We got a wedding invitation to cousins in Toronto. A fairly nice card &
rsvp package. And then a slip of paper was enclosed.
“Monetary Gift Preferred”
Is nothing sacred? Or is this a Canadian thing?
No, nothing is sacred anymore.
I just would tell them to slag off and wouldn’t get them a gift, but I’m mean like that.
I’d give them one penny and go 'gosh, you wanted money instead. I WAS going to get nice bed linens/some of your flatware/woven napkins/serving dishes, but since I was TOLD what to give, well, there you go. Congrats and all that."
Every wedding I’ve been to in Toronto has that or “no boxed gifts please”.
I tend to make my gifts, so I’d go empty handed if I received an order form like that.
“No boxed gifts”? What does that mean? That they want cash? How rude.
I’m waiting until someone really lays it on the line and says “Since the reception will cost X amount per guest, we would prefer gifts of equal or greater value.”
There are a great many people who honestly think that wedding gifts are supposed to offset the cost of the reception. They’re not; they’re two separate things. Gifts are supposed to help the newlyweds get set up in their new home, while the reception is a party that you give to the guests. You don’t charge admission to a party. Still, try to convince some people of that. The world is full of Bridezillas who will shriek, “A can opener?! How much did that cost? That doesn’t even cover their dinner!”
What the hell are people thinking? I’d be tempted to send them a note saying, “I hope I caught you before you mailed all the invitations! Miss Manners says (on page 14) that requesting gifts is gauche. Just trying to save you a little embarrassment.”
I’ve heard of Bridezillas who will total up the supposed cost of all their gifts and compare it to the cost of the reception and try to figure out if they ‘broke even.’ :rolleyes:
I don’t see why requesting money is any different than a bridal registry?
What if the couple are planning to make a long distance move shortly after the wedding? I can see where giving gifts could be a burden on the couple. They could, both, be about to graduate in a few months and need to move to wherever their new job takes them. If they’re loaded down w/ gifts they will just have the problem of moving the stuff. What about duplicate, or unwanted, gifts and the hassle of exchanging them. I think cash can be a very practical option. If your intent is to help the couple get started on their new life together, then why not cash if that is what they really need.
Cash gifts can be gauche, but it can be a very practical solution.
Well, just cause it’s what they “prefer” doesn’t mean that’s what they might get. I mean I would “prefer” somebody hand over a couple million bucks and allow me to retire in the luxury I so richly deserve, but that ain’t gonna happen, so to work I go hi ho hi ho.
HubZilla, was there any mention of a gift registry also? I know some people think that’s tacky (and I suppose it is since it implies that the invitee needs to go out and get the happle couple some swag) but it’s much appreciated by the clueless such as me for gift giving occasions. Hmm… where was I… Oh yeah… if there is a mention of a gift registry, I’d go to the cheap end just cause I’m evil.
For those of you who find the cash request offensive, there’s a simple solution. Decline the invitation. If you’re not friendly w/ the couple and wish them well, why attend?
Agreed.
Here’s the thing, maybe they don’t have a big enough place for gifts. Maybe they don’t have any gifts they really need more than, say, money to save up for a college fund for kids or a down payment on a house.
Maybe they realize it’s easier for a lot of guests to just give money, rather than worrying about shopping on a registry or trying to figure out what the couple need.
Chill out. If you don’t want to give money, don’t. There’s no law saying you have to give a gift at all. But really, what’s the harm? If you like your cousin, just shrug and send a card with a cheque or a few twenties.
Because it’s tacky in the extreme to ask for gifts in the invite at all! You’re supposed to call the family and find out about registry/money//what they want. It’s not that I really have a problem with giving cash if I call and the family says, “Oh they really need cash to move to Cali” or whatever, but there shouldn’t be a mention of it in the invite.
Nothing is sacred.
As its RSVP, why not send regrets along with a White Castle gift certificate?
Well, in the first place, no mention whatsoever of gifts is appropriate for an invitation, whether it’s a registry or open money-grubbing a la the OP. It is simply Not Done, although sadly, it’s increasingly “done” anyway. Tacky, tacky, tacky.
Secondly, a registry can be set up as a convenience for guests who have decided, all on their own, to give a gift to the couple. It’s specifically done for people who wish the couple well but either don’t know their tastes or don’t know what they need. Registry information, as Anaamika pointed out, should be given out by close family and attendants, at the request of the guest.
If I know the couple well enough to be invited to their wedding, I might already know their situation, or be comfortable in calling a third party and asking about it. A bridal registry is a list of suggestions in case you are planning on a gift, don’t have another idea in mind (like lissener, I would probably make something), and want to get them something you know they will like. It’s usually more subtle than asking for cash.
Sacred? Oh please, I think what is silly is the idea that people mention their wedding registry on their invitaion is tacky. It’s realistic and useful. Yes it’s tacky if you write on the invitation “Gifts should be bought off the K-mart and Tigffany’s Registry”, but a simple line at the bottom of the invitation distinct from the rest of the invitation, “The couple is registered at…” is not tacky. I’m sorry, I don’t buy it. I have read the so-called etiquette experts and they ar full of it.
How about guests who are tacky, calling the bride the day of the wedding for directions, guests not RSVPing, RSVP that they will come and they don’t without explanation, guests who bring a friend without telling anyone.
You now why I am annoyed by this idea, because my wife was going crazy trying to make sure every little detail was so right and that the guests have nothing to complain about. She worried herself sick about these details and to me the idea that some people that have been invited to your wedding, because you want them to share your special day, are going to be offended because you have the gall to try and let them know where they can buy gifts for you if they so desire is maddening.
Sorry for the diatribe. Rant off.
BRAVO!
I’d send them a set of commemorative coins from this year. Or $100 in pennies. Maybe one of those pens with a chopped-up $100 bill in it.