My daughter, who just turned 12, is starting to get moody. My wife and I suspect her first period is around the corner.
My daughter and I (as well as my wife and she) have had several talks on sex, sexuality, periods, etc, etc. She seems to have a pretty good understanding of the changes her body is going though and what to expect.
Here’s my question (mostly directed at the females of SDMB)
At what point in your life did you become sexually aware? The age when you realized “down there” had more of a meaning then going to the bathroom.
My daughter and I have a great relationship. I’m lucky we can talk about things. But I know there will be SOME things she won’t want to talk about with me (which my wife can handle)
Any advice for a father about to enter the teen years with a daughter?
I got my first period when I was eleven years old. My mother wasn’t around and I didn’t feel comfortable talking to my father. I had never heard of such a thing happening and I thought something was horribly wrong with me and I was bleeding to death. I went to my school nurse and she set me straight.
My kids are not teens yet, so the only advice I can offer come from what I went through with my dad when I was a teenager. To be fair, I think he tried to do things right, but he had a bad habit of making jokes of the things that were important to me. I remember once asking him if I could borrow money, he wanted to know why and I was too embarrased to tell him I need maxi-pads, he figured it out pretty quickly and eventually gave me money to buy what he called “poontang plugs” I never asked again.
If your daughter wants to talk to you, just try to be as honest as you can be with her. And please, don’t laugh at her problems, even if you think they are silly and she will get over them. (I’m not trying to imply that you would, I just still scared from my father.)
Good luck. I think it’s tough on parents and kids.
I didn’t get my first period till I was 16, but I was moody from about 10 years old. Sexually aware? As in having a sex drive or a desire to find out about those things? I dunno exactly, probably about the same time
I knew from a very early age that “down there” did other things too… Although I didn’t know about the actual mechanics of it until secondary school.
I’m so with dragongirl on the teasing thing. My dad teased me terribly about growing up. He used to sit there in a restuarant and ask me “how my boobs were doing” - not because he actually wanted to know, but because he wanted to embarrass me. Of course it worked and I was absolutely mortified.
But I don’t really have a terribly good relationship with my father now. He made me feel awful about myself and made me feel like a freak.
I imagine it’s very awkward for you knowing your little girl is growing up, but don’t try and lighten it up with humour or teasing.
(From your OP, I don’t think you would, but just in case ;))
I got my first period at 14. At the time I was in the air, flying to Florida alone, to visit my Aunt. There are some signs that the first period is not far off. The growth of pubic/underarm hair. The breasts begin to develop. I also think that girls begin their periods at roughly the same age as their mothers/sisters.
I was aware of the mechanics of sex by about age 12.
There was a big gap from the point that I became sexually aware/had any kind of sex drive to the point that I felt I was ready to do something about it, about 2 years or so. I do remember being on a rocking horse when I was very young and thinking it felt nice, but it would never have occurred to me that it was a sexual thing.
Agree with the others…if you want your daughter to carry on being honest and open with you, keep the humour out of it. I wish my Dad had been as cool as you obviously are about all this
My mom got her period at 16. I got mine at 11. Not a great statistical sampling but we are one example of daughters not following mom’s cycle.
I knew what was happening to me because of health class. When I asked my mother for a pad I had to spend the next 2 hours trying to get her to stop bothering me… she wanted to take me to the emergency room as SHE thought I was bleeding to death. This was the extent of our big talk about sex.:rolleyes:
Unfortunately I learned everything I never wanted to learn about sex from my father who started molesting me somewhere before age 4. I have often wondered what it would have been like to grow up without fearing sex.
I will also vote not to tease your daughter. I will forever remember being at my aunts house with a room full of people when my father grabbed me and pulled up my shirt to show everyone my new bra. I was mortified beyond belief.
From the OP though you sound like a decent parent. Keep the communication lines open.
I never want my daughter to be afraid to talk to me. I plan to be honest and always take her concerns seriously. I have a little time though… she turns 2 next month.
Some kids breeze through puberty/adolescence… I wish you one of those kids
You sound like a great and involved dad, Seven, so I hope this suggestion doesn’t rub you the wrong way. Let your wife handle the period/boobs/sex stuff, for the most part. My dad and I have always had a great relationship, but I would have been utterly mortified had he tried to talk with me about bras or periods. Talk with her about school, her friends, her hopes and dreams, but not about maxi-pads.
