Just as the title implies, give me Bad Sci-Fi plots and i will turn them into wacky super short stories (super short in that this thread would get gigantic and i’d get carpal tunnel syndrome if i made them long).
don’t expect the stories to be any good, since they’re gonna be short, but it should be fun. The worse plots the better!
i await what you throw at me.
A gigantic flying turtle rescues some kids from two women who want to eat them on another planet. Wait a minute…
The Earth has been taken over by indifferent ugly aliens until the Scientologists can beat them a thousand years later. Wait a minute…
Dungeons & Dragons actually works in reality. Wait a minute…
Sorry, no new ideas. I’ve seen too much crap already.
What if…
A pillbug ate some irradiated seeds and grew to hundreds of times its original size.
All rights reserved, RadioWave Media Inc, Copyright MMIIIZ, no cute animals were harmed in the producing of this story, directed by Jerry Bruckenheimer.
i’ll snag this one, anyway…
Bill and Phil were just your ordinary 10 year old boys, who liked to play Power Rangers in the woods and throw rocks at hornets’ nests. One day while chucking rocks at a particulary big hornet’s nest, they noticed they were suddenly covered in shadow, like the sun had been blocked out. They looked up, only to discover a giant spaceship floating above them. before you can say “Kiss my grits” they were beamed aboard the ship.
“Welcome to the ship of the delicious!” being screached out was the first thing they heard. The ship was dark and they couldn’t see a thing. Suddenly, a shape appeared in the darkness in the sillouette of a woman. “follow me!” the shape shreiked.
“where are you taking us?” asked Bill, the taller of the two boys.
“You are our special guests at dinner!” Said the shape.
“They’re gonna eat us!” screamed Phil, and with that, the two shot off like a rocket.
“Drat, why’d i have to do all the ominous dinner puns…” Muttered the shape. “Lulubelle, the humans are running lose, get the gravey gun!”
“This way!” Yelled Bill.
“do you know where you are going?” asked Phil
“i’ve been kidnapped by aliens hundreds of times. We just need to get to a phone and call 1-800-Gamera!”
“Yes, Gamera is friend to all children”
“Gamera is really neat”
“Gamera is full of meat”
“I’ll get you!” came the call from the darkness. Bill and Phil narrowly avoided a blast of hot chicken gravy and made haste down the hallway, only to be cut off by the Shadow Woman. “There is no escape!” The Shadow said as she closed in.
Suddenly, the alarm went off on the bridge. “Space Turtle alert!” The women yelled, and ran to the bridge. “Space Turtle off the starboard bow!” Said Lulubelle. Suddenly the Space Turtle accellerated and rammed the saucer, tossing those about like rag dolls in a dryer. The Space Turtle’s beak tore into the bridge, and the two women were flung into space. Lulubelle injured her leg, and was shot by Shadow Woman “no weaknesses” she would have said, had the oxygen rushing from her lungs not tore her throat to ribbons. But it all mattered not as the Space Turtle ate them both a second later.
“Yea!!!” cheered Bill and Phil, “Gamera has saved us!”
“i’m not Gamera!” Said the Space Turtle, “I’m Roger!” And with that, he left the boys alone on a crippled starship lightyears away from their home, all alone.
Until space pirates ate their skin.
the end
Space Marines have FTL interstellar travel but still fight with assault rifles.
A superbly skilled fighter pilot’s human intuition allows him to outperform robot drones and missiles.
A deadly alien creature kills off a space crew one by one because the scientists who want to study it won’t let the others kill it.
An evil conspiracy creates an army of clones/ robots/ zombies/ super-soldiers.
A band of brave rebels challenge the tyrannical corporation that runs everything.
An AI/ alien/ synthetic lifeform learns about being human.
A warrior takes a terrible beating battling an opponent three times his size, but through sheer courage and willpower wins.
“What’s that, Jerry?”
“It’s a giant Pill bug! Run for your–”
SQuISH!
TV announcer: In other news today, a giant Pillbug has been terrorizing southern Alabama for the past month. Government officials have assured local residents that the pillbug was not caused by secret experiments going on in Alabama Secret Air Force Base or neither does it have anything to do with a rift in Hell opened at such a non-existant Air Force base by a mad colonel. The government spokesman was then eaten by deamons.
Alabama Joe: Hey, if no one is going to stop that there giant pillbug, then i’m a gonna stop it myself! Wife, get me my shotgun!
Wife: Your shotgun, Your Magisty! :rolleyes:
Alabama Joe: When i come back, there best be dinner on the table!
Wife: Yeah, sure, whatever. Get some Potatoes on the way back.
