“No boxed gifts” also has a nasty habit of translating to “Whatever you all give us, we’re going to return it to the stores and try to get cash for it.” See www.etiquettehell.com for more horror stories.
I’ve seen this on wedding invitations we receive from India from family and friends and my impression of it is that no one would THINK to go to someone’s wedding without bringing a gift, much in the same way you can’t escape an Indian home without having a 10 course meal stuffed down your craw. So people stick that on there so as not to exact gifts out of people of lesser means because otherwise, they will give them something. I know that both my parents came from very poor backgrounds and I’ve seen it on their wedding invitation and they told me it was put on specifically so that their relatives wouldn’t buy them anything they couldn’t afford. Even then, everyone bought something…maybe just a silver glass or a tiny cup engraved with their names and the date or something (which, hysterically enough, are worth quite a bit here though very cheap over there). YMMV across cultures and countries but it seems that the general intent behind “No Gifts Please” is likely less consumerist than sticking the registry in the card and yet people STILL manage to complain about it.
Which is something I noticed when my sister got married. No matter how accomodating people are, someone still finds something to complain about because weddings just bring out the nitpicky-bitchy in most people (leaving aside the complaint in the OP which is tacksville). If you had a big wedding, you’re a capitalist pig. If you had a small wedding, you’re cheap. Blahblahblah. It makes me want to not go through it myself except I know my parents’ head would explode if I ever suggested that.
HEADS, they aren’t some hydra-creature.
To further muddy these waters, it is traditionally considered proper etiquette to send the gift to the couple before the wedding, rather than show up at the ceremony/reception with gift in hand. I’m not too sure about this one; I’m not usually organized enough to get a gift mailed before the wedding, and there are a lot of wedding gifts that I wouldn’t trust to the postal system. It has pretty much become the custom in Western Canada to bring the gift to the reception.
It has in the east too. Mind, it’s kind of understandable–I recall my Mother buying wedding gifts for others when I was a child, but she never sent them via the mail system. The store would either deliver using their own delivery trucks (you’d see Eaton’s and Simpson’s delivery vans then as frequently as you see UPS trucks today), or use a courier service. Nowadays, Eaton’s and Simpson’s are dead, and nobody seems to deliver anything except for large pieces of furniture or appliances.
Anyway, I remember going with my Mom once to get a wedding gift for somebody. We were at Eaton’s or Simpson’s or somesuch. Mom picked it out, paid for it, and gave the clerk the address to deliver it to. IIRC, the clerk gave Mom a small card (the kind that would say, “Best Wishes from Spoonsmom and Spoonsdad”) to write out at the counter, which she did. And that was that. The gift was delivered in a couple of days, by the store, to the bride’s home.
As noted, not a Canadian thing, and certainly not a Toronto thing. Mostly.
Toronto has a very large immigrant population (pushing two million in the region, at last count), and many groups consider the wedding the “start” for the couple, and guests are expected, and apparently [mostly] expect, to contribute. Mediterranean cultures, in particular, seem to favour huge weddings with lots of cash gifts. I know of at least two Portuguese couples, for instance, who bought small houses with the proceeds of their wedding, despite the truly mind-numbing wedding bills.
I think that you’d find that if you polled people reading any of the English language newspapers here that most would be aghast at the idea of the slip of paper you received. In the Italian, Portuguese or Greek papers, I think you’d see an entirely different perspective.
Now that I think about it, I had another baby birthday party invitation that said:
“Clothes and toys, we have that stash,
Baby’s growing fast, please give cash” 
Aw, that’s so cute*. I have to hope that friends of mine wouldn’t do that, because I’d miss them (but much less after something like that).
Hey, all you poetry-writing Dopers, can you come up with a great response to this? I tried, but I couldn’t find anything to rhyme with “gauche.”
*And by cute, I mean horrible.
One of my wife’s relatives, a cousin or some such, got married approximately 4 months after we did. I’d been living with my partner for just about 2 years before we got married. Everyone had met me.
The other family sent an invitation to my in-laws, and added my wife on the bottom like she was a 14 year old still living at home, and left basically no doubt that I was not invited. To add insult to that, it was strongly hinted (but not outright stated) that gifts over $110 per person were “expected”.
Needless to say, my wife did not attend, and my in-laws SAID they only spent about $100 on the present. But knowing my mother in law it was a lot more than that…
Some of you guys get offended easily. Y’all think of writing back snappy comebacks or re-evaluating your friendships because someone who cares enough to invite you to their wedding is straightforward with you and just goes ahead and tells you the truth of what they prefer as a wedding gift?