My parents gave me a very basic sex talk when I was about four. I found a textbook that described sex in greater detail when I was about eight. I guess I first became aware of myself as a sexual being between 12 and 13.
I also agree about not teasing thing… my Dad didn’t do that too much to me but when he did oh I would turn red as a beet (now I just tease right back )
Best suggestion, if she decides to bring home a bf. Try not to intimidate him too much, though she may be a bit early for that yet. But who knows. I had my first kiss at 11… while playing house with a good guy friend of mine
I knew the biological aspects of sex from a semi-young age. My mother let me read all those ‘Where babies come from’ type books, meant for curious kids. I think they were meant for a little older age then when I got them but I was a voracious reader and could understand what they were talking about.
I think I became more sexually aware around 11 (which if I think on it is also about the time I started my period), but shy and self conscious as I was I never really became aware as myself as an attractive person who could be found in a sexual situation until much much later. I don’t think I really ‘noticed’ boys until high school, and it wasn’t until I was 18 that I even felt remotely good enough about who I was to approach them. It was then not until 19 that I actually started acting on my impulses. It really depends on the girl.
Best advice I have for you? Listen to her and be there if she needs you. If she needs to rant don’t start trying to fix things. Unless she asks for your help. It may be hard to bite your tongue, but if you listen to her well she will be more willing to bring to you more serious stuff. And she will also be more inclined to listen to advice you give, if you don’t attempt to shove it at her when she just needs an outlet. Believe me this is a very good thing.
My relationship with my father seems to have stalled when I was 11. Even though I’m a young woman, living on my own etc I still cannot talk to him about anything serious because he will either A get angry and lecture me or B go into a rant about women in general and what I’m doing wrong and how I should fix it and why can’t I be more like my cousins. Needless to say, I smile and nod a lot and though I try to take into account his ideas I’m more likely to dismiss them out of hand because he never tried to really listen to me in the first place and find out what is really wrong before jumping to conclusions.
I don’t know how it is with other girls, but as for me…
I have been “aware” forever. My mom made it a point to teach me about these things as soon as she thought I could understand her.
I started getting horny around age 9 or 10, and was fortunate enough to have a similarly budding friend (female) to “experiment” with. That was great because I was less frustrated, and became more aware of my body, with somebody that I knew and trusted, and had no chance of getting pregnant with.
I realized there was a whole new world “down there” when I was about 11. Breasts, pubic hair came in around 12. I got my first period when I was 13.
For the most part, I learned all the basics in 5th grade Sex Ed class. They even gave us a couple of pads, just in case. I remember the summer after 5th grade, I was at camp, and a couple of friends convinced me I should wear a pad everyday, to be ready. That lasted all of a week, thankfully. The last thing I needed was an added 2 years of stocking up on feminine supplies…
You are a unique father… you are getting ready to be able to handle your daughter growing up. My father never did… neither did my mother… and none of the parents of my friends did either.
Let her know that you’ll support/be there/love her no matter what happens… no matter what she wants out of life… no matter what her decisions are (mistakes or otherwise)… because it’s all interconnected. And do keep in mind that it is her life we’re talking about… she is her own person and you can’t tell her what to do.
And I have a feeling you’ve already done this… but do it more.
And when she’s screaming at you that “you have NO IDEA what I’m going through.” Don’t say you do, because you don’t. Your not a girl… and I can’t explain it. Have your wife yell at her “YES I DO!!” hehe
One thing you HAVE to tell her that I didn’t learn until it was to late.
You know the old addage that a woman can’t just have sex for a good time… well I can say that it’s true. Normally when a woman has sex with someone there is a bonding to that person. It happens on an emotional (and I need to emphisize EMOTIONAL) as well as physical level. I don’t know how it happens… it just does. BUT this does not happen with the normal guy. And that can be a crushing thing… when the person you’ve bonded to doesn’t bond to you too.
And I’ve also found out that it happens when you haven’t even met the person… without going into gory detail… with a good imagination, even over the net it can seem real.
And you know you can ring me anytime if any of the above doesn’t make any sense. hehe
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