God said, "Put on a bra, you slut!"

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

FRANKENMUTH, Mich. (AP)—Dana Colwell had more than an uplifting experience with her bust-enhancing bra. She considers it a real lifesaver. While cutting her grass Tuesday, the 31-year-old Frankenmuth woman was hit in the chest by a 1-1/2-inch nail that shot out from under her mower and punctured her right breast. Doctors say the injury would have been far worse had it not been for extra padding in Colwell’s “liquid-curved” bra. “If I would’'t have put the bra on, I probably would be dead,” she told The Saginaw News for a story Friday. “I love that bra. When I got up to put my clothes on, I almost didn’t wear the bra. But a higher power told me to put it on.”

—I just love the Higher Power telling her to wear a bra. Not just ANY bra, but her uplift “liquid-curved” bra! Isn’t his eye supposed to on the sparrow, and not on Dana’s boobies?

2

Heeheehee… that’s way too funny.

And here I thought that the fact I had to pin the top of my bridesmaids dress on Saturday meant that I had a lack of boobage. Guess it was a Higher Power’s way of telling me I need a “liquid curving” bra!

3

So now i gotta wear a bra when i’m mowing the lawn? I’m not even a girl!

4

Okay . . . I can see wearing one of those things to the mall, or the grocery store, but while mowing the frickin’ lawn? Who was she trying to impress, the grass?

5

I remeber reading about a woman,
I think in England,
that got shot in her breast,
but survived because she had silicone implant.

I now start to wounder,
how will I survive,
no implant and no bra…:wink:

6

But it will save your life!

Who should be doing the Public Service Announcements for this safety issue?

Pamela Anderson Lee?
Halle Berry?
Hugh Jackman?

7

I guess this is the modern equivalent of The Beaver’s mom wearing pearls and an evening dress while cooking dinner or cleaning the house.

8

There ya have it. Proof that God’s a sadist, in every sense of the word. (S)He doesn’t just take delight cruelty, (S)He actually derives sexual gratification from it.

9

too bad J. Edgar Hoover is dead.

maybe one of the Kids in the Hall will work, or RuPaul.

10

I’m picturing the clouds opening up over Frankenmuth, Michigan, and a Monty Python-esque cartoon God with beard and all pointing down and booming, “DANA . . PUT ON A BRA . . NO, NOT THAT ONE—THE LIQUID CURVED UPLIFT ONE!”

11

Inquiring minds want to know:

What is the liquid contained in the liquid curved bra?
Does it stain?
Was her blouse ruined?
How deeply was her breast punctured by the 1 1/2" nail?
Did she need a tetanus shot?
When the “higher power” instructed her to wear her “liquid curved” bra, did it also advise her to wear her silver stilletto heels?

12

Sure, the lawn needed aerating too…

13

Hey, if I try to do anything without a bra, it could be dangerous for anyone within hitting distance.

Mind you, I don’t need any extra padding of any kind in my bra either.

14

<—no longer willing to admit being a Michigander…

15

But God also said, “Let there be breasts!”

16

thank you, eve. this has been most informative.

fierra, good one! my thoughts exactly.

17

Cite, please?

18

I’m just trying to figure out the physics of this. How does a nail come out from a mower and hit someone in the chest? God may have told her to wear a bra, but the manual that came with the mower would have told her not to stand in the path of the discharge chute.

19

Am I the only person who had to read Anniz’s post about ten times before they realized it wasn’t a bizarre little poem?

20

Me too…I thought it was going to be a limerick, like
There was an old woman in Britain
Who got hit by the mower in the ti–

You can take it from there.