Hey everyone- just curious if anyone out ther gets annoyed with getting called by their last name. And how to correct it…My supervisor at work does this to me all the time and it irritates the crap out of me. Now some of my coworkers are starting to do this as well…Im a 36 year old woman getting called by my last name from someone who is 10 years younger than me…any opinions??
I don’t see the problem with it. Never really happens to me but I wouldn’t care if it did. Maybe you have a cool last name.
I have friends and co-workers (separate groups of people) who call me both “Speaker” and “Dead” (no honorific) all the time.
What about it bothers you? I’d be more bothered if someone called a 36-year-old woman a “girll [sic]”.
I get called by my last name (or a shortened version of it) all the time by my tennis teammates. Not sure what the issue is.
And what would happen if you replied in kind?
Yea, seems to be a pretty common practice in the US, especially for people that have very common first names (like, say, “Jen”). Context is everything but in and of itself I doubt its meant or should be taken as disrespectful, regardless of the ages of the people involved.
Anyways, Jenn Boilbutt, why does it bother you so much?
When I was working for a brokerage firm and we sometimes had to get people’s attention quickly, I was called by my l single-syllable last name. Much easier than trying to call out my 4-syllable first name. I didn’t care. These weren’t my friends, they were coworkers. Well, some of them were my friends, as well.
I prefer to be called by my last name: I identify by it much more than by my first name. Also, it always seems demeaning when women get called by their first names and men by their last: the last seems more serious and professional to me. There is this kinds of “Smithers! Get Sally to type this!” about it.
That said, have you tried asking them not to do it? If you’ve been assuming you can’t ask because they already know they are being jerks, don’t.
Short answer, it depends.
My supervisors (and some of my more familiar coworkers now) call me by my surname, or a nickname shortened from that…think something like Richards and Rikko…close enough to my real s/name without divulging personal info on the board!
I love it! It means that my work colleagues (including my supervisors) consider me highly enough to warrant dropping formalities. To me, giving someone a ‘special’ name at work (unless it’s something like Lazy Bastard, or Bitch Face etc) means that they are comfortable around you and feel a greater degree of personal familiarity. And it’s funnier because I’m the only person at work with my first name…there are tons of Johns and Jennies and Davids, but they don’t get called by their last names (which would alleviate a LOT of confusion).
It’s like being at school…if you got a nickname you were one of the privileged ones: it was the boring or uber-uptight kids who got stuck with their real names.
Now that being said, I can imagine some people being upset by this practice. That is why supervisors and coworkers need to be damned sure that they know their colleague well enough to get away with it. In your case, it doesn’t sound like they have tested the waters for long enough, and you would be totally within your rights to have a quiet word with your immediate boss to ask him/her to stop. If that’s the way you want to go of course…me, I’d just lap it up and be grateful that I’m valued in this way.
Oh, btw, I’m an over-50 mad auld bitch and perhaps too old and jaded to take offense at anything much anymore. Or maybe I AM being denigrated, but too stupid to realise it?
I have a very short “nicknamey” first name…which seems to invite people to infantalize it even more. I’ve always hated this aspect of my name. If my parents weren’t still alive, I’d probably change it.
So I wouldn’t have a problem being called by my last name, especially if that’s how everyone is addressed.
My friend (woman) just referred to another friend (woman) by her last name and it kinda sounded wrong to my ears. When I was in high school, the boys always referred to each other by their last names but the girls did not. As an adult, neither I nor my professional colleagues refer to another adult by their last name. While it’s not taboo or offensive, it would sound odd to me, especially in the work place.
Yeah, it’s a petty dominance thing. I either correct them or if they keep it up ignore them.
I went to a male only, British Public School (eg a private school), we were only addressed by our surnames.
Just before the schools 1000 year anniversary they decided to let girls in as well, the girls were addressed by their first names.
We were pleased that girls had arrived in our lives, but were miffed that they were not addressed by their surnames.
Would it be OK if they called you “Ms. Bo9”, instead of just “Bo9”?
Add me to the people wondering if you’ve asked them to call you Jen, or told them that’s what you’d prefer. If you do ask them to call you Jen and they’re reluctant, then you could give them the Ms. Bo9 option.
Some places, like the military, use only last names unless you become close personal friends with someone. Your uniform (US, at least) has your last name on the front, either stitched or pinned on.
Even then the odds are they’ll still use your last name: it’s just so ingrained.
I see nothing wrong with it. Once I became a civilian I hear my last name less often, but it still happens sometimes. Every once and a while my wife will slip and call me by my last name (she and I met while I was enlisted and she was close friends with my friends. They called me by my last name, and so did she).
If people are yelling at you that "You’re Dead, you hear me! Dead!!", it’s a bad sign.
Simple solution: every time they address you by your surname, say, “Please, call me Firstname.”
Nah, the only person who really seems to talk to me is this pale kid I’ve been giving therapy. Weird, hey?
Bingo.
If they persist and it annoys you enough, stop responding to it. When they make the extra effort, say “Sorry, I thought I asked you to call me (firstname). I’m not going to respond to (lastname).”
Either that or change your first name to something so unbelievably cool that they’ll WANT to call you by it. 