Goddam Teenagers?!?!?!

The BBQ Pit
81

First off… when I refer to college as the best years of yor life… its not b/c I haven’t done anything worthwhile since… its just that those years tend to me some of the most formative years of one’s life. It is during this time that most people form the friends they will have for the rest of their lives, as well as the career path they choose. This is also the time when people tend to really learn the most about themselves. My point with that is that you can miss out on a lot of learning if you arent open to new experiences. Being comitted to some guy from your past who is miles and miles away is a great way to miss out on many things. I still remember the people who went home every weekend at college… they never did quite fit in or get the whole experience. I had a great time in college, and done many great things since… but I am the person I am today because I was open to everything around me in college.

I also never suggested that she spend her entire time getting drunk and fucking… that was your own interpretation Manda…

As far as missing out by not being in a monogamous relationship… i agree completely. But if you have read the thread you will see they are having far from what anyone would consider a comitted, heavy time investment, monogamous relationship… in fact some people might call their relationhip unhealthy. Along the same lines… I think you should experience semi-long relationships with several people… like you have illustrated about those you know who have been married then divorced and married again… it helps you to find out what you want out of yourself and your mate. Can you really know much about any of this if you spend your entire life with the first guy you are ever even semi-serious about?

When it all boils down to it… this is just my opintion… but I like to think that I am a hightly sensable person, and very well thought out. I do not say these things out of ignorance, I’m just trying to fight it by showing my POV… which just happens to be extrememly negative on this topic.

82

Like what?

How so? by being apart? nimune would beg to differ. By marrying young? OpalCat would beg to differ.

83

Well, I sure as hell hope that DuhMan wasn’t referring to my relationship, whether for marrying young OR for having to spend time apart.

84

Actually, it is not. I know very few people who are doing what they thought they would be doing when they attended college. Nor are relationships formed in college the only signifigant ones you have. This idea of college as a unique, special, irreplaceable time in your life is a media creation. College is different for everyone, and no set of experiences is “right”. Hell, the 60% of the population that never goes to college seems to be toiling along just fine. Furhtermore, I just don’t see where you thinkg this relationship is “unhealthy”. Certainly, relic comes across as being very young and immature, but what she’s doing is part of the proces many people go through to get from immature to less immature.

And this is exactly what she is doing–surely you don’t expect people to go into those “semi-long” relationships thinking “This is for 18 months, then I am oughta here” do you? The relic and relic’s boyfriend that exisit today will be completly gone in a few years, replaced by new people that have been going through intense changes. There is a good chance that those new people will not like each other, but there is also a pretty good chance that they will. And if it works out, the experiences they have lost–dating other people more–will be compensated by haveing the experience of changing with the person you always stay with.

The geting drunk and fucking line was actually Coldfire’s, and I think it is relevant because she is going to contine to have relationships, they just won’t be sexual. She is not moving into a cave on a mountainside. I had half a dozen intense relationships in college that contributed to my “finding myself” which were not even vaugely sexual. Do you really think that only people who are getting laid are developing? If anything, her fiancee’s absense is a good thing, because it will force her to develop these relationships as an individual, not as a part of a whole. I’d prefer such an arrangement if it were my daughter because it will give her the space she needs to explore.

85

Ok… I’m done with this thread… there is obviously no sense in me continuting to go through this back and forth bullshit. You go ahead and do what you want relic, but I’ll still bet dollars to donuts with anyone that I’m right about this one. Make sure you make another post here when you and Navy boy break up, I’ll be checking daily because it won’t take long. Only time will tell I guess…

86

Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll die before our love does!

