As of yesterday my 13 year old has begun her period. She called me at work and we talked on the phone for a bit. I explained that she could use anything she wanted too. As the conversation went on I found out that a friend of mine that is 27 asked her if she had started her period. Then proceeded to tell and show her how to use a tampon. They didn’t stick it any where.
Anyway, this upset me. I feel this is not her job and she is budding into our lives where she has no place. I understand she gave her daughter to her mother but I feel she is trying to replace her daughter with mine. This friend is actually very immature for her age.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?
I think the tampon instructions were a bit much. But then again, my mom didn’t let me use tampons for the first year or so; she wanted me to get somewhat used to the whole having a period thing before I started sticking things up there. I don’t use them much now anyway unless I haven’t got a choice.
Only another, oh, twenty or twenty-five years of this left…sigh
I’d be pissed. On the other hand, my mother never gave me any pre-period talks, so I was horribly embarrassed when I did get it and had to ask for a pad. In fact, I didn’t tell her for a month, and just balled up toilet paper. So while it may be been inappropriate for your friend to do that, it’s good that someone did.
I think that maybe you should talk to your frind about this problem. She probably doesn’t realize that it is upsetting you. She may have been trying to help. It is even possible that you daughter asked her to show her. A lot of times kids are uncomfortable talkig to their parents about certain things. I asked my sister to show me how to use a tampon, not my mother. I thought that would be way to akward. My mother is an OB nurse too, so it’s not like she would have had a problem with showing me or talking about it. I am petty sure that she didn’t get angry at my sister for showing me.
I didn’t have a mom, so I would have appreciated a woman talking to me. Judging by the “mom” part of your username, I would assume that are the mother, rather than the father. In that case, I would say that it is your job to talk to your daughter about it (which you did), and she should stay out of it unless your daughter asked her about it. It is a rather private matter for most people.
I think that waiting so long might have left your daughter embarassed to talk to you and to ask the other woman, no matter what the other woman’s past might have included. This should have been fully discussed when she was ten or eleven. I think that if a thirteen-year-old had come to me with questions, I would have answered them, thinking that the mother was remiss in her duties.
I have talked to my daughter further about the subject. She has told me that my friend asked her if she had started yet and my daughter said NO. Then proceded to tell her about tampons. No other discussions has taken placed.
I don’t use tampons. I tried once and had a problem with it. So I stuck with the pads ever since. I told my daughter what ever she wanted to use would be ok with me. I would buy it for her. I have tried to be an open mom with her and my 2 boys.
When my daughter babysits for her, she will go over real early in the morning and take care of the kids while the friend chats with her friends and gets ready. My daughter had to call her and tell her that she couldn’t babysit because she wasn’t feeling good. She didn’t tell her the real reason why. That she had started. But when my husband went to their house later that day she was outside bitching up a storm. That if she couldn’t go then her husband couldn’t go. Anyway they found another baby sitter and they went out.
There are certain things that the folks need to teach kids when they are growing up, this is one of the things. We taught our son how to pee too. That’s a guys job.
As for your friend teaching your daughter; that’s questionable. She probably thought you might be too embarrassed to do it yourself?
When a woman is single she can ask her male friends to teach her son how to pee propertly.
Although not a woman, I’d just like to give a little plug here for menstrual alternatives. Many women I know are sick to death of spending exorbitant amounts of money on such essentials, and have turned to various other devices, including reusable cups and pads, which are also more environmentally friendly (reusable pad is to maxipad as cloth diaper is to disposable diaper).
For more on menstrual alternatives, check out Eco-Logique or your local feminist/ecological/health-food/vegan collective (if you live in a university town, you probably have one.)
We sat down several years ago when my sons was becoming of age and had a family discussion of sex and everything that goes with it. We have tried to be open with all three of our kids. My oldest is 16. All 3 of my kids are 17 months apart.
I think the question is whether your daughter was uncomfortable. If the friend was forcing information that your daughter didn’t want to hear or made her feel “wierd”, you should rightly be concerned. But otherwise, let it drop. (disclaimer: I am not a mom)
While we’re all sharing first-period anecdotes, I didn’t even tell my mom when I got my first period. I knew what it was, and my mom had supplied supplies, so I just figured it wasn’t a big deal. And I was 9 at the time, so go figure. A few years later I learned to do the tampon thing from other girls at summer camp. I certainly didn’t ask my mom, even though she would have been perfectly willing, open, and comfortable about discussing it.