card with your best wishes.
