God was a typo. Worship Dog.

I thought I’d make my grand entrance to the boards with a bit of preaching. This is payback for all of you stealing my soul and a substantial amount of my free time.

So, as I mentioned. God was a typo. Worship Dog. Not that you should need telling. Everyone loves dogs. Those of you who don’t don’t count because you are obviously mentally unstable. When you love someone you would supposedly do anything for them, right? So everyone would do anything for dogs, which is why they rule and also why someone wrote a book in Dog’s own hand dedicated to his worshipabilitiness. That’s also why there are so many typos in the “Bible”. Dog’s own hand is a paw. The name itself was a typo. It’s meant to be the Holy Bulb, not the Holy Book, hence all the exclamations of “Have you seen the light?!”.

Typos. The thing’s full of them. Another example would be this “Satan” dude. The spelling of the name is remarkably similar to that of the jolly fat man in red, is it not? What does that tell you? I think it explains a lot. You know how Eve was meant to have been tempted to eat the forbidden fruit by that snake, which some say was the devil? Well, first of all, the Antidog is the cat and not the serpent. Secondly, you must all be aware that to this day children are anually led into temptation by Santa, and this behaviour is encouraged by everyone else! This has been going on for generations. Is it any wonder the world is so corrupt?

It’s ironic how yet another typo can bring you charming and intelligent people so close to the truth but, for want of a single letter, leave you as ignorant as… someone ignorant. So I ask you, next time you feel the need to utter an “Og smash!” just keep in mind that your pet may take you seriously. I suggest you hide anything breakable you don’t want to lose.

Hellfire and Milk Bone, eh?

Woof. Looks like everyone missed my grand entrance :frowning:

I’m confused. Who is the son og dog?

We are all children of Dog. But have you ever heard the phrase “Son of a bitch!”? That’s angry people being angry because they’re jealous of the person who they have identified as the Son of Dog. Although some people seem to have extended it to be used solely as an insult.

What does the expression dog eat dog actually mean then?

It means every man for himself. Except men are referred to as dogs because we are all children of Dog. The bit about eating was metaphorical, not taking into consideraton the obvious exception of cannibals.

I think I’ve got it now.

For example, the Dog of Venice wasn’t really a magistrate at all. He was some kind of omnipotent canine deity.

Hell yeah! People are too blinded by their faith in their imaginations to see the physical evidence of canine godliness. And by godliness I do in fact mean Dogliness.

What about those guys who wandered all over the place following Jesus (sp?). Were they apostles or Dogsbodies?

Have you seen Monty Python’s Life of Brian? Perfect illustration of misguided people looking for someone to follow.

Where do the different canine breeds come into the scheme of things? Do Catholics worship the greyhound and Protestants pray to the Chihuahua? Or is that an over-simplification?

Forgive me, I don’t know anything about religion whatsoever.

You are forgiven for being uneducated, but not for being racist. Er, breed-ist.

I’m not entirely satisfied with your last two responses. They are nothing if not vague.

My people have run your profile through The Computer and you have been identified as an ex-politician who was involved in a scandal so unspeakable that you are now only employable by the Church.

You may redeem yourself by giving the canonical interpretation of the religious phrase dog-eared as it relates to the turning down of pages in a Holy Book.

Firstly, you shouldn’t do that to books. It hurts their feelings. And if it’s a HOLY book, like the paw-written transcription of the Holy Bulb you will be smitten by Dog himself. The concept of dog-eared books is rather self explanatory, however. Some people believe the folded down corner of a page is called this because it resembles the ear of a dog. This is an understandable interpretation, but there is more to it. Real Dogians can immediately tell you that the reason they are called this is because knowledge of Everything has passed through Dog’s ears, and this folding of pages is symbolic of this knowledge. A lot of knowledge can be found in books and turning down corners like that demonstrates that you have control over this knowledge, as Dog has control over the knowledge of Everything.

Oh, and I’ve never been in politics.

This thread has left me feeling whelpless.

Careful for idle hands are Bob Barker’s playthings.

You know, I think he may be on to something here.

The bolded typo sounds scary! :eek: (Oh, and welcome!)