The main arguement for NOT bringing gifts to the reception is that they are physically awkward to deal with; After such a long stressful day who wants to have to make 5 trips from the car to the house lugging in gifts before starting in with the consumating? Or, if the couple is going to a hotel they have to make arrangements for someone else to take care of the presents. It is just alot of B.S. that can be avioded by mailing the gift sometime around the time of the wedding.
I find nice liquor to be a good gift that is easy to personalize and quick to shop for (the liquor store has better parking than the mall!). Fancy liquors (Godiva chocolate, Midori, Frangelico) are often good for women, while nice liquors often work for men (Brandy, scotch). I assume you know what your buddy drinks; if you dont know what she drinks ask the maid of honor. If there is anything they both like, that would be best, but you can always get two bottles if they have different tastes. Nice liqour has the advantage of lsting longer than champagne.
In fact, if there is still time you could get together with the other groomsmen and “stock the bar” for them–buy one bottle each of vodka, gin, rum, and tequilia, some fancy flavored stuff, a few glasses, and one of those fancy bar kits–corkscrew, bottle opener, shaker. THrow in a book on drink recipes, and youve got a neat surprise. Really, this is the sort of thing you can spend as little or as much as you want at.
Use the registry!
Really. That way, you know for sure you got something they want/need. Plus, the store will ship it for you and then you won’t have to bring it to the wedding.
If you really can’t bring yourself to use the registry, then I like the idea of champagne & flutes. You can even have the flutes engraved with the date or their monogram at a nominal cost.
As far as bringing gifts to the wedding, it really is a big pain in the ass. We weren’t worried about someone stealing anything, but the fact was that there were SO many it took a whole bunch of people to carry them out to a bunch of different cars and the reception was in a huge hotel so it was not a short walk out to the front. Our designated “gift manager” even got two bellhops to carry a bunch out on those luggage carts and it was still a pain. And then they had to be unloaded at the house which was worse because they didn’t have the bellhops.
I would have gladly paid the postage for all those gifts to be shipped than to have made my family haul them around!
This actually brings up a question: what is the purpose of a gift?
Is a gift meant to be an expression about the giver as well as benefiting the recipient? Or is it meant to be only about the recipient?
I can see the answer going either way, depending on the occasion, the relationship between the parties, and the occasion. A holiday present to a child is different than a birthday present to a spouse. Or a wedding gift to a friend and their new spouse.
Decide what you are comfortable with, and how much effort you are willing to put into the process. It sounds as though you see doing the registry as a difficult process with little payoff for your friend:
The registry is actually not very difficult, stores go out of their way to make it easy for you, because they want to sell those things. But if it isn’t worth it to you, don’t do it. There’s no right answer here. Perhaps you can ask your friend what he really wants, or ask the best man.
My husband was in a wedding last year. Although the bride and groom had been living together for a year or so, we knew that they did not have a lot of tools. (We knew because all dinner invitations had the suffix, “oh, and could you bring your toolbox?”)
So we decided to make them a fully-stocked toolbox.
We filled a huge toolbox with every (non-power) tool and accessory that the average person is likely to need.
Among the things that were in it:
Hammer
screwdriver set
plier set
small saw
vise-grip set
wrenches (box and adjustable)
level
small crowbar
awl
Measuring tape
His’n’hers work gloves
Duct Tape
Electrical tape
Twine
Magic Markers
scissors
Flashlight
a carpenter pencil
picture-hanging “kit”
And tons of other stuff that I can’t think of at the moment…
The bride and groom absolutely loved it. They are definitely NOT do-it-yourself types, but this is all stuff that they needed to have and have used.
The key was in the details, I think. They had so much fun looking through the toolbox and seeing all the stuff we thought they should have…I mean we didn’t really have to get them twine for their wedding, but they thought it was just great.
The only downside was that it ended up costing several hundred dollars for everything. We bought top-quality stuff. I guess you could do a less extensive kit if you couldn’t spend that much.
And please don’t bring the gift to the reception. There is no good reason TO bring it to the reception, and many good reasons not to (as stated by others above). As Manda JO said, “The main argument for NOT bringing gifts to the reception is that they are physically awkward to deal with.” Why add another hassle? Just mail it or drop it off at their house.
Since I eloped, I can’t offer an experience, but had I gone the traditional route, I doubt that I’d have registered - it’s too “Gimmegimmegimme” to me. Why am I ENTITLED to a gift just because I get married? (or have a birthday or live to see another Valentine’s day?)
