Girl Scouts: "Girls don't owe you a hug"

In My Humble Opinion
1

It seems like such a simple, non-controversial message: Girls have the right to decide who gets to touch them. I mean that’s just common sense and one way to protect them against sexual abuse, right? So why is facebook full of people (mostly men) freaking out about how it’s “ridiculous” and “obviously a ‘libtard’ idea” and “that’s what’s wrong with the world these days” and blah blah blah…

Is there anyone here who thinks that they have the right to touch little girls even when it’s unwanted?? :confused: Is there anyone here who thinks they have the right to touch anyone (little girls, little boys, adult men and women) even when it’s unwanted? This, of course doesn’t count for doctors or any type of essential touching. The article is just about not hugging people who don’t want hugs.

I’m confused why this is controversial.

2

Seriously? I mean, I haven’t seen those dudes, but I’m sure you’re right. It’s just, yeah, it’s not, or shouldn’t be, a controversial message. Christ.

3

It’s controversial because it confirms the agency and autonomy of women from an early age. We can’t be having that, can we?

4

Most of the backlash I’ve seen on Facebook has come from women who have said that kids should do what their elders tell them, no questions asked. :rolleyes:

5

Agreed - it just shouldn’t be controversial.

It’s a tiny shame that the word ‘touch’ is edging towards more commonly implying ‘the bad kind of touch’ when it seems like it should be a very neutral word really, but <shrug> that’s language for you, I guess.

6

I fully support this and don’t understand the controversy.

But: Why is this restricted to girls? I remember being hugged and kissed by relatives on Christmas or birthdays when I was little. I hated that.

7

I see women hugging each other all the time. It certainly sends me the message that women accept a hug as a harmless gesture.

8

TBH, I find the message overly simplistic, not to mention unnecessarily gendered (what about boys? Do boys owe their relatives a hug? I mean, I do recognise that this is a girl-centered organisation, but surely we can couch our messages to recognise that the rules for girls are the same as the rules for humans?) A hug is a normal greeting within families. If my kids were vehemently against participating in normal human greetings within our family - well, I would find that odd, and I’d want to know why.

If they just hate hugs all the time - well fine. If they’re happily giving Uncle Bob, Uncle Ron and Uncle Charlie a hug but skittering away from Uncle Doug, wouldn’t you want to know why that is rather than just accepting it as a situation where one person chooses one thing, another chooses another and that’s fine? And if they don’t want to give a quick hug to Aunty Betty who’s been wheeled out of the nursing home for this occasion and barely gets any human touch from one month to the next … well, actually I would want them to suck it up and be nice to her, under the circumstances.

Context.

9

The fact that somebody is happy to be hugged by many people in in many circumstances doesn’t mean that they are happy to be hugged by any person in any circumstance, Harvey.

10

So what happens when a woman hugs a women, who is not necessarily happy to be hugged by any person in any circumstance? Where is the outrage among girl scouts hugging each other? Holding hands as they go door to door selling cookies.

Girls DO that.

11

:confused:

Nobody is objecting to consensual hugging. This is not a message to stop your daughters from hugging.

The assumption for adult friends is that if they say they don’t want a hug, people won’t try and make them hug, like they do with kids. I have several friends who, for various reasons, really aren’t keen on hugs, but if a 30 year old says “I’m not a huggy person” or indicates with body language that they’re not OK with it, people may think it’s weird, but they don’t (except in situations heading into harassment territory) tell them off for being rude, or try and force them to do it.

But, as many people have commented, people do try and make kids hug, even when they’re uncomfortable with it. That’s what the message is about.
But yeah, don’t try and force adults to hug either, if that’s currently a thing you do.

12

It’s not restricted to girls. It’s part of the Girl Scouts’ website, under the section labeled

So yeah, they could’ve included some gender-neutral language, but Girl Scouts are allowed to have a gendered message. It’s not like it’s hard to extrapolate, and maybe the Boy Scouts could publish something similar.

13

Ah, nm

14

Man, Philippe is going to be so disappointed.

But otherwise I support the whole “no hugs if you don’t want them” thing.

