I agree with all of the things you said as being tacky, GO. But tackiness begets tackiness I feel. Just because guests are assholes does not give us permission to run rampant over the rules of etiquette.
However, you are under no obligation to obey rules of etiquette. But it definitely is a turn-off for many people and in many cases will us etiquette-mavens won’t come to your wedding. It sounds like gift-whoring to me.
No registry. Just that note.
A buddy had a great idea:
“For that, they get nothing. I love hearing about wedding couples who
think their wedding is an event that should generate revenue rather than
have friends join them as they unite. If I received that card, I’d tell
them I donated $50 in their name to the Toronto homeless shelter as
their wedding present.”
That’s too funny. I can match that. When my sister’s husband died, his lowlife family put this in the obituary: In lieu of flowers please send money to the XXXXX family at the following address.
Not to his widow mind you (my sister) but to his parents.
Count me in with the crowd saying this is extremely tacky. But it seems so common now that people don’t even consider what a “gift” is anymore. It’s a gift, for Pete’s sake – me giving you something because I want to, not because I have to. Now people look at it all as a business transaction – “You ARE going to give me a gift and you SHOULD give me what I say you should give me, so here’s what I want. Hand it over.”
If an invitation like that comes to our house, they’ll probably get no gift at all. I can’t stand people who treat gifts as something they’re entitled to and can criticize freely.
Whatever happened to simply being discreet? If you really prefer cash that much, let your family know and they can tell people who inquire about what the lovely couple needs. "Well, I’m sure they’d appreciate any gift, but since you’re asking, they really don’t need household gifts because they’re trying to pay for the honeymoon. Hint, hint, hint…" Even that might be borderline tacky, but far better nonetheless.
What we’ve forgotten, as both Diddledog and HubZilla imply, is that weddings aren’t about gifts. They’re to bring your family and friends together for an event of joy. Gifts are added extras.
I agree they are not about gifts; they are about the wife! 
At my wedding, it was having close friends and family to celebrate the occasion. We were so thrilled they came, that we didn’t care if they brought gifts. It was a destination wedding on Martha’s Vineyard, so we figured them being there was our gift.
But, increasingly, people see the gifts as offsetting the cost of the wedding. I went to one where they left the reception early to count the money to pay the hotel.
Here in Hawaii, first birthday parties are HUGE deals; known as “baby luaus”. They really go all-out, renting hotel conference rooms, buffet spreads, DJs, clowns, magicians, all for a one-year-old who won’t remember anything. They COUNT on the gifts to offset the cost of the party.
Admittedly, we also had a grand affair for our daughter. But our thinking was “hey, if anyone deserves a big soirée, it’s Anya”. We planned well, it was paid for well before the date, and Anya kept all her gifts (monetary and otherwise).
A couple I know I got married about 9 years ago. They were just happy to have their friends there, so they put “No gifts please” on the invites. How tacky would you consider that?
For the record, it was a low-key affair, not expensive. The invitations were not the fancy-schmancy type with the scrap of kleenex inside.
I would say that probably the MOST proper thing is to not mention gifts on the invitation at all. However, IMO, this is WAY down on the tackiness scale, compared to assuming that a gift must be forthcoming, and dictating what kind it should be.
I don’t consider this to be tacky. If I were to marry now, I would strongly not want gifts. Most of the stuff people would give me would go to good will. I have all that I need and so I would want them to save their money and just enjoy the party.
I agree with you. I don’t think it is tacky to request friend’s presence instead of presents. I also agree it is in bad taste to ask for cash. I am embarrassed for any couple that would do such a thing. I also think “dollar dances” are like whoring out the bride.
I’m with Sarahfeena on this.
NOT a Canadian thing - it might be happening in Canada, but it is certainly not a Canadian tradition, and people who engage in it are, in my born and raised Canadian opinion, quite tacky.
The polite thing to do when someone makes an etiquette gaffe like that is to simply ignore it (i.e. buy them whatever the hell you like, or nothing, if that’s the mood they’ve put you in.). 
Tradition down here in South Louisiana is to whore out both the bride and groom.
Making mention of any kind about gifts on any invitation is tres tacky.
Well the “no boxed gifts” means no presents only cash. For most of the weddings, actually all of the weddings I have been to there is a wedding shower where the bride and groom are registered and you buy gifts from their list there for that. And the bridal wedding shower doesn’t have to be a big gift, it can be one or two towels or whatever is on their list. And then when you go to the wedding there is usually a money holder when you walk into the reception where you deposit your money card which is usually about $100-$200 per couple. I think it is to cover the cost of the plate and a little more. I’ve been to Italian, Sikh, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, Canadian, Chinese-Jamaican, Chinese - White, Indian, Pakistani and Portuguese weddings and they all have been the same format. FWIW, my husband is American and has never heard of such a protocol because he says in America it is done differently where you only give gifts for the actual wedding from the bridal registry. Mostly on the invitations there is no mention of gifts or where ppl are registered because it already implied that you would bring cash in a card. YYMV
Dollar dances, IIRC, are an old European custom-they’re pretty much a staple in my mother’s polack/bohunk/hunky family. I wouldn’t do it, but it’s not seen as a big deal.
While asking to donate money to his family is very tacky indeed, asking for a donation to a charity instead of flowers is rather common in obituaries. Flower arrangements are costly and often end up abandoned by the funeral goers afterwards-my dad’s brought plenty of discarded ones home over the years! So some people say in the obit, “In lieu of flowers, we ask for donations to such and such charity/foundation” etc. Usually it’s something that was important to the deceased-for my grandmother, even though we didn’t say no flowers, my father did put for any donations to be sent to the food bank where my grandmother volunteered for years. Donations are very common for funerals.
BUT…yes, asking for money for the family is pretty rude.
I will concede that mentioning gifts in the announcement is inappropriate, but I see nothing wrong w/ the family putting the word out that the couple needs cash, for whatever reason. As far as showing up for a first wedding w/o a gift, no that’s what I’d call tacky, unless your specifically asked not to bring one. Subsequent weddings? It would depend on the circumstances.
Cash “trees” and dollar (?) dances? I think it probably depends upon local/cultural custom.
I like the dollar dance. In a busy, busy day for the bride & groom, it’s the only real chance I have some moments alone to talk to them.
But yeah, I think I’m going with the “I donated money in your name to the Toronto food bank (or some such).”
When I told my mom about this, she told me about a doozy she got a while back: “Thank you in advance for your gift”
Any mention of gifts in an invitation is tacky. I don’t care how common it is, it is tacky. If you want to know what the couple needs, ask them or another family member.
I know! People are always up in arms about the registry cash gifts blahblahblah but the biggest fox paws I saw at my sister’s wedding was people who called us the morning of her wedding to tell us that they wouldn’t be attending. Note, the hotel my sister’s wedding was being held at only gave back the money for non-attending guests up to Friday before the event, which is when my parents had to turn in the final headcount (her wedding was on the Sunday before 4th of July this year). We had 5 guests not bother to let us know at all, and then 3 guests who called 1 frocking day after the deadline from the hotel and 2 on the day OF the wedding. It was a $130 per head so my parents lost quite a bit of money.
IMHO it is inappropriate to say “no gifts” on the invitation, because that creates the impression that gifts would otherwise be expected. You are supposed to be inviting these people because they are your friends and you want them to share in your special day. There is nothing wrong with telling people who ask where you are registered that you really don’t want gifts, just their presence, but accepting gifts you don’t want or need gracefully is also a part of etiquette.