Fucking virus, will you go away and leave me the hell alone already? I’ve had enough…bad enough I can’t sleep because you put my nose on overdrive right before I go to bed, bad enough I can’t taste anything, now you hit me with the horrible sounding coughs! Stop it stop it stop it! I want to be well already! I can’t take anymore cold medicine!
All I want is to feel better and to be able to enjoy a pipe. Nothing worse than trying to smoke a pipe with a cold. Lousy stupid virii…
I know how you feel, and you have my deepest sympathies. I woke up yesterday morning to what has already become the worst cold of my life. As soon as I open my eyes, heck even before, I knew something was wrong. Want to know how? Simple. I couldn’t fucking swallow with out exceptional amounts of pain. To trot out the old analogy, it felt like I had been rubbing the back of my throat with sandpaper and battery acid. This was accompanied by chills, fever, a massive headache (it literally felt like my brain was swelling), muscle aches and prodigious amounts of snot. I mean very prodigious. Work that evening was pure hell. The worst part though? I had a midterm the next morning. Well, after a fitful night of study, sleep, study, sleep, ad infinitum, I went and wrote it. I went down in flames, absolute flames. The worst part is that I really don’t care at all. That should have me worried, but yet it doesn’t. Funny that.
So, I got home around 10:30 in the morning, and promptly began to cough. It was just a brief spell, but surely a hallmark of things to come. I hope not though, because I coughed up the worst tasting phlegm I have ever tasted (not that I’ve tasted much, mind you). It was reminiscent of what I feel warm fermenting monkey would taste like, only more so. I started to gag, and only managed to hang on to the contents of my stomach by the narrowest of margins. After this I felt sleep was the best option. Nope. Wrong, very wrong. When I awoke, it felt as if ice picks had been slammed into my ears. The ache was so bad that even my jaw muscles are sore. There is only one good reason for ones jaw muscles to be sore, and brother, this isn’t it. The ringing is interesting though. I’ve always wondered what it would sound like to stick my head in a beehive. Now I know, and with the added bonus of not being stung. Oh joy!
I really hope I get better soon, because this has been a hellish month. Remind me to tell you about my small case of food poisoning that I had the other week, also just before another midterm, just for my convenience. I won’t go into details right now, but let me just say that it felt like my stomach was fist fucking my colon. Urrggh. I’m a walking disaster area disaster and it’s not due to excessive drink. Nertz.
On the bright side though, maybe I’ll just be the next Typhoid Mary. Hey, a boy can dream, can’t he?