87

Ok, for what it’s worth here’s the view of a navy guy (currently at sea missing his wife) who is VERY happily married. Further to that, I was married for the first time when I was young (20) and it didn’t work out for various reasons. Don’t panic Relic, it’s not a lecture or a warning, just my take on things :).
First of all… ignore DuhMan…. He is a very sad individual indeed and I doubt he will ever find the love and happiness you have found with your man. He is really not worthy of any of your typing time! Some of his points are just sooo pathetic. According to him I’m not worthy of a relationship because I go to sea, I’m a lesser person because I never went to college, my marriage is doomed from the start, and I’m making a mistake for marrying the girl I love!! BOLLOCKS!!! I’m not going to waste any more of my time on him, for all that he says he knows, he really knows sweet FA!
Right, got that out of my system :).
In my experience age has little to do with how your life and relationships will turn out. I was married young and did get a divorce, but that’s not to say it was either a mistake or that I regret it. It gave me a lot of valuable experience, certainly a lot more valuable than any experience I gained while being single and jumping in and out of other relationships. That’s one argument I’ve never really followed, I think the true test of a relationship is time, short-term relationships will never prepare you for that. If you think you have found the right person then IMHO it would be foolish to risk loosing them in a bid to make sure they are the right one. You love him so keep him!
As far as being parted goes, well I know (as does my wife) how that feels. It’s no fun and kinda leave you feeling empty. As for me, I spend all my time away thinking of my wife and what we are going to do when I get home. You ladies may not realise just how important it is to us to know that you are at home waiting for us. To me it’s everything!
I am casting my mind back to my wedding vows, and for the life of me I can’t remember every having said, “ I do solemnly swear to give up on having new experiences and/or meeting new people”. For crying out load people, marriage is about love commitment to a person. It is not a way of life that precludes anything that doesn’t involve your partner! Personally I love meeting new folk and the only change I don’t have to put up with any stupid sexual tension because I have no intentions of jumping in bed with them. (When I say “them” I’m only referring to the women;)). And I look forward to new experiences even more knowing I’ll get to share them with the woman I love.
So Relic, go with your heart and with that of your man. If you feel it is the right thing for you both then I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world!
A last note to Nimue…. Your man is very lucky indeed and you can be sure he knows it and treasures every minute he has with you! :slight_smile:
As for getting a tough time for being a teenager….lol, live with it, we have all been there!:wink:

88

Thanks, SeaDog! When I saw your name, I knew you had to be in the Navy. Your wife is a lucky woman.

You know what, Everyone? I learned something from this thread. I learned that there are more kind, caring people in this world than there are condecending assholes. The problem is that you remember the condecending assholes better because they tear at your heart. Wounds don’t take much effort to make, but you tend not to notice the healing. The next time someone tears at my heart I will remember all of you, and thank God for you for this healing then, just as much as I thank Him for you now. You are all gentle souls, and are garunteed a place in Heaven. God bless you.

Ariele

89

First of all, I am not coming into this thread claiming to know everything about life. If anything, I have fewer experiences and maturity than most of the other posters upon this board; however, to take the place of this threads parriah:

In middle school, especially in late seventh and eighth grade, I used to hear kids talking in class about parties, drinking, just starting to explore sex to some extent, etc., and I would just simply go on reading my book or studying, convinced of the way that I would “win in the end” by working hard, not going to parties, drinking, etc. As I entered high-school through my Freshman and even through the first month of this year, my Sophmore year, I got my first “clique.” A few months later, I just started eating lunch away from them, “grew apart,” whatever. Finally towards the end of my Freshman year, I finally started going to parties, drinking, etc. I am not saying that this is some sort of new plateau of awarness or being, but I realize now that back in middle school, I was really just repressing my desire to experiment with parties, alcahol, sex, etc. Sure, it is possble that you really have matured much beyond this stage, I really find myself sort of doubting this line.

How can yu be so sure that you do not just want to have some classical, pop-culture, media oriented, “fun” in college? It sunds to me like your fiance is incredibly understanding if you want to take this opportunity, even if it is only for your Freshman year, a couple of months, or even just one party.

Just try it.

I am not trying to say that this is the only way to have “fun” or be satisfied in life, if anything, creating a long term relationship in life would probably be a lot more rewarding in the end; just do not pass up an opportunity to at least sample something briefly. So I can just suggest, try a party with an open mind, see what its like, and if you would rather spend time with your fiance, that’s cool too. But at least know what precisely it is you are choosing not to partake in, such as exploring some relationships (definitely not necessarily sexual) with others beyond your fiance.

90

Well first of relic i think your marrage will work out just great and i hope it last you a life time due to the fact that i cant wait for that life time with you to begin. i know that the last three years we have know each other have been very close and we have help each other trough many hard times. In the next 3 years our love will be put to the test but such is life. I know that you and I are are young. But what most people on this message board think is if you are young and far away from each other you havent a chance in hell that you will have a great relationship. but for all you that do read this i only have one point to make and that is this.

if at any time we feel we dont want to go through with this marrage then we understand that there is always a tomorrow so we know we can wait but i think it is best said that we love each other bottom line end of story... any problem with that. oh well! I know my feeling and she knows hers good luck to anyone out there on finding a weakness in this love. because both she and i know that our love is unbreakable.

Sailor boy
aka
David

91

Thats my baby!! :smiley:
I love you, Sailorboy…
'cause you’re my guy…
relic_11
A.K.A.
Ariele

92

Duhman said:

My, what an interesting way of viewing a message board. So, instead of this ‘back and forth bullshit’, all posts following yours should laud your genius?

Don’t bother arguing, I know a thousand guys just like you. They’re all obnoxious assholes with little dicks whose explanations aren’t worth my time, so I’ll ignore yours to.

