Sure it was. To be in relation is, well, to have a form of relationship.
An online relationship might not necessarily be as fulfilling as a meatspace relationship, it certainly affords fewer opportunities for snuggles, but it’s no less ‘real’. At least not necessarily. There is, of course, a much greater chance of meeting a 40 year old man pretending to be a 16 year old girl, online, than falling for such a ploy in meatspace.
And doesn’t a “real” relationship offer the same opportunities for “idealization and fantasy”? How many times has a relationship ended with “they weren’t the person I thought they were”?
Put me down as someone who met their partner on the net (though now ex-partner). I have met quite a few people on the net, some of which I have actually met in meatspace. Most of the people I have met on the net I regard as having "real relationships with. It may only be friendship but I still regard those people just as much friends as I would if I have actually met them, and they think the same of me.
I have worked in jobs where I have spoken to people over the phone but still have managed to become friends with them, are those relationships any less “real”?
The net has introduced a new way of interacting with people and just like “real” relationships sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you meet people who are only out to take you for a ride and sometimes you meet a friend for life.
My mother had a pen-pal in America for over 20 years before they met, yet they exchanged gifts and told each other about their families and what was going on in their lives, was their relationship any less “real”?
I think Waverly got it right, the medium is limited, and any relationships you have exclusively through it are similarly limited. That’s not to say those relationships aren’t “real” but they’re certainly not as complete as when you meet in real life, or even when you talk on the phone.
I met my wife online, and we chatted online for a week or two before meeting. It’s a nice way to get a sense of a person’s personality, their interests and so on, but it only goes so far.
Dear jsgoddess, My name is Mr. James Mugu and I am the Vice President of the Lagos National Bank in Lagos Nigeria. I am curently seeking for a trustworthy forreign partner to help with a business proposition involving $5,700,000 (FIVE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLAR). I have ben reliably inform that you are a very trustworthu person and I believe that you will be perfect to assist with some modalities involve with facilitaiong this business deal. For your help in assissting with thees modalities you will recieve the sum of $5,000,000 (FIVE MILLION US DOLLAR).
You see a very wealthy SWEDISH investor in Lagos National Bank has been tragically kill in a plane crash and he has left no heir. I have been commission to find a surving relative in the US to receive the sum of $5,700,00 (FIVE MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLAR) as a proxy to his next of kin. Having been unable to find any other kin I have sought instead to find a reliable and TRUSTWORTHY American partner to receive the sum instead. In order to facilitate the modalities involved I will need the Following items:
YOUR HOME PHONE NUMBER
YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER
YOUR FAX NUMBER
ALL OF YOUR BANKING INFORMATION INCLUDING ACCOUNT NUMBER AND pIN nUMBER
YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER
YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE NUMBER
A FACSIMILE OF YOUR PASSPORT
When I have all these informations in hand I will then be able to transfer the entire sum of $5,700,000 (FIVE MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED US DOLLAR) into your bank account. I will then ask that you send to me $700,000 (SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLAR) via WESTERN UNION and for your part you may keep the remainder sum of $5,000,000 (FIVE MILLION US DOLLAR).
I must inform that this matter is VERY URGENT and that we only have a short time to facilitate the modalities so that yu may recieve your sum of FIVE MILLION US DOLLAR. This matter is also VERY SENSITIVE so I must ask that you do not inform any other persons of our business transaction until the modalities are completed.
Yours in crist
Mr. james Mugu
Vice President, Lagos National Bank
Lagos Nigeria.
But you see, some of these things that differentiate online relationships from real ones are very much what makes them that much more the same. If I’m rewriting an IM or e-mail, its normally because I’m not quite sure how that person is going to take it. When it comes to a “real” conversation, there’s less likely to be that ambiguity because of the non-verbal communication. But there’s similar non-written communication in the virtual realm: How long did it take them to respond (minutes in IM, or days/weeks/months in e-mail)? Are they using emoticons? How about their spelling, grammar, and capitalization… does it change with his/her emotions?
In fact, I think in some ways SOME online relationships can be more real. Sometimes it can be easier to talk to someone to whom you feel rather close, but is still pretty much a stranger, about some personal matters that you wouldn’t otherwise talk to people who “actually know you in real life”. These certainly don’t replace a friend that can actually talk to you and console you; and of course, a person online doesn’t have to do a thing to be a “good listener”. They could be ignoring the long IMs or e-mails about your personal life, or just skimming through it; they don’t have to be physically there and participating like a friend in person.
My experience has been generally positive when it comes to meeting people in person I’ve met online. The few (two, I think) with whom I’d been chatting online for a long period of time were people I felt I knew well, one turned out exactly as I expected, one did not (but, as it turned out, that person was shady and I would have probably been similarly disappointed had we originally met in person). I’ve met a few others after chatting over a short period (a couple weeks, maybe a month or two at most), and those went fine as well. In fact, I think its easier to meet people in person if I’ve only been chatting with them online briefly because I have fewer expectations of who that person is. It ends up being little different than running into someone, having a brief conversation, and exchanging numbers to meet later.
Either way, to keep from being a slight hijack, I agree with most of the other posts. The only reason I think this guy backed out was because he was just scared or, more likely, was lying about something. Either way, don’t let this get you too down. You could just as easily have met a guy in a bar who is married, doesn’t tell you, and when you try to get more serious, ends it in a similar way. The only other things he could be lying about online is how he looked, or his age… that sort of thing. Either way, he’s a jerk because he was inconsiderate of your feelings.
Gosh, I keep forgetting that conmen and scammers were invented by the internets.
And no one has ever lied to my face, ever. I’ve never