Alabama Joe heads out into the night, armed with his trusty shotgun, Betsy, a gift from his grandfather when he was eight. Alabama Joe remembers the words his grandfather told him “You can’t tell Muskrat from cow if you add enough Ketchup!” Wait! He also remembers Grandfather’s other words: “If you ever fight a pillbug grown to gigantic size by the forces of Hell, then aim for the undersection. And then add some Ketchup and no one can tell it from cow!” Grandpa had some problems.
Alabama Joe headed to Two Gulch Gulch, where the Pillbug earlier had destroyed the 31st Infantry Division down to a man, that man’s name, Pvt. Papovich. Papovich was knocked unconcious by the Pillbug, and woke up after everyone was dead. he was thrown out of the army that night for deserting his post, and branded, even though he was innocent. He took up his broken sword and went out to reclaim his honor. Papovich and Alabama Joe ran into each other at the base of Two Gulch Gulch.
“I’m gonna kill that Pillbug!” Said Joe
“I’m a-gonna kill that Pillbug!” Said Papovich
“Race you!” Said Joe, and they both headed down to where the Pillbug was suspected of hiding out.
“careful when he balls up, he’ll roll over entire divisions of troops!” Yelled Papovich.
“I’m not scared, not as long as i got Betsy!” said Alabama Joe. Suddenlty, they heard a noise like a Dingo yelling in the night. “It’s coming!” said Papovich.
“let me at it!” screamed Alabama Joe, and raced ahead. Suddenly, there it was ahead of him, 100 feet tall, smellier than a Rhino’s butt and twice as ugly. Alabama Joe fired at the Pillbug’s underbelly, but it was too fast for him and rolled up immediatly, his shot bouncing off the iron hard exoskeleton. “Dagnabbit!” he let loose, as the Pillbug rolled toward him. Off he ran, the scene resembling Raiders of the Lost Ark so much i have a cease and desist order preventing me from describing the rest of it.
Papovich charged at the pillbug, which unrolled, stared at the foolish human who dared challenge it, and swallowed him whole. Alabama Joe regained consiousness while the Pillbug was gulping down his meal, and fired a shot at the Pillbug’s neck. the shot had little visual effect, but caused Papovich’s broken sword to get lodged in the Pillbug’s next. It squashed Alabama Joe a second later, then died of a Staph infection three months down the line. Alabama Joe’s wife was given a medal for her husband’s actions, but she just decried him not bring back any potatoes.
Until space pirates ate her skin
The end.
A man who can read minds chooses not do so, uneventful happenings ensue.
**Give me Bad Sci-Fi plots to turn into wacky super short stories! **
I must protest. This is not implied; the title states this explicitly.
Having said that:
–A scientist discovers a tiny microscopic world orbiting an atom.
–In the future, women rule over men.
–Someone invents a ray that evolves or de-evolves people.
–Aliens invade to steal our water.
–Aliens invade to steal our women.
–Aliens invade to steal second base.
–A virus is unleashed that turns zombies into vampires.
–Turns out we’re all really living in Virtual Reality.
–Perpetual motion is achieved by harnessing the evil energies of cats.
–A giant mutant dandelion blows the heads off people.
–There is another Earth on the other side of the Sun, identical except for the fact that [fill in blank].
–Sponges riot!!!
–Leonardo da Vinci invents the Salad Shooter.
–Woodchucks start chucking plastic.
–Man tampers in God’s domain.
A biowarfare agent that makes sexual intercourse fatal gets loose and kills most of the human race. What’s left of the human races is divided up into tiny enclaves of all male and all female encampments, both of which are prone to shoot first and ask questions later when approached by a member of the opposite sex. A brilliant young scientist develops a cure for the plague. Now he must find a woman whom he can test it on … the hard way, if you know what I mean.
Pvt. Robers: Hey, while we are flying on this faster than light vessel, i shall test my assult rifle that fires bullets.
Pvt. Johnson: That might not be a good idea.
Pvt. Robers: Shaddap, you rookie! I’ll test what i want.
::Pvt. Robers fires his assult rifle dead ahead at the target. Since the ship is going faster than light and the bullets aren’t, they go backwards and turn Pvt. Robers into swiss cheese.::
Pvt. Johnson: Hey, that violated the laws of Physics!
Sgt. Zim: So does our faster than light travel, maggot! So shut your yap and clean up that mess!
Barry Glucose had a gift. He was the best pilot in the galaxy, and a good friend. Glucose had some sort of power to know what the enemy was doing before the enemy knew itself. Glucose could take out hundreds of enemy fighters without breaking a sweat. he regularly could shake heat seeking missiles and cause them to crash into enemy ships or explode from malfunctioning logic circuits. Glucose was a God among men. He was single handedly winning the war against the nefarious Zooboomafu empire, who’s only wish was to enslave mankind. Glucose was a former pacifist, having taken up Buddism to repress his former hot temper, until his family was killed and colony destroyed, then the inner spark of hate he always had as a child was flamed into the intense blaze that burns hotter than a million suns.