15

I have nieces and nephews (of various degrees) ranging from 5 to 35 YO. Many years ago, I started asking, “Can I get a hug?” whenever we met at family events. Now I wonder if even that might be a bit too aggressive. It would be pretty awkward if one of them just said, “No.” I don’t recall any adults ever telling them, “Go on and hug your uncle.”

16

Me either. The worst I’ve experienced was when I saw another adult at a family gathering and a third adult that knew we both weren’t extremely hug-forward said “now, you two hug each other!” but that never happened when the other person was a child. It would certainly seem presumptious and invasive to ask that from a child. Now, positioning yourself like you’d like a hug isn’t as awkward because if they don’t want one they aren’t called out on it.

17

Except, of course, for those of us women who prefer NOT to be touched by anyone other than family and very close friends. It’s intrusive, uncomfortable, at times alarming or frighting (I’ve been attacked from behind, it REALLY sets my alarm bells screaming to get an unwanted from behind hug, it’s a hugely unpleasant, upsetting surge of adrenaline) and if we object we are told we’re being silly, unreasonable, it’s “just a hug”, etc., etc.

One thing I did really, really appreciate after my husband died was that my co-workers did NOT simply come up and hug me without warning (this had happened to someone else at work after her brother was murdered). They would offer, and I would accept. It’s a half second exchange: one person opens arms, says “Would you like a hug?”, other person says “Sure” and then it happens (or doesn’t, if the other person says "not right now, but thanks for offering). It allows the recipient control.

But just go right on thinking that because you see women hugging it’s ALWAYS OK, or wanted, or fine because we all know that all women are 100% alike with absolutely no differences whatsoever.

18

I can’t imagine hugging a non-family member, and especailly not an unknown child.

Why could this possibly be a thing?

I coached youth sports for over 10 years, 2 seasons a year, and often two teams a season.

The FIRST thing (well, two things) they taught us in coaching classes for certification (which, sadly, 90% of the youth coaches didn’t bother with) was (1) never be alone with one of your players, and (2) never ever ever touch one of your players. It sounds creepy, but it is good advice–just for what things look like to other team’s parents.

Mind, I would routinely walk out on the pitch at the half and at the end of the game and low-five players coming off the field and tell them what a good job they did, and (this is entirely sexist because I would only do it with female players), tap a female player on the top of the head and say “outstanding”.

Now, I had players that I had know for 5 years or more, been to their houses on social occasions, knew their parents well, and given a ton of rides to matches, that would touch me, but everyone understood the the reverse would be wrong.

How does anyone think touching a child (leaving out incidental contact here–things happen, not to mention a child climbing into your lap of their own volition), related or not, in a situation where they did not initiate the contact, is acceptable?

I know family is different, and we are supposed to be close, but I am still having a difficult time grasping this.

Yes, you can open your arms and leave them the choice–nothing wrong there.

My nieces hug me when we see each other (once a year or less), and it is the most awkward thing ever.

I like, try to hug with the least contact possible, because I don’t want to be the “creepy uncle”.

19

If that happens, if they say “no”, then just act like it’s no big deal, smile at them, and say, “that’s OK, then”. Because it is OK. Don’t make it awkward and it won’t be awkward.

20

How do you get from “I saw two women hug” to “all women will accept a hug”? How is two women hugging sending you a message about anything?

So can I assume that you disagree with the idea that girls should be able to decide who touches them?

And it’s not restricted to girls. It’s a message from the Girl Scouts to their members, who are girls. Boys also have the right to decide who gets to touch them and hopefully the Boy Scouts also has that message for their members. I haven’t heard it, so maybe it’s not so controversial when a male has authority over his body.

The message is not “don’t ever hug any male relatives”. It’s not about you at all. It’s about teaching girls that they get to say who does and doesn’t get to touch them.

What on earth is wrong with two little girls holding hands? Do you somehow think that if they are allowed to tell you not to hug them, then they aren’t allowed to have anyone ever touch them at any time? :confused:

You’re really, really missing the point about the message like so many others I see outraged by it. The message is not “don’t ever hug anyone, ever” the message is “if you don’t want to hug someone, you don’t have to”. That’s it. It’s not an attack on males, it’s about teaching girls their body is theirs. And while that message is so clear to me, some people do still live in the olden days when girls and women belonged to the men-folk.