Fuckwit.

–John

93

Hugs and kisses SeaDog!!!

Welcome to the SDMB sweetie pie!!! What a wonderful surprise!!
Can’t wait to see you in three days!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

94

AWWWWWWW! SeaDog, Nimune, Sailorboy and me, relic are in a battle of AWWWWWWWWWWW’s! May the best couple win!

Nimune, ain’t we lucky? :smiley:

95

Why is it so important that people go party and kill their brain cells? Yes, I so want to look like a jack-ass when I get drunk. And of course, I want to have promiscuous sex. STDs!? BAH! That’s for other people, not me! Pregnancy?! BAH! I can get an abortion.

You know what? I know you were all referring to relic. But guess what? Fuck you. I don’t have to destroy my brain cells, look like an asshole, act like an asshole, and risk my life because I should “live a little before I get married.” What the fuck does that mean? Once I’m married, we won’t be able to go out? Once I’m married, I won’t be able to party (if I so desire)? Apparently, once I get married I will be permanently pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen, right? I don’t think so. I have never had the desire to do something as stupid as partying every fucking weekend. And yes, all of you who do that? I’m calling you stupid. So I don’t want any of you “Well, I do that. Am I stupid?!” The answer is, “Yes!”
And I’m sorry your life is so empty that you feel you must fill it with drugs, alcohol, and sex. Some of us have real friends, and we can stand being around each other without destroying our brains. Some of us have a life that doesn’t involve drugs. And some of us enjoy the company of the opposite of sex without having sex.
In other words, some of us have a different definition of “fun”.

96

** Relic ** you sound pretty damn well adjusted and secure in where you are. Unfortunately:

You brought Nazis into it.
You lose.
End the engagement now, and go get yourself plastered.
:wink:

97

Thanks for the first part, as for the second, I don’t like getting plastered, how about aluminum siding? :wink:

98

Good for you Pepperlandgirl, it seems to me that you have at least experienced another definition of fun. If you don’t like it, whatever. It’s not like were pounding on your door at three AM dressed like Jehhovas witnesses, telling you that the only way to true happiness in life is a party. Far from it. Had you read my previous posts, I quite explicitly stated that, in the end, most of us will be trying to obtain what Relic and Sailorboy already seem to have. Just take a page from Buddhism. Happiness can only be found through ending desire, not by living totally without shallow, materialistic things (parties + a viscereal sense of “fun”) nor totally indulging yourself in it. I just see high school and college as a chance to experience some of this definition of “fun” without being overly tied down by responsibilities such as children or spouses. To me, it looks like Sailorboy would understand if Relic wished to experience this in college with the relationship coming out of college as well as his tour of duty perhaps stronger with both parties more “well rounded.”

You make it sound as if parties and studying were mutually exclusive. I go to on average perhaps .75 parties a week and have managed to maintain a weighted GPA of well over 4.5, take two AP classes, AP Statistics and Human Geography, my Sophmore year, and generally not be constantly overhung or trying to get drunk all year long. Plus, its not like Bill Gates was a total failure was it? Beyond being succesful in the monetary sense, he seems to have a relatively solid marriage.

Again, moderation. It isn’t necessary to get totally wasted at a party to have fun, sometimes just one or two drinks is more than enough. Also, it isn’t necessary to do studpid shit like have unprotected sex to have sex.

You choose not to partake. I do. You don’t have to be such a bitch about it.

I have expressed in all of my posts respect for your decisions, I am simply asking if you have possibly overlooked something in making it. If you truly have a rounded view about this view of fun and have decided it is not for you, great. Go have fun in life. You do not have to call everbody else worthless pieces of shit just for choosing to partake in this sense of fun.

99

Relic, Sailorboy… I have seldom seen a more well rounded and sensible approach to marriage! I think there are a lot of (so called) adults who could learn from you both.
In all fairness, a lot of the negative points that have been brought up here are valid, and mostly well intended, they are worth of note to you both. That is not to say they are a reason not to get married, but they are something to be wary of in the future. Just keep on talking to eachother as you do and never hold anything back. You have good times and bad ahead, it’s up to you how good and bad they are. Treasure your time together, the happy memories help when you are apart.
In reflection…
Too young? Wise heads on young shoulders, you both know what you want.
Missing out on parties? No need to miss out, I just don’t get why people think you will!
Needing more experience / partners? I personally, would rather make love to someone I adore (thats you Nimue:)) a hundred times, than to a hundred different women I don’t really know or care about.
Will you change as you grow older? Yes. We all do, and that never stops happening, it’s not reserved for the young.

All my best wishes go to both of you on the adventure you are about to undertake :slight_smile:

100

Way to wrap up a thread, SeaDog.