Glucose got set for what would be the final mission of the War. His Fighter squad had smashed the Zooboomafu defenses and was deep within their territory, in striking distance of the Homeworld. The squad was set up for what looked like a suicide mission: To take out the gigantic Starbase orbiting the Zooboomafu Homeworld, which would cripple the command structure and possibly open Zooboomafu up to surrendering. Glucose ran his hand along the front of his fighter, mentally preparing himself for the battle. The alert sounded, and the squad rushed to their fighters. Glucose hopped in the cockpit and put on his flight helmet. The ships shot out of the carrier and left the battle group, headed for trouble.
Glucose checked his sensors, four squads of enemy fighters were headed right for them. They were simple computer drones, no contest for Glucose. He let the hate engulf him and a red mist enveloped his eyes. His ship was a knife, and the rage in him helped him hack away. One by one the enemy craft disintigrated before they even got a shot off. The rest of Glocose’s squad knew to steer clear of him in the heat of battle, and headed straight for the Starbase.
suddenly a new fighter group appeared on the scene. These were a yet unknown class of fighters. They moved different than any Zooboomafu squad Glucose had ever scene. Suddenly, it dawned on him, they had HUMAN pilots. The Zooboomafu had never used living beings as pilots, and now they suddenly had a squad of human pilots? Something strange was going on. Glucose had no time to ponder it, as some of the fighters were closing in. Glucose knew that the human pilots would make them unpredictable, but he knew he could still beat any living thing in a dogfight. Glucose began to blink out the lifeforce of the new pilots, they were no challenge, either. Down to the last one, he closed in, when suddenly the intercomm crackled: “Barry!”
Barry froze, it was his mother’s voice! But she had died at his home with the rest of his family! What trechery was this? But the time it took to comprehend the trick was a second too long, the enemy fighter had it’s chance, and struck. Glucose’s last thought was that the stars were very clear in this sector.
Without Glucose’s support, his fighter group failed in it’s mission and the advance fell apart. Earth forces fell on all fronts as the Zooboomafu rolled over the lines. Earth was on the brink of collaspe itself when suddenly the Zooboomafu all vanished throughout the galaxy, leaving empty ships and planets behind. No explination has be satisfactory for this event.
A starship traveling through space has an accident. It crashes on a wilderness planet. Only two members of the crew survive; a man and a woman. The last line of the story reveals their names are Adam and Eve.
SciFi plots don’t get no badder than that.
Dr. Ira Evilbottom cackled in his secret volcano lair. “i have finally done it!” he cried.
“What is that, master?” inquired Eye-gor, Evilbottom’s three humped henchman.
“i have created the ultimate virus! And only i have the vacine that will prevent infestation! Soon i shall unleash this upon the world!”
“excellent, master! and can we then make the three headed puppy?” asked Eye-gor
“yeah, sure, why not. hold still while i inject you with this. I’m renting a crop duster tomorrow and spraying Nebraska’s wheatfields!”
“ow!”
The next day in Nebraska:
“Muhahahaha! Just wait until this gets into the food supply!” Evilbottom blurted out between laughs.
Next week at McDonalds:
Sleepy eyed Customer: I’ll take a happy meal, please.
Stoner Cashier: dude!
Sleepy eyed customer: Thanks, man. Munch Munch. Hey, this bread tastes weird!
Stoner Cashier: Dude.
Zombie working the French Fryer: Ungh, Brains, want McBrains! Eat McBrains Sandwich! Mmmm…ugh!
::Zombie falls to floor, begins shaking. Suddenly he gets up, and is now a vampire::
Ex-Zombie Vampire: What the hell?
::suddenly Buffy leaps thru the driveup window and nails him in the chest.::
Buffy: And that’s the end of that chapter
Sleepy eyed customer: But all the zombies across the country are turning into vampires! And now Congress is proposing Zombie immigration reform! Who will do all our unskilled labor?
Buffy: Don’t ask me, i’ve been cancelled!
::fade to black::
God woke up one morning and logged into his website, God.org. The homepage loaded, but the images were different.
“1337 H@><0r th15 C1t3, d00d3Rz!”
--P0nyb0i
“That’s it!” God roared, “No one tampers in MY Domain!”
