God? I prefer the INQUISITOR!

Anyone heard of the legend of the INQUISITOR?

I have, but only as a myth, a dark fable, a horror tale, told across the flickering electrons of internet chat rooms, wherever hardened net heads gather to drink fermented vegetable products and compete in tales of blood-chilling terror!:eek:

The legend tells of a droid - a self-repairing simulant, who survives till the end of eternity, to the end of time itself. After millions of years alone, he finally reaches the conclusion that there is no god, no afterlife, and the only purpose of existence is to lead a worthwhile life. And so the droid constructs a time machine, and roams eternity, visiting every single soul in history, and assessing each one. He erases all those who have wasted their lives and replaces them with those who never had a chance of life - the unfertilized eggs, the sperms that never made it. THAT is the Inquisitor - he prunes away the wastrels, expunges the wretched, and deletes the worthless!

How do you think you would fare if the legend is true and the INQUISITOR arrived to judge you?

Creepy!! A very good fable born from a restless mind, a good valuable for original screenplay purposes, so needed in these days, lacking of imagination in modern cinema.

My first thought would be “okay… so?”

If you’re good- you continue to exist in history. But you’re dead. So you don’t care.

If you’re bad- you never existed at all. Or will you’re dead, then judged. So you don’t care.

Would make a cool movie, but too full of logical holes for a novel.

I can’t take any credit for the INQUISITOR legend. It was proposed in an episode of Red Dwarf a few years back.

Nevertheless, the idea is not only creepy but thought provoking and unprovable. Thus, it fullfills all 3 major requirements for becoming an established religion.:slight_smile:

Hmmm…Well, if where you Inquisitiveidiot, I’d think about changing my ID. WTF is the INQUISITOR gonna think of your handle!:smack:

That I am his zealot, the first true follower of the INQUISITION?

Besides, nobody expects… oh, never mind.

I’d point out to such a droid that in an ultimately futile universe where nothing mattered in the end, nothing anyone did would affect anything permanently one way or the other. Including him. The Inquisitor would then end up judging and deleting himself as a waste of (simulant) flesh.

IMHO, that would have been cooler then what they did on RD, albeit a bit bleak.

Possible I suppose. Equally possible though, is that he takes a long hard look at the second part of your name and think you’re an idiot?

Anyway, I don’t think this dude is gonna want his work to be called inquisition OR judgement. Too much baggage associated with THOSE soudbites. No. We need a new catchism. One that’s unsullied by history…something like PROFILE maybe?


Hmmm…nah. That doesn’t really get to the nub of it for me. I gotta think about this one. Unless you’ve got some ideas?

But nothing you could say would dissaude the INQUISITOR.

As I pointed out in the OP, he has had all of eternity to lead him to his conclusion. Nothing anyone can say/has said/will say is going to deter him from his choosen path. He is implacable in his determination to judge us all.

We must, all of us, satisfy his criterion or suffer deletion!

Just wanted to say that, yes, I caught the reference to Red Dwarf from the thread title alone. Thank you.

Ah, but eventually the Inquisitor subjected itself to its own technique and found itself wanting, thus it engineered its own erasure from the timestream at the hands of its earlier self and its bloke-ie comrade.

Dogface, that simple can’t be true!

When anyone suffers deletion from by the INQUISITOR, it isn’t just their physical form that is deleted. Their life and all memory of them is wiped from history. The void they occupied in the space-time continuum is then allocated to someone else, a person who was never given the gift of life, in the hope that they spend their time more wisely.

So you see, if the INQUISITOR deleted himself, his place would be taken by another INQUISITOR. If the new INQUISITOR did not carry on with the original INQUISITOR’s work, our only knowlege of any INQUISITOR would only be of a guy who likes to see his name capitalized. Well, we know a lot more than that about the INQUISITOR, so the original must still exit and must still be performing his great work.

Does “The Inquisitor” time-travelling explain the series’ continuity errors, or is that just the charm of British television?

No, there is no time-travelling done by the crew in that episode. Many of the continuity errors are explainable, and many others are “explained” (I use that term loosely) by the disclaimer “The same generation - nearly” in the first episode of season 3. There’s also time-travelling in Timeslides, which might explain some of the rest.

Actually, all continuity problems were explained by Kryten in the Smeg Up tape. To wit: “Because we made a mistake! Okay!?!”

No-one has mentioned what I consider to be the really nifty thing about the Inquisitor concept. The Inquisitor doesn’t judge whether you’re worthless by any standard. When the visor is lifted you have to justify your existence to yourself.