So, my lifelong best friend is getting married. She’s 48. She’s never been married before (neither has he). They have lived together for seven years in a house she owns.
She has always been a disaster area with money. She’s had various debts over the years, and is always complaining that she can’t afford this and that. Her salary is comparable (or better) than many of our group of friends; yet she frequently complains that she can’t afford the kind of holidays we manage to have. We can never figure out what she spends her money on.
I’m head bridesmaid, and tried to give her some gentle advice about handling the thorny issue of wedding presents. I encouraged her to just ask people to ask me as part of my duties.
However, I got my invitation today. As well as the invite, there is an A4 sheet of information, and the last paragraph is headed “Wedding gifts”. It says:
“We have been asked if we have a wedding list. We are lucky enough to have most things we need for our home, and in fact are de-cluttering as part of our ongoing decoration project! the most important thing to us is that you can come to share our day, so there’s no obligation to give us anything. However, if you want to make a contribution we have set up the following site to help us raise enough for our planned honeymoon next year: Honeyfund - Give a Gift. Alternatively gift vouchers for a DIY store such as B&Q would also be most appreciated.”
There was also a slip of paper in with the invitation (which was the first thing that fell out when I opened it) with the Honeyfund website and logo on it.
When you go onto the site, it says the kind of holiday they want (California, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, Yosemite). You can choose from various options, such as a contribution towards air fare (£50 or £25), dinner with champagne, money towards a hire car (“help us upgrade to a convertible!”) , an overnight stay in specific luxury hotels and so on. It also mentions that they are not planning doing this for a year after the wedding.
I am appalled. It’s not a fucking honeymoon, it’s a holiday. It’s “ooh, we’ve been together for years, we don’t need a toaster, pay for our holiday”.
People are travelling from all over for this wedding. Most have to pay for transport, a hotel stay, as well as a new outfit etc, and drinks at hotel prices (free bar is not the norm in the UK). I’ve already shelled out for my Bridesmaid dress, and a fair bit on the hen night. And they’ve put in a “give us some money” in the invitations?
Am I overreacting?
I searched the Dope and the last thread I could find on this subject was from 2008. The feeling then was not exactly positive - I’m curious if this is now considered normal.