I think that circles back to @Jophiel and @LSLGuy 's point that adults need to discuss this stuff. No right or wrong but talk about it and come to some agreement.
Like @puzzlegal suggested, ISTM that relationship was done for anyway and looking for an excuse.
Just saying. There are many(so so many) variations on this theme.
And whichever party is correct or maybe just majorly pissed of, with extenuating circumstances, there’s no way to make sense of these things. Without being in the room.
We can think what we wanna think. Doesn’t make you “in the know”.
Makes you have an opinion. Thats all.
My first instincts said “Wrong!” Even tho’ the kid may remember or not, its right for parents to attend their kids functions.
Whether parents date at this time in their life or don’t is not the issue.
The issue is if the parent has the kid foremost in his mind. No matter what he’s doing in his life.
Well, IMHO would be the place for that.
Yes, it is. Not disputing that.
I assume every “Am I Wrong (The Asshole)?” style Reddit, Tiktok, Insta, etc posting is bullshit for social media clicks anyway and there is no “the real story”. Therefore, just treat it like a thought experiment instead of wondering what the extenuating circumstances were… because there probably weren’t any.
I agree with that
I agree children should be a priority and the parent should attend events their child is a part of (sports, plays, whatever).
But, can you not conceive of any circumstances where missing one event is acceptable and the kid will not be wrecked because you were not in the audience? And also, that does not make the person a bad parent because they missed one thing?
Yeah. I never said any of that.
Of course you can miss an event.
I missed an important event of my older kid* while recoving from a C-section.
Shit happens all the time.
I would never have chosen to. And actually tried to change my delivery day. Surgeon couldn’t accommodate.
(Hmmm 
come to think Son-of-a-wrek is weird, now we know why…)
I think you did say that.
I think there was a discussion in SD years ago about Kindergarten graduation ceremonies. I would be on the WTH side of that argument. Graduation from what? Afternoon naps?
Pre-Kindergarten is even less of an achievement. This is more along the lines of a participation-trophy.
I don’t remember Kindergarten beyond it’s location. I thought the HS graduation was a waste of a good day and I didn’t go to my college graduation. I worked my way through school so it was my choice.
What I DO remember were some of my teachers. Most of them were from the parochial school and were highly dedicated. I just went to the funeral of one of them and that was 55 years later.
Ok. I did say that.
All things being equal, I say the right thing is to attend the kids event. But, I’m willing to give way. I’m not militant about it.
I believe that. But this might be another source of disconnect between the people arguing, because most of us (me included) tend to default to assuming our experiences are universal. And I can’t remember shit from nursery school or kindergarten.
Oh, flashes here and there - watching Kimba the White Lion, enforced nap time, landing palm-first on a piece of broken bottle while playing outside (still have a visible scar). That’s…about it. That was all nursery school - I remember zip from kindergarten per se. No teachers, no names except for one girl that lived in the same shared house as me, no lessons - essentially nothing. I can’t even picture the class room clearly.
We’ve discussed it before, but our ability to remember things from far in the past varies vastly from individual to individual. Which I suppose might support your side of things slightly, because hey - you never know what your kids will end up remembering. I remain convinced a pre-K graduation is pretty meaningless, though I would certainly go if my kid was interested in it. But anecdotes about memory probably aren’t worth much - we’re all wired pretty differently.
I remember nothing of my PhD graduation ceremony. Which correlates well with me not really valuing graduation ceremonies in general.
Hell, we had Ruth Bader Ginsburg at my undergrad commencement ceremony, and I barely remember a lick of it: don’t remember her speech, have only the vaguest impression of being there, certainly don’t remember receiving my diploma.
Kids remember patterns most of all. And they tend not to hold grudges. My WAG is that being there when they are scared of monsters, when they are vomiting, to play catch and to be amazed when they fair and square beat the pants off you at one of those memory match games, matters more.
It’s been noted in this thread already that many of these transition events are not for the child but for the family. I see these huge one year old birthday parties; they are definitely not for the kid! Pre K graduation is just a bit less so than that.
I have a memory of the KG teacher introducing her name by drawing pictures that went with its parts. But that’s it. Zero from preschool or even if I went to preschool. No memories of parents at any school events honestly. I graduated early from HS so never went HS graduation.
I remember a lot of kindergarten, and snatches of nursery school. But i think it’s totally irrelevant whether the kid remembers the event when she’s 60. What matters is whether the kid feels loved and important to her parents in the moment. And attending the event might or might not matter to those feelings, depending on the kid and a lot of other factors.
I sat my butt on uncomfortable chairs or bleechers for 4 kids, for what seemed like a lifetime.
I think all parents need to experience this joy.
Yeah. I think the people saying the kid’s graduation event is silly or doesn’t matter are wrong. But what matters is whether the parent generally shows up for them. Missing one event because of conflicting schedules isn’t going to be the end of the world.
I think the more important aspect is the child’s notion that mom and/or dad are people who love and support them. It is not one thing…it is a lot of things that builds that faith in them. Parents showing up to events is a part of building that faith even if the child can not remember particular events. I don’t think missing one thing will move the needle much but it can become too easy to skip many things. All effort should be made to attend the child’s events. If one or two are missed…not a big deal. Indeed, it is something they should also learn.
The kid will know if you care about them. If missing a recital makes them go bonkers I would suggest there are other problems.
FWIW. After presenting the hypothetical to my wife and youngest child (daughter age 23), and hearing their takes, I suspect almost every real world context would have me supporting the pre K ceremony attendance. They made convincing cases. (The daughter does not remember if they had a ceremony or just a class party or if I was there, but agrees with the argument that such doesn’t matter. And this is the same daughter who was consistently complaining about my embarrassing her at these sorts of events while she went through them!
)
They also both however were strongly supportive of a single parent of a preschooler having a romantic life.