Oh nooo that is sooo tacky. No sense in talking directly to your friends and family. You have to whisper hints like some kind of blushing lil’ flower. You have to tell your Maid of Honor so that they can tell your aunt so that they can tell your cousin because that is how it is done, and that is the way that it has always been done by people whom you don’t know who lived before you did. Bridal registries are tacky too, if you are going to give a gift, it should be something that they already have or something that doesn’t match. How incredibly rude for someone to indicate a preferance in a non-socially acceptable way. What is it that you want- total chaos? 
Ok, enough of the sarcasm. I just think that a lot of wedding ettiquitte is a little silly and outdated. If a buddy of mine invites me to his wedding and he tells me that they are saving up money for the honeymoon or a downpayment on a house, I am not going to kick him in the groin, lose my breath, crap my pants, and then pass out because of the shock of his gall and rudeness. I would say “Hey, cool.” What difference does it make that I buy them a $50 toaster that he may not need, buy a $50 set of towels that they picked out and are registered for, or just give them a $50 check? Damn, I just happy that they are getting married, I don’t give a #%@& about the freakin’ present and I don’t give a #%&* about how the information got to me. In fact, I may prefer getting the happy couple a check, it would keep me from having to stress over going to Pottery Barn, Restoration Hardware, or Williams freakin’ Sonoma (the most unholy trinity). Let’s just wish the couple happiness, eat some good food and get drunk. 
Well said! 
I don’t understand why it’s tacky to write in the invitation that you’d prefer cash over gifts, but perfectly acceptable to tell anybody who asks. IMHO if it really matters to you what your guests give you then the only way to be sure they know is to put it in the invitation, especially if you’re having a large wedding where you’re inviting people who barely know you, let alone your family. OTOH, I feel the only excuse for requesting cash is to mollify those guests who would feel rude not to get you something, and (more importantly) you do not have the space to put their gift. If you do then keep quiet and stick that food deyhdrator in the back of the closet.
It’s tacky because it basically implies they’re only inviting you because they want something from you-a gift, cash, etc. Not because they care about you and genuinely want you to be there.
Actually, I think it is tacky for the person who is the potential recipient of the gift to specify anything, even if asked. The proper response is really, “oh, you don’t have to get us anything, we would just love to have you at our wedding.” The person getting married should really feign surprise that there is any thought of getting a gift at all, since, as others said earlier, the wedding is about the celebration, not about the gifts (or, at least it should be). In fact, IMO, it’s a little tacky for a guest to ask the bride or groom directly what they want…it puts them in the awkward position of doing the above, or having to acknowledge that they are expecting to received some sort of gift, and specify what it should be. The thing to do is to ask through the grapevine what the couple wants, or where they are registered. It is always improper for the recipient to imply in any way that they expect gifts for anything (this is why you are not supposed to throw your own showers, and technically, even a close relative such as a parent or sibling should not do it, since the only purpose of having a shower is basically to ask for gifts. OK for a friend to ask on your behalf, but not for you to do it yourself).
Okay, I understand. If I am getting married I have to annoy the hell out of my parents and close friends with phone calls from people who don’t really know them asking about gifts. I am considered tacky unless I accept things I already have or don’t need when through one line of text I could get gifts I won’t auction off on eBay. I should pretend that I don’t expect gifts and people should spend hundreds of dollars on these gifts that I pretend I do not expect in the first place. That makes no sense at all.
What about setting up one of those wedding websites with a registry or request for cash? Would that be a better option?
I understand that some things are gauche and tacky but by the time I get married I will have already amassed an entire household full of dishware and furniture and whatnot. People who don’t get married right out of school will have already purchased most of the things they need and want for their homes. I won’t need physical gifts, but I may be saving for a down payment for a house or something similar. I am sure that everyone has gotten gifts that they never use-clothes that don’t fit, decor that doesn’t match their home, that Cher wig from their senile aunt. These people spent hard earned money to give you something that you instantly hated and stuffed in a closet and never used. That is a waste of their money. It would have been better if they could have given you cash or known what you wanted before they went looking for gifts that they will give you anyway, whether or not you ask for them.
This is what I hate about wedding etiquette. Everybody knows that you’re expected to give a gift to the couple, but we have to pussyfoot around and pretend that we don’t. It’s much more efficient and less hassle for everyone to put the registry information in the invite rather than making them ask around for it, but it’s tacky to put it in the invite.
I’m so glad my wedding is over with.
Yes, you should. It’s part of being civilized.
Ridiculous.
When you live in a society, you should be aware that every society has its rules, written and unwritten, that allow a whole bunch of humans to live closely without offing each other regularly (well, more regularly). A lot of etiquette and manners is somewhat silly and pointless, but etiquette and manners are the grease in the wheels of civilization that allow us to live together.
In my opinion.
I’m just glad that this particular little twist of formal etiquette seems to apply only to weddings, at least for the people I’m normally around. It drove me nuts.