You could pin them down with an iron. Of course first make sure it’s unplugged.
I agree. How are you supposed to stop the kids pretending to be robbers from getting away if you don’t have a loaded gun to shoot out their bike tires with?
My mother hung me out on the clothesline each day in a jolly jumper. No doubt about it, an outdoor life on a clothesline was better than whacking my head on a doorframe indoors, and far superior to an indoor life in an oven, given that oven and stove fires were a normal occurance at our place.
When I was old enough to climb a step-stool, I liked to hide inside the washing machine and shout BOO! when my mother opened it to put in laundry.
It’s a wonder either of us survived. 
For Muffin I present the Baby Cage.
Good grief, that baby’s to be excused for filling his diaper.
Not if they’re in a big enough stock pot. As an added bonus, they’re much easier to bathe that way, AND you have an easy way to heat the bathwater.
Win/win/win.
I’m not suggesting that this is the truth, because I don’t know anything about this guy or the case, but when I was in high school (yay more anecdotal evidence!) my Health Education teach told me he’d only smoked marijuana once and it had been laced with PCP without his knowledge. I never asked for details, but maybe it was laced to get a kick out of a lightweight’s reaction? That sounds as crazy as… putting a baby in the oven? 
Cooking tip o the day.
Sugar glazzed babies in the oven smell just like hot fresh doughnuts. Baby fat and lard smell the same when cooking.
Bet Martha Stewart wouldnt tell you this.
I’d be into the baby cage if it were not for the gaps between the cage and the building. But not all is lost, for I’d love to go out on the town with the two women and their yodel meter.
I don’t know if Bootis was kidding, by my aunt, now aged 87, was a preemie, and they* wrapped her in blankets, put her in a shoebox, and put her in the oven.
She eventually got “done” and went on to become a college prof before retiring.
*They=doctor, great-grandmother. She was born at home.
Dumb people shouldn’t procreate.
This is just unbelievable. They said the kids are in foster care until a relative can be located. I hope there are some good apples in those family bunches, otherwise these kids are sooo screwed.