Cut to Earth, P0nyb0i (aka Newton Pindercow) is walking down the street. “i’m soo cool” he thinks to himself, while eating a twinkie and wearing an Anime shirt. Suddenly he notices the building to his right is covered in a cocoon. “WTF?” he thinks. Suddenly the cocoon breaks to reveal a green liquid pool. “hey, that looks like…no, couldn’t be.” Then Newton looks to his left, and sees that house is now a giant throbbing mass of slime, with maggots all around. Then 300 jmaggots suddenly turn into coccoons of their own.
“oh, no” meekly says Newton, who then begins to run, but years of no exercise and junk food don’t allow him to get very far. 300 Zerglings hatched as one, and immediatly gave chase. “Nargh” screamed newton as his intestines were ripped out. Suddenly, a message appears in the sky. “OMG ZERG RUSH!!1 I’m in your base killing your d00ds! You suck, n00bz!!1” —God
“maybe i shouldn’t have hacked in God’s domain” was Newton’s last thought, before he was dodging Zerg in Hell. And space pirates ate his skin.
Rutager was a quiet man with a secret. He knew what people thought, and had for all of his life. he nearly went insane as a child from all the thoughts, until he learned to hone his talent. Soon he gained knowledge about almost everyone’s secrets. But then, the novelty was beginning to wear off. Games became no fun as he knew his opponents moves before hand. Tests at school were no challenge. Nothing excited Rutager anymore. So Rutager decided to stop reading minds.
It was like a release. Rutager could do whatever he wanted and not have to worry about feeling what nasty comments strangers thought about his every move. Life suddenly became a joy for him. He could talk to people and enjoy their conversations because what they would say was unexpected. Soon Rutager was on top of the world. Life continued much as normal for the rest of the nation, and Rutager married and had three kids. One day Rutager was walking to work and a bus hit him. If he had stayed to reading minds he would have felt it coming, but he hadn’t for almost thrity years. And Rutager died happy, his gift being recessive, was not expressed in his children. Life went on as normal.
Message board personalities possess people in real life.
There’s these space pirates, see, and they really like skin…
Aha! Getting hit by a bus could be considered eventful. 
Good stuff.
An alien being comes to earth and has the ability to sense the underlying feelings of women. BUT! He,(it has to be a male of the species) can’t convince anyone of his skill. Does he leave, or does he have his own daytime tv show?
Well?
A super smart dog (probably a mutant) invents a machine that causes people to see combovers the way the wearer sees them. Aliens from the planet of hats try to stop him
It had been thirty years since the plague. Rod Hardmeat hadn’t seen a woman since he was four, women having abandoned men and holed up in San Francisco. Most of the males left were in Vegas. Everyone was young, or super old, or religious nuts or ultrageeks. Any who had avoided The Burning, as the plague had been known. appariently a fungus created by the Gov’t was sent into space on the Suttle Columbia, and when it blew it scattered the mutated fungus across the country. The fungus caused tiny hairs to grow on the shaft of the penis and inside the vagina. The hairs grating together caused them to heat up and ignite, flames engulfing both participants. All efforts to kill the fungus prooved useless, and soon everyone had it. In Vegas, it was not uncommon to see men with severe burnmarks on one hand.
Hardmeat had dedicated his life to ending the plague and getting him some. finally, after 10 years of toil, he had created the world’s most powerful anti-fungal agent, and the hairs had disappeared. But would it work on women as well? Hardmeat had to find out. With his trusty Mule, Grimace, he set out for San Fancisco.
As he approached SF, he noticed a giant barrier growning before him. The women had sealed off the city. He creeped closer, trying not to be seen while getting look at the gate. Suddenly, he heared voices behind him, of a type he hadn’t heard for decades.
“i hear something, Julie!” said one voice
“me, too, annie” replied Julie. “it came from that area, blast it!”
Hardmeat and Grimace scattered as shotgun blasts flew through the air.
“look! It’s one of them hairy apes! Kill it before it defiles us!” screamed Julie. Annie aimed again and fired, narrowly missing Hardmeat.
“wait!” he cried. “i have the cure! It will solve all ur problems and let us love again!”
“I’ve heard that one before” muttered Julie. “My sister was taken by one of your apes’s lies, and burned to a crisp! Now get out here where we can shoot you good!”
Hardmeat dodged the two women and headed for the city gates. “the fools!” he thought, “i am here to save us all!”
He knocked on the door. “Open up! I have the cure!”
Meanwhile, on the North wall. “another guy claims to have what all we women want, your highness”
“Third one today. When will these men learn? thank goodness for our captive program that we can draw sperm from as they make love to manniquins. We can repopulate indefinately without having to worry about men thinking they know what we want. Kill him”
and Rod Hardmeat died in a hail of gunfire.