So this is a debate going viral on TikTok right now.
A guy has to choose between going to his child’s Pre-K graduation or his girlfriend’s master’s graduation.
Apparently, I’m in the minority because I think he should have went to his girlfriend’s graduation.
The vast majority are saying “oh no, the children always come first”.
Which I think is BS. NOBODY should always come first. Sometimes the kids come first sometimes the SO comes first. You call it on a case-by-case basis. Involve critical thinking in your decisions.
Do you remember graduating from pre-K?
Heck, I barely remember highschool graduation.
I’d be on board with the SO, if they are engaged or planning to be exclusive. Or already married, cohabitating. Have a child together.
If its casual, go to the kids for the photo op.
My kid wanted to skip his middle school promotion ceremony and we were “Cool, less hassle for us”. I can’t imagine getting hepped up a pre-K event. We did tell him he was doing high school graduation though.
I’d choose the masters ceremony easily. I’d also explain to my child that said person has worked very hard for years and this will be her last graduation ever.
The girlfriend can appreciate the guy’s predicament; the kid probably won’t. Does his girlfriend really expect him to demonstrate that she means more to him than his child? If so, there are bigger issues with that relationship.
While I find the idea meh, and didn’t attend any of my own graduations (except one where my presence was required), I do understand that part of it is easing transition.
It’s not(or wasn’t) an unheard of thing. If you have multiple kids and their school schedules collide.
Parents (more Moms, I’d say) have wrestled with who’s game, dance recital or event was most important, since extracurricular became a word.
I think a grown man should be able to figure it out. I bet all he needs to do is have a talk with SO. Let her decide.
No need to go all King Solomon and split the baby.
My thought is the SO should understand if the parent attends the pre-K graduation. I guess that means I have no real strong answer one way or another, but I may err slightly toward the kid and if the SO takes offense, well that tells me something.
Practically and realistically, the kid won’t remember. Pre-K graduation is bullshit. So that would tell me go to the SO. Hey, I said I was split.
It makes more sense to you to go to a participation event as opposed to an event that requires years of hard work to graduate?
That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to me. It’s also not a good example to set for your children. They need to know the world does not revolve around them.
I agree that a pre-school graduation is silly, and his child may not notice or remember if he skips it, but…
There will be pictures taken, and when the child is old enough, they might wonder why Daddy isn’t in them. He’s obviously divorced, which makes it all the more important for his child to know he cares enough to be there for them, even for an event as inconsequential as that.
He may not even have this girlfriend a year from now. He’ll always have his child. If she’s bright enough to earn a master’s degree, I think the girlfriend should also be mature enough to understand this and respect a man who places his children first.
I’m not going to say the kid always come first- because they don’t. But for a variety of reasons, I lean towards the kid in this one. It’s true the kid won’t remember years from now , but the kid will know it now. Plus there will be pictures and so on so even if there aren’t actual memories , there will be reminders. Unless the plan is for the kid to miss their own graduation. And a four or five year old isn’t going to understand any explanations. Maybe they will years from now, but they won’t understand now.
The girlfriend - maybe she’ll remember for years. Or maybe they will split up inside a year and she will barely remember him in ten years. No way to know anything for sure - don’t know how long they’ve been together , how serious they are, don’t know where the kid lives, don’t know who else is going to the graduation The only thing I do know for sure is that she isn’t the kid’s mother because if she was, there wouldn’t be any question on TikTok.
Even a theoretical kid who might understand in five or ten years why her father went to her stepmother’s graduation might think very differently if she doesn’t even remember the girlfriend who she hasn’t seen since six months after the graduations.
It doesn’t seem like a healthy way to go through a relationship.
I remember my ex-girlfriend and I had planned to spend the day together. Our schedules were so busy we planned this for 2 weeks.
And then at the very last moment she cancels on me. Why? Bc her 16yo daughter had plans to hang out with her friends that day. But for whatever reasons those plans got canceled. She was just going to spend the day at home alone. ONE frickin day!
And the mother chose to say with her instead of spend the day with me like we had planned for 2 weeks.
We broke up shortly after that.
That’s not a fun relationship to be in. And I can’t imagine anybody would want that for themselves.
If you can’t even make this slightest of concessions, maybe you shouldn’t even be dating in the first place.
I do disagree kids shouldn’t come first especially at the tender age of 3 or 4.
I firmly believe someone in the kids life should put them first, above all else. Not the whole extended family or friends or the world, just one loved one.
I was put first. I tried like heck to let my kids know they would always be first and foremost with me.
Adults understand this.
Kids not so much.
The man needs to quit asking the internet and talk to the SO and the kid and maybe Mom. And see what is expected. It may be all not necessary.
I don’t think I could pay my kids to sit around and look at photos of them at some preschool party from years back, much less give a shit about who is in them.