I had a minor operation yesterday (turbinectomy and septoplasty if you really wanna know) and was admitted for an overnight stay post-op.
So after a brief stay in recovery got trundled up to share a ward with five old ducks. They were all still pretty out of it from their own operations (eyes) and I thought all would be sweet.
But come 8pm, the auld bitch in the bed next to mine started snoring, LOUDLY.
(That’s OK…I’m a snorer too, that’s why I was in there having that surgery. I forgave her the snoring, at first…)
But then she started punctuating the snoring with the most disgusting and LOUD coughing fits…sounded like she was coughing up a galvanised iron rubbish bin full of rocks. Scared the fuck outta me.
And then she started having apnea attacks…she’d go reeeeeally quiet for a minute or more, then KAPOWEEE…a nuclear-level snore, or a cough to dislodge the most tenacious of intestines. Fark.
What else you say? There must be something else!
She talked in her sleep the whole fucking night, between coughing, snoring, and not breathing.
I managed 20 minutes shuteye between 4.30 and 4.50 am whereupon I gave up and got up.
At 6am, she took a call on her mobile and I heard her exclaim to the caller:
And she was in for an eye operation?? Hasn’t anybody ever told her what she sounds like at night? Bugger the eyes…somebody discombobulate the rest of her please??