This thread is brought on by a current IMHO thread. In that thread, a girl was getting jealous because a female friend of hers got a boyfriend.
Seems like a typical story. However, there were a couple of posts in that got me curious. The OP and another female poster posted about liking to snuggle with their female friends. The second poster took it a step further, posting about how she missed showering and sleeping with her female friend after said friend got a boyfriend.
The only strange thing about these posts is that they were talking about totally heterosexual relationships. When I was in highschool I had a best friend that I was very close to. When I spent the night at her house we’d sleep in the same bed and shower together in the morning, but it was more for convienence sake. We never snuggled or anything like that. When she subsequently ditched me for her boyfriend I was jealous, but not because I missed sleeping and showing with her, it was because I never saw her for months on end. I just missed hanging out with her. It would never occur to me to miss the physical aspects of our friendship.
But these posters specifically mentioned being jealous because they could no longer “snuggle” or become otherwise physically close with their friends, due to their new relationships.
From this, my curiosity arose. How many female posters on here routinely get physically intimate (not sex, just snuggling, sleeping together, showering together) to the point that they’d get jealous of that friend’s new boyfriend, not because they didn’t get to see their friend anymore, but because they couldn’t do those particular things anymore?
I guess this is a kind of poll.
Again, save the homophobic remarks and such because that is so not where this post was going. I’m just curious about the extent of physical activity between females that is routinely considered heterosexual and common.
I’ll hug my friends, or hold them if they’re crying, (literally let them cry on my shoulder), but cuddle? Nope. I have showered with friends, but only with our bathing suits on. (Trying to warm up after getting out the pool and wash our hair). Or I’ve had to share beds with friends.
I sleep with a couple of my girlfriends but not snuggle and never shower with them. I was surprised and a little envious to read the other posters’ words…I’ve always been hungry for more affection, but I never had that kind of relationship with them.
Of course as a result it’s not the physical snuggling with the boyfriends that used to get me envious, it was the loss of time with them. However, at this age I’m more inclined to be happy they’ve found someone to be happy with, as our relationship can only fill each other’s hearts so far.
I found the whole snuggling thing to be kind of strange. I’ve never had that kind of relationship with a female friend. Nor would I wish to. I have slept in the same bed with a girl friend, and I find even that to be somewhat disconcerting. But then I’m not a real touchy-feely person, except with my kids. I snuggle them a lot. Even my 13- and 15-year-olds don’t mind. Or they mind, but they know they can’t escape it, so they go along with it.
Looking back on my high school and college years, I don’t recall any of us wanting to snuggle with each other. Maybe it’s a recent trend?
I do admit to getting annoyed when hanging out with other friends and the one who had her boyfriend tag along was constantly snuggling and making out-but that was more, “Hello, there are other people here, get a fucking room, gah!”
I can be a touchy-feely kind of girl; an arm/back/shoulder toucher, a friendly hip bumper, a hugger, a grab your hand and “come on let’s go dance”-er.
But I have never showered with a woman who was not my actual girlfriend (as in dating girlfriend), nor cuddled and snuggled up with a woman casually. The closest I can think of barely counts, because it was a friend of mine who was grieving after we got news of one of her friends dying (note: the girl who died was from our school, who, though I didn’t know well, many did, and she died of cancer. The prinicpal announced her death over the PA, and allowed us all to just talk to each other for the rest of the day, consoling one another, go home if we wanted to, or stay and wait for the bus if we had no other way home), and I allowed her to quite literally cry on my shoulder as I consoled her, and then later, to help take her mind off of things, we watched a movie in a classroom, and she rested her head on my chest as I stroked her hair. It was very strictly a comfort thing, and I felt more motherly than friendly.
I did have a friend once who loved to play with my hair and run her fingers through it because she liked that it was so soft, and it felt damn nice, and I would never tell her to stop… however, that’s as far as that went. It would never have occurred to me to snuggle with her, or take showers with her. I’ve spent the night at her house many times, and always slept on the floor.
I love affection, damn right. But I save the snuggling/showering/cuddling for dating (or, as the case may be, such as today, married) relationships only.
I’m a hugger and a hand-holder with a couple friends, but never the sort of thing that would make me jealous if she spent time with a man. It’s more of an “I love you, Sis!” kinda thing.
I think that the poster in the other thread’s reaction to her interaction with her boyfriend was so upsetting that I suspect she may have stronger feelings for this girl than a simple gal-pals relationship would have. That’s the kind of reaction I’d get when I saw an ex-boyfriend with a new girl. YMMV.
har har. My screenname is actually a real life nickname. Given my actual name, I’ve been getting lesbian jokes thrown my way before I even knew what a lesbian was. Haven’t gotten any for quite a few years though, thanks for bringing me back!
Anyhoo, I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought those comments in that thread were a little…strange.
Some of us just tend to be more physical than others. I’m a little screwed in that I’m very physical (I like hugging all my friends), yet most of my friends are not. This doubly sucks now that I don’t have a BF to snuggle with. If I had a female friend who wouldn’t mind snuggling, I’d be (literallly) all over her.
Alright, hand up–how many men here got nosebleeds over the imagery in that last sentence?
We were a pretty snuggly group in high school, but it was always in groups, never two people alone. Two people alone would have been weird. But five of us would heap onto a bed together to watch TV, or give each other backrubs, or lay in each other’s laps and play with each other’s hair. It was usually, but not always coed-but-more-girls-than-boys, but our group was like that. I think it served a valuble purpose, in that there is a need for affection that is quite seperate from libido, and by being openly affectionate, there was less of a need to rush into romantic relationships. We kind of grew out of it as we aged .
I’m an extremely physicaly affectionate person – all of my friends get hugs whenever we say goodbye, and my closer girl friends and I do tend to snuggle quite a bit, while watching movies or just hanging out. We don’t shower together and don’t usually sleep together (although I’d be fine with that if there was only one big bed available), but we do snuggle. In sillier moods, we’ve been known to do some boob-grabbing and ass-smacking for the hell of it.
This has never caused me to be jealous of a friend’s boyfriend, though. It just doesn’t go to that extent.
I hug a few friends. And when doing the “save on hotel room” thing, I’ve split a bed with some, but we each had a side. It wouldn’t occur to me to snuggle with a friend. Nor to shower with one (except at a public pool with the shower wall set-up or a similar situation). Not even when I was a young teen.
I have gotten pissed off at some friends (and some former friends) when they disappear because they’ve just met their soulmate-of-the-month. But that’s because of the loss of time and their inability to have a conversation that didn’t revolve around their relationship.
I’ve never heard of girls showering together in a heterosexual way.
Other than that… I’ve slept (clothed) in a bed with a girl (like in hotels, when one of us spends the night at the other’s house, that sort of thing, or zipped two sleeping bags together at a cold sleepover party) and I’ve hugged girls and tend to be physically close with those who are more like sisters than friends.
My dance group, for example, tends to be pretty close and uninhibited. I think part of it is that, while we’re more than aware of the existence of homosexuals (and have some in our group) it’s just not a big deal. We don’t really make jokes about it or have wild parties where the girls kiss each other just for the hell of it… we’re sisters and brothers and that’s all there is to it. We’ve seen each other change (even seen each other’s boobs), we’ve roomed together and slept in the same beds, we lay on each other’s shoulders and laps when we’re exhausted, we sit one ach other’s laps when there’s a chair shortage…
we don’t patt each other on the butt to congratulate each other for a job well done, though.