Yeah, have you just said “I don’t like being called by my last name, it’s just <firstname> please.”
It’s really not unusual, I don’t think I’ve personally seen it for women (except sometimes on TV, e.g. The Doctor calling Amy Pond “Pond” sometimes in Doctor Who), but some people just have cool, snappy last names that sound better. I doubt they mean to be doing you any harm.
My vote is for Megalord Optimus Destructicon III <Middle Name> <Last name>
Calling someone by their last name rather than their first is generally considered a mark of respect, as opposed to familiarity or friendliness. In a work situation, where you might not like the person you are dealing with or know them particularly well, but still need to work together cooperatively, it seems appropriate.
This. In a professional setting, people are usually called by their last names. First names are considered less formal. John Smith’s boss can call him John, but he’d better call her Ms/Miss/Mrs. Jones unless she tells him to call her Sally.
I’m shocked, SHOCKED. Well, not that shocked.
I’ve had people call me by my last name and I hate it.
For some reason men seem to like it and they say it sounds powerful, whatever that means.
Fortunately, most people can’t pronounce it so the ones who do call me by it are few and far between.
Generally though if people don’t call me what I choose to be called then I don’t answer because I figure they aren’t talking to me.
IMO …
In US civilian parlance, calling somebody by last name only is pretty disrespectful. “Ms. Smith, please handle this problem.” is a fine request from a boss or coworker. As is “Jen, please handle this problem.” Conversely, “Smith, please handle this problem” is demeaning & disrespectful.
An exception might reasonably be made if there are several people working in close proximity with the same first name. Some mix of using first names, nicknames, alternate forms (Kate/ Katy / Kathy / Katherine, etc) and as a last resort, last names might be sensible in that case. But a clueful boss would want to chose the forms that the individuals prefer.
All the above is in the abstract. In this specific case with these specific people if the OP is feeling “it irritates the crap out of me” then it’s well past time for the OP to tell everybody else that her last name is not an acceptable form of address, at least for her.
And if the OP has a supervisor who calls everyone by first name except her, that’s a huge red flag that needs to be addressed promptly. More for what the naming choice says about the bosses’ view of the OP than for the word choice itself.
OTOH, if the supervisor calls everybody by last name, they might be either a recent veteran or just clueless. If so, time to talk to the other co-workers about their reaction to the boss’s name choice. You may find everybody is irritated, not just you.
No, just the opposite. You are showing you are “one up” on them by doing this. Respect would be by title or title-lastname.
Right, and very right.
But if the boss is retired military, I think I’d just accept it, as long as he/she does the same with everyone.
There are a few exceptions but overall I am annoyed when anyone references me only by last name. Those few are old college friends. While I’m retired now when former coworkers and new acquaintenances referred me using my last name my usual response was “Please call me ‘FirstName’ or Mr. ‘SurName’.” It only took a few correction iterations to set them straight.
– Mr. ASGuy
The first thing you do is to tell them you prefer to be called ____________.
Unless his last name is Kreskin, he’s not going to just figure it out.
I was going to say that it strikes me as the sort of affectation one learns either in the military or preppy East Coast college fraternities and sororities. A lot of my male friends and coworkers call each other by our last names. It seems less common with women. And it’s always informal. I don’t recall bosses ever calling anyone by their last name in a formal business setting.
Having grown up with this practice, I do not find it the least bit offensive for the females around me. I would be clueless that you find offence at this practice. Please tell me!! I cannot fix it to your satisfaction if I am unaware that this is an issue for you. I will modify my ways for you. I will call you just about any name you choose. No problem. Just tell me!
If you choose not to have a quiet talk with your supervisor about this, then you will just have to live with it. As a supervisor, if you are uncomfortable talking to me about such small issues, then what can I expect from you about the larger issues?
I would consider you being uncomfortable talking to me about your name, a failure on my part. I should be able to make you comfortable enough with me to be able to discuss issues that need addressed.
With me it is a form of respect to call you by your last name. I have many folks that have a prefered name. One likes to be called Blue, another likes to be called Mama. I will not call anyone a name I find disrespectful. One woman wanted to be called “The B*tch”, I refused. She got called by her sir name.
Me personally, I do not care what you call me, I prefer to be called by my last name as it is very unique. It avoids confusion when there are two 48s in the group.
IHTH 48.
I’m a woman and have been called by only my last name before (which no one can pronounce, so that makes it worse), and I hate it. Probably because it’s unusual in my industry and the only people who did it were overly friendly men who seemed to be trying to bend over backwards to treat me like one of the guys instead of as a professional colleague (the last name thing was only part of this). Every time they did it, I responded with a variation of, “What am I, your army buddy? Please call me [first name],” until it finally kicked in.
I enjoy it. Cary is my surname and I prefer to be called that. My first name is too girly and fru-fru
I’m not military, but was taught that in business, “first” names are overly personal and that you should refer to everyone as “Mr. Lastname” or “Ms. Lastname” unless they’ve specifically asked otherwise. Maybe that’s a bit dated, but it was common when I was in school/college.
In practice, people I know well (or expect to know me well, like a new boss) call me by my first name, but strangers mostly call me by my last name. Telemarketers call my by a mispronounciation of my last name.
None of which overrides the primary rule, of course, which is that if the person expresses a preference, honor it.
I have worked fulltime since I graduated from college and have never been called by my last name at work. Is this others’ experience? The only time I’ve every been called by my last name is in a goofy way by coworkers — like a different and friendly way to say hello. (“And how do you do this fine day, Mrs. Cherry?”)
All throughout my life people (that in many cases have never met each other) seem to take to calling me by my last name. Though, I am male and have a VERY common first name, and a short/easy last name so I’ve always kind of attributed it to that. It happens less often in the workplace, but occasionally there as well.
It has never really bothered me, but I guess I do associate it with people subconciously trying to make things more casual, in a “we’re all friends here” kind of way.
Though come to think of it, when people outside of work call me by my first name it almost doesn’t sound right to my ears… wierd how that has followed me my whole life.
I’d guess that this depends on the business, and on what field it is in. We’re all first name where I work, even with our customers.
Wait. I was thinking the OP’s question was about using ONLY the last name, like in, “Smith, is your project done?”, not “Mr. Smith, is your project done.”
Hummmmm
I was in a small company. 35 employes on average. Owner is female, younger than I.
I had been with the company longer than anyone including the female owner.
I used nick names or a play on the real name for all employees including the boss. One lady I always called her by the name I thought she should have.
Everyone understood who I was referring to even if she was not in that conservation. Never was I asked to not do it. All but a few I considered friends. People with that uptight a tude would not make it in our business anyway as it requires every one to wear different hats … Had a male mid level boss who really did not like me. He never said a thing about that even if he was fussing at me about5 something.
I do it to most of my friends to this day.
Unless it is derogatory, I do not care what I am called as long as I know they mean me.
IMO, respect is not about what I’m called but how I am valued.
An new employee could not find a pipe line on a photograph. She complained to another woman working with her. This woman responded with, “Look in the middle.” “I have she said.” “Really, that is where it is.” was the retort. “How do you know?” She was told, “Because Gus flew it.”
That is respect IMO.