WHY IS MY TOE ITCHING? Damn, I’m about to cut the fucking thing off, lousy piece of shit toe. IS THERE SOME KIND OF NOBEL PRIZE FOR TOE ITCHING I AM UNAWARE OF THAT IT IS COMPETING FOR? And it’s not the whole foot - no other toes have joined in, just the one. The one right next to my big toe. WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE THE BIG TOE? IT ISN’T ITCHING! There’s nothing obviously wrong with it, or at least there wasn’t before I rubbed a raw spot on it from all the itching. WHAT IS YOUR MOTHER FUCKING CRANK-BITING PROBLEM, YOU PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A TOE?
Your toe bit you on the ass? Jiminy crickets—THAT’S a mental image I didn’t need.
P.S. Can you limp out and get some hydrocortisone cream or spray?
:splutter:
I just choked on my own spit. 
Thanks a lot, Legomancer. 
***offers up an axe ***
I recommend alcohol. I mean both rubbing alcohol for the toe, and pain-go-bye-bye alcohol for the mouth.
[Bluto Blutarsky]My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.[/Bluto Blutarsky]
Maybe you’ve got some kind of funky toe rot. Might wanna grab some antifungal cream before you start the alcohol regimen–and can still drive to the store.
What a coincidence. I have “Funky Toe Rot” to finish fourth in the six race at Arlington today!
I hope they get back here by the weekend: they’re scheduled to appear at the Underground Cafe. Heavy Metal, I think.
You can bite your ass with your toe? Not one of my ten will even get near mine! They have no problem biting others’ asses, tho.