How do you prioritize gift giving in your family? I seem to be having a problem with this because I have a boyfriend now and I have to buy Christmas presents, birthday presents, Valentine’s gifts, etc. for both of my families. I’m a student with a part time job and I need every penny I make. How do I buy low cost gifts or do you have suggestions on homemade gifts? Dollar store gifts? Any suggestions?
This sounds harsh, but I’ve found that when money’s tight it works best to just cut out holidays for some people. At Christmas I acknowledge everyone close to me with fairly nice gifts, but only my parents and boyfriend get birthday presents–my siblings, extended family, and close friends do not. (If we’re in the same area I’ll chip in to take them out, but that’s different.) Adding Valentine’s Day and the anniversary for the boyfriend gets expensive, but those aren’t negotiable in my book.
It’s nice to give people things, but you shouldn’t feel obligated. They know you care for them, and they know your financial situation. I find that a funny card with a heartfelt note inside works as well as or even better than a nice present, anyway.
Valentine’s gifts for your whole family? That is very generous and unusual.
Can you just tell everyone that from now on you have decided not to give anyone gifts anymore and that you don’t expect any either?
My family talked about it a long time ago – I think the oldest of the kids were teenagers at the time and still living at home. Each Thanksgiving, we draw names for Christmas gifts, so that each of us gives a gift only to one person in the family. Some years we have put a dollar limit on the amount ($20 or $50 as I recall); other years, we’ve scrapped the idea entirely in favor of adopting another family. And now that the family has grown significantly (through marriage), it’s the only way to get through the holidays.
The thing to remember is that you, the gifter, will feel bad (but the giftee really won’t) if you don’t give something. So suck it up, let people know ahead of time that money is tight, and send cards (which are still mighty expensive, so consider making cards instead).
You can try making gifts for the people who will appreciate it, and just send cards to the rest.
Are YOU buying your own gifts for your boyfriends’s family or are you doing the shopping for his gifts, or for the gifts the two of you give as a couple? If the latter two options, stop now. Don’t set up this pattern. He knows his family better than you do, he had a perfectly functional relationship with them before you came along, let him continue to buy gifts for them or not as he considers appropriate, and don’t worry if it is different from how you would do it. Let him be the liason between his family and the family you two are together, don’t volunteer for the job. He’s more qualified.
As far as my family goes, we really don’t do gifts to mark occasions. Never got a wedding present, graduation gift, and haven’t gotten a birthday present since I hit puberty. On the other hand, I spent sixyears in college full time and graduated with no debt, thanks to my folks, always had the use of a car, had everything I needed throughout my childhood and most of the things I wanted. My parents/family is very, very generous. We just don’t do formal gift giving. This has its roots in my mother’s strong Catholicism/ anti-materialism. Christmas gifts, especially, really make her uncomfortable, because she would see first her siblings and later her children put too much emotional energy in both the anticipation of gifts, and in the selection of gifts for others. She felt that both these pursuits detracted from what one ought to be doing on the holiday, which was mediating on the miricle of the incarnation and, most importantly, reflecting on your own life and how you could be a better person all year long.
There are any number of ways you can provide a gift without spending a lot of money. The primary way is to make the gift yourself, making an investment of time rather than cash. What you do depends on your own talents.
Here are some examples:
If your computer can do this, make music CDs of assortments of music that family members are known to enjoy. Legally-acquired music, of course.
Buy the raw materials for matting and framing photographs you have taken yourself.
Buy the raw materials for artificial flower arrangements and make attractive home decor items.
Homemade baked goods and other foodstuffs. Homemade jams, jellies, preserves and the like.
Knitted, crocheted or handswewn items. The raw material costs for cloth, thread and yarn are very minimal. The time can be significant, but if you’re concerned about Christmas gifts, well, you’ve got a few months to work with.
BTW, if this relationship is less than a year old, as it sounds, I personally don’t see why you should feel obligated to give gifts for minor occasions like Valentine’s Day and for his entire family. Certainly both families must be aware that you’re on a limited budget and should appreciate time, effort and thought more than cost.
Don’t give dollar store gifts for the sake of giving gifts. Quite frankly, I’d always rather receive a card or letter or something thoughtful than a gift for it’s own sake.
Finances are a big issue for us. My parents give me something small for Xmas, and I usually give them photographs I’ve taken. I have made CDs in the past as well. No present exchanging with any other adults in the family (my husband’s parents are his responsibility and if he chooses to do nothing, so be it). Hubby and I haven’t been in a position to give each other presents on several occasions as well. As long as everyone is clear in the beginning, it’s all good.
The only person pretty much guaranteed to get a gift from me at Christmas and his birthday is my five year old nephew.
My husband and I follow the same logic that Cyros described. Of course, it works out kind of lopsided, since his 90-year-old mother is the only living member of his side of the family; leaving me with him, our children, my sister, brother-in-law, niece, nephew, great-niece, and great-great-niece to find gifts for. The third and fourth generation I could probably ignore except that I know they are all in dire financial straits and can use all the help they can get.
And my MIL already has everything she wants and needs; as my daughters and I have observed, they could wrap up a bottle of pee and she would love it because they made it themselves. 
One year my husband was tearing his hair out (what he has left) trying to decide what to get her. I suggested a framed photo of her granddaughters. He scoffed but finally that’s what he did, having been unable to think of anything else. She was thrilled beyond belief and gushed over this “treasure” for hours.
Small children also are often thrilled with stuff that’s silly but not expensive. We’ve all heard the stories about little kids who ignored the fancy present and spent weeks playing with the box it came in.
For your family, it might be nice to send some nice pictures of you.
For those who live neaby (ie, you don’t have to ship the gifts to them), you can bake. Cinnamon bread banana bread, plates of cookies, etc are generally appreciated.
If money is an issue, even low cost gifts are hard to do when there are so many. Do what my friends and I do- we no longer exchange gifts. Instead we donate time and money to charity, specifically doing an Adopt-A-Family each year and providing them with much appreciated gifts and food. It’s nice to give a gift when you can, but don’t let the “obligation” of it drive you crazy or make you broke. I doubt any of the recipients would be happy to think you went without groceries to buy them something.
Homemade candy/cookies. That’s usually what I do, and people love it. Christmas isn’t the best time since *everyone *makes baked goods at that time of year, but all other holidays are a great time for sending people food goodies. I have a lot of single guys in my group of friends and the love to get goodies for their birthdays. Or really at any time!