First you attack my wife’s legs while she’s sitting at the computer chatting with her friend. That’s bad enough but you make me look like a fool as I attempt to play the valiant knight and vanquish the evil insect. But no, you had to be a fucking bitch and avoid me entirely while at the same time biting her from time to time.
Oh, but that wasn’t enough for you was it? Mrs. Gibson goes to sleep and you follow her into the goddam bedroom. Nevermind that she’s got to be at work by 4 a.m. on the 4th of fucking July! You followed her in there and proceeded to bite her on her legs and her elbows. The only one who bites my wife while she’s in bed is me! Fuck you you goddam piece of shit insect!
Oh but you got yours. At 11:00 p.m. Mrs. Gibson came into the living room and told me all about it. She showed me your crushed corpse and proceeded to throw you in the trash where you belonged. I thought about taking a leak on your grave but realized that my kitchen trashcan just wasn’t the place for that kind of behavior. So in farewell to you little mosquito I say fuck you and I’m glad you’re dead.
One time I was in Spain with my sister. I fell asleep outside of the covers in my boxers and my sister was all the way under the sheets with her head covered. She woke up and opened the window because she was hot(I wonder why).
I woke up shortly after and flipped on the bedside lamp. There were mosquitos everywhere and I was the main course. I closed the window, grabbed a book, and proceed to hunt down and slaughter every single one. My sister woke up to the sound of exploding mosquitos. “What are you doing?!?!” “Shut up! This is all your fault!”
More gratifying than killing the lil’ fuckers was marveling at the dime size splatters of blood, my blood, that I left on the walls for the maid. 14 of 'em, on white walls. De nada.
I came home once on leave at Christmas time. Spent half the night waving away that bzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeee sound those little bastards make when they’re flying around your ear. In Minnesota. In FREAKIN’ DECEMBER!!!
A few years later I travelled from Pensacola, FL to St. Cloud, MN via CA, OR, and the Black Hills. When did I first get bit by one of those little fucking corpuscle suckers? 25 miles across the MN state line!!
I go to softball games and try to converse with other people, who are just sitting there, enjoying the game, having a good time, while I am constantly waving around, trying to bat the little needle-vulvas out of my face.
I try, I really do … long sleeves, jeans, DEET, poisoning my blood with nicotine and beer; but still they come, using my ears and fingertips as target practice.
I met my ex- though the marvels of those little bastards.
I love to cook and I love to season my food heavily. I use a lot of garlic. Seems the little siphons don’t care for that, so they tend to go after everyone but me.
Makes you stand out when everyone else is swatting and batting at things and you just stand there blissfully downing your g&t. Speaking of…
speaking as one who works with mosquitoes every day…
If there is just one mosquito buzzing you when you try to sleep, the best thing to do is put your entire body under the covers except for your arm. let the bastard feed on your exposed arm and it will stop hassling you. If you fight it, eventually you will fall asleep from exhaustion and the mozzie will get you anyway.
Take it from one who knows.
MM
Especially because I’m very allergic and a single bite can swell up to a hive about eight inches across. And I am not exaggerating in the least. So every time I go out it’s long sleeves, long pants and plenty of repellant. (Garlic, which I adore and eat plenty of, just seems to make me tastier.) However, when I went to work in the garden on Sunday I forgot to apply any to my face and one of the devil’s insects nailed me on the cheek. It wasn’t pretty. The swelling had just about all disappeared by this afternoon when what happens? Another one bites me on the arm… inside my own freaking house! :mad: No windows open, no doors open, nothing. Must of tunneled in just to get me.
*[sub]'Cause only females bite.[/sub]
Yeah, committed the folly of wearing a skirt to the park the other day.
I ended up holding up full soda cans in the Iron Cross position for, like 15 minutes (don’t ask) when a mosquito flew up my skirt. As my boyfriend was occupied, there was no one I could ask to help, and now I have a bite on my upper thigh.
Speaking of which, it’s red in the middle, pink all around and has a red upraised squiggle going away from the middle. It’s making me worried it’s the flesh eating disease, or some kind of parasitic worm. Damn mosquitos, you make me itch AND you make me paranoid.
De nada.