For our 6th anniversary, we had a church ceremony to reaffirm our vows, with family and friends invited. I was surprised and somewhat embarrassed by the gifts - honestly, it was just an excuse to have a party!
That said, if you don’t know someone well enough to know what they’d like, why are you giving them a gift? Or maybe it’s just me. <shrug>
But I think gourmet goodies are always nice - especially for someone who’d not splurge on such a treat.
Bag the toolkit idea. People get attached to certain inanimate objects, and tools are one of the things where guys form attachments. Besides, most guys already have tools of the type you’d likely buy.
I tend to stay away from the registry. Unless it’s a really huge wedding or a well-to-do relative is going to bolster the pile of gifts the new couple will wind up with 3 spoons, a salad fork, and 1.7 china place settings.
Plugin, rechargable accessories are good. How about a flashlight and charger combo that functions as a nightlight when the power goes out? Dustbuster?
The picnic basket idea was quite good.
Several bottles of nice wine would go over well. (Though the message of I just got married so I’m gonna start drinking may confuse the issue…)
Omni, bringing gifts to the reception is an enormous pain for the bride and groom.
First, even if you are sure your friends and family don’t include any kleptomaniacs, they are not the only people there. There are waiters, the photographer’s assistant, a lot of people who make very little money and may well be tempted by a table full of loot. Such thefts are difficult to discover until long after the fact (usually when the giver complains to the bride and groom’s parents that he hasn’t received a thank-you note yet). If you want to make sure that your friend actually gets the gift you are giving them, don’t bring it to the reception. The fact that other people will anyway doesn’t make it right for you to join in.
Second, as has been pointed out, the bride and groom then have to deal with transporting all that stuff. I had a my wedding in the area I grew up in, which was 3000 miles away from my current home. My parents brought home the very large number of gifts that had been brought to the reception, and after our honeymoon, we stopped at their house long enough to open them all and write down what everyone had given us. I used the latter information to write thank-you notes right away, but it was more than six months before my mother got organized to mail us any of the stuff, and almost a year before we got all of it. (We got a lot of crystal that took careful packing before shipping). Especially with fragile items, the store where you’re buying it is going to have appropriate packing material to ship it; the bride and groom have to go out and deal with that stuff themselves. Is it really so much extra work to say, “I’d like this sent to <address>,” especially for friends so close that you’re standing up in their wedding?
On the original topic of what to get, tools are good if you know your friend needs them. The argument that they won’t get duplicates if you get something from the registry isn’t really accurate, because the registry very often doesn’t get updated properly. I also like the picnic basket idea. The basket with wine, a blanket to sit on, and a couple of champagne flutes sounds lovely.
This is probably too cutesy for you, but we also got a nice crystal bowl filled with Hershey’s Kisses and Hugs.
Let me first make it clear that I know what they’d like…the fact is I can think of too many things they’d like, ergo the purpose of this thread. I need to narrow that down into a more specific type of gift which is appropriate for a wedding.
The registry is a hassle for me because the malls are difficult to get to and not open when I’m off work. Its the most work on my end for little sentimental reward.
Now, if its such a big deal to bring a gift to the recpetion when’s a better time to give it? Beforehand isn’t going to be easy, although I might at the rehersal dinner. After just seems like I was irresponsible.
Omni, this is one of the few occasions when a “late” gift is completely no big deal. As has been pointed out, you have up to a year to send them a gift according to the etiquette books, and I haven’t noticed too many people turning down late gifts, either. I know it feels weird, especially since people do stress about getting birthday and Christmas gifts late, but it’s perfectly OK.
If the wedding is too soon for it to be practical for you to bring it to them, then bring/send it after they get back from their honeymoon. If you bring it to the rehearsal dinner, keep track of it yourself, and keep it as inconspicuous as possible. Ideally, put it in the trunk of your car and transfer it to the bridegroom’s before or after the dinner. (You don’t want to embarrass anyone else who suddenly thinks they should have brought something).
Most stores are DYING to get your business. Call 'em on the phone. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone was willing to go over the list with you, help you choose a gift, and have it shipped. You can pay with credit card on the phone. You never have to leave your desk!
The “one year” rule is a myth. But, at this point it is acceptable to give wedding gifts shortly after the actual wedding. So giving it afterward is not irresponsible.
If you are worried about seeming irresponsible, then mention it to the bride and groom. “I have something to give you, but I didn’t want to make you bother with it at the reception. Can I drop it by/ship it when you get back from the honeymoon?”
And if you really want to give it to them beforehand, the rehearsal dinner is a much better bet than the actual reception.