Go sodomise yourself with a chainsaw, Randy Newman

The BBQ Pit
1

Randy Newman. Ask anyone on the street about him, and you’ll probobly get a reference to his wonderful song “I Love LA”. That’s just peachy. But… I decided on a whim to do a search on “Baltimore” on Napster, and I found a song by Randy Newman called “Baltimore”. I eagerly downloaded it, wondering what kind of treat I was in for. I knew that he would not be able to duplicate the raw power of “I Love LA.”, but I thought it would be a nice song. It starts off talking about a “Beat up little seagull on a marble step”, I smiled, thinking, yup that B-more all right, those steps have been a source of pride in this town for 100 years. The song then calls us a “hard town by the sea”. Well, OK, I guess that can be true…Wait a minute, " Hooker on a corner ", " Drunk lying on a sidewalk "???WTF? What the fucking fuck? " The city’s dying, and it don’t know why “??? The chorus come in:” ohhh, Baltimore, man, it’s horrible ".

Well, Randy, it’s clear that you have never been to the queen city of the Patapsco River basin. I don’t suggest that you visit, either. All of the blue collar working class joes here would be glad to rip off your head and take turns shitting down your neck. Where in the bleeding hell do you get off condeming our city? You celebrate the bright lights, plastic culture and insencere relationships of L.A. What would you know about a real city, with real people who live, love and work in blissful ignorance of what it’s like to be in a situation where you can’t trust your “beat friend”. I would hope that you suffer a debilitating stroke and spend many years excrutiatingly aware what life used to be, but unable to interact with it. I hope it’s long, painful and torturous. I hope everone you care for repudiates the sight of you, and you spend many years rotting in an uncareing nursing home, reveling in your own shit and piss. Go fuck yourself.

2

I’ve been in Baltimore. Twice. Liked it both times.

I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.

Randy Newman is a turd.

3

Sounds like he’s confusing Baltimore with San Francisco.

4

I don’t know what Newman’s talking bout. Last time I was there, the Inner Harbor was all chain restaurants and crappy upscale shopping.

I think I preferred the version of Baltimore he was singing about.

5

Never been to Baltimore. Not a big fan of Mr. Newman. But I do know that some of his work it satire. Could this be the case?

6

The song is from the late '70s, what was Baltimore like back then ?
Just curious
Keith

7

IIRC, Newman wrote the song in the mid-70s; I think it was on his “Little Criminals” album, the one with “Short People”.

Maybe Baltimore was different then; rumor has it that it had to accomplish a lot to get to where it is now.

And maybe the statute of limitations has run. Beating people over the head for things they did decades ago, if they’re not up there with murder, rape, and whatnot, gets to be a bit much. Unless there’s a clear connection with what they’re doing now.

Let’s give Jane Fonda a pass on her youthful stupidity, let’s forgive Strom Thurmond for being a raging (if not so youthful) segregationist at the same time Fonda was visiting Hanoi, and let’s ask whether Randy Newman might have changed a bit since 1977.

8

On behalf of the Seagullese Liberation Army, I’d like to say, “Right on, Weirddave!” Awwk!

Yeah, RN’s a noted satirist, but IMO sometimes he goes wayyy over the edge. There’s “biting satire” and then there’s “biting satire that isn’t really that funny”.

9

Randy Newman’s songs, “I Love L.A.” notwithstanding, are pretty heavy on cynical irony and bitter social observations. Which itself is ironic, given that the average person who plumbs his catalog for more fluffy songs like “L.A.” runs across something like “Baltimore” or “God’s Song” (in which God expresses his amazement at how people on earth praise him while he kills their children).

Forget Baltimore, Newman pretty much lambasted the entire South in 1974 with “Rednecks” off the Good Old Boys album:

(Of course, the song takes an ironic twist in the next verse, where the narrator observe that “we’re to ignorant to realize, the North has set the nigger free”-- free, that is, to be put in jail in ghetto areas in every major northern city.)

Not quite “I Love L.A.,” is it? In fact, a close listen to Newman’s earlier work reveals that his songs are often sung by down-and-out narrators about a world that is harsh and unforgiving. “Lousiana 1927” is sung from the perspective of a sharecropper who has seen his land and livelihood washed away by a flood. “Sail Away” is a hopeful song sung by unwitting slaves being shipped from Africa to the colonies.

Which brings us to “Baltimore”:

Make of it what you will, but, being familiar with Newman’s style, I interpret this song much differently than you do. The narrator of the song is a disaffected citizen of the city bemoaning hard times that have resulted in a decline in the quality of life there. (Remember, this was written in 1977, when Baltimore, like much of the country, was suffering through a crippling economic recession.) In subsequent verses, he talks about gathering up his family and moving for good to the country. I see it as a modern lyrical equivalent of those black-and-white photos of bread lines during the depression.

No, it’s not “I Love Baltimore,” nor is it necessarily specific to the city itself. In fact, the name could be changed to any east coast city in the 70’s and be equally applicable.

If you’re looking for fluffy pop hits like “I Love L.A.,” Randy’s not your man. That song is an aberration in his overall body of work. But if you are looking for music that makes you think a little, sink $12 into Sail Away. It’s a good place to start with Newman.

10

O.K. Maybe I overreacted. But it still pissed me off at the time. And I heard “hard to live” as “horrible”. And yes, we have come a long way since 1977. Still didn’t put me in a great mood though.
< Grumble Grumble >

11

I lived in and around Baltimore in the mid seventies. Randy was being too kind to the town, given the shape it was in. The old Beth Steel shipyard was in the long, painful process of closing, most of the other good blue-collar jobs were gone or going, the harbor was dirty and almost unnavigable, the currently chic area around Fells Point was good only for hookers and fireworks (Hey, I was 11, so fireworks were the attraction).

Heck, there are still large parts of Charm City that are all but abandoned. Get off the main drag up Charles St. and drive from the Inner Harbor out to Fells Point, or look out the window when your Amtrack train rolls in from the north. Baltimore has cleaned up, but it still possesses among the nations highest rates of murder, venereal disease and all matter of other nasties.

Oh, and the Ravens uniforms look like they should be guarding a dictator or Generalissimo or something.

12

First of all, remember I heard the song in 2000, not 1977. Second, what’s your point? That there are bad areas of town? Sure. Lower ParkHheights, Greenmount Ave. near the jail, Pennsylvania/North Aves and other sections are bad. They are no worse than, say Manhattan above 96th Street and lots better than some cities like Philly and Detroit. Baltimore has come a LONG way, and my outrage reflected that.

Oh, BTW, Manhattan-Purple and Black rule! The uniforms are the same colors as the bruses the other team gets when playing the mighty Ravens.

13

Things change. But mostly only if people criticize them. Newman wasn’t alone in his criticism, though, at the time. Baltimore was some of the baddest of the bad–though I didn’t see it myself until it started perking up in the early eighties.

14

Baltimore? Baltimore? Do any of you remember waht he wrote about *Cleveland[/]?

[refrain]
Cleveland, City of Lights, City of Magic

Sounds good so far, till you realize he poses those lyrics against the main text, about the Cuyahoga River, the one that caught fire!

There are few songs in creation as cool/humane/horny as “You Can Leave Your Hat On” and hes a genius, pumps out irony like “Old Faithful” pumps water, and his insights are brutally sharp. And a lurking, stern humanity that reminds me of Twain and Bierce. If I win the lottery, I’ll send him some money just cause he’s so cool.

As far as “Rednecks” go…I was raised by rednecks… abd ge nailed it down. It only recently got cute to be a rednecks. You think Randy Newman is nasty? You’re lucky.

15

Dave, I loves ya, but the RAVENS? Couldn’t you cheer for a team, that, you know, has a SOUL??? How the hell can you support anything backed by Art Modell? Remember, if you don’t give him exactly what he wants, your team might very well end up in some other city. And someone really needs to keep your players away from sharp objects, eh?

I just hope you realize that you are rooting for a team that is supported by the Dark Lord of the Netherworld himself (and no, I’m not talking about my beloved fiance, who, if he suddenly found that the Ravens were the last football team on earth, would develop a liking for soccer). But hey, it’s on your conscience, not mine.

Oh, and the numbers on their uniforms look like the ones you buy at the hardware store for 69 cents apiece and staple to your mailbox out in the suburbs.

16

Drain dear,

I am there every game. Section 513 row 14. Your points in order:

I don’t dislike Art, he was being taken advantage of by Cleveland. If they had built the stadium they now have, he wouldn’t have left. At least he had enough class to leave behind their name and (shudder) hideous uniforms, unlike someone named Irsay. Besides, he has sold 49% of the team to a local guy and pledged to sell the other 51% in 4 years.

The team has a 30 year lease on the best stadium in the NFL. It makes gobs of money. It’s not going anywhere.

Ray Lewis was convicted of lying to the police. That’s all he did.

I like the numbers. They’re unique.

GO RAVENS!

17

Well, Dave, even if you now think you overreacted, I still want to thank you for providing one of the more entertaining Pit thread titles I’ve seen lately. I’ve spent a most enjoyable afternoon trying to construct an actual scenario in which a person really would attempt to sodomise himself with a chainsaw.

First problem, I couldn’t figure out whether you meant operative or non-operative. I decided that running at “Idle” was probably best.

Second, I realized that he’d have to use one of those “shorties”, because a full-size chainsaw would be too long, you know, he’d have to hold it way out at arm’s length somehow in order to ram it in, and the angle is all wrong, I don’t think he’d be able to get enough leverage.

Third, you realize of course that sodomy, with or without chainsaws, is still illegal in many of our Southern states? Depending on what state he was in, if he injured himself and went to an emergency room, they would probably be obligated to report it to the cops, like a gunshot wound.

18

Never been to Baltimore, but Randy Newman rocks. Some of his best songs are complaints or are written from the point of view of jerks. “My life is good” is a great song. “Christmas in Capetown” is another one. (I think Paul Simon was in that last one.)

19

Paul Simon? He would have curled up and died.

20

I grw up in Cleveland in the 1970s, and we were all supposed to hate Newman for “Burn On, Big River.” But I’ve got to say he’s one of the best and funniest singer/songwriters to come out of the '60s. Like a more serious Tom Lehrer combined with a less lunatic Warren Zevon.

He makes a LOT of enemies…with the songs bashing Baltimore and Cleveland; the liberal use of racial epithets in “Sail Away” and “Rednecks;” and especially the attack on short people in “Short People.” That’s why I like him…he’s not only wickedly funny, but he doesn’t give a shit who he offends.

And his songs really added a nice touch to the TOY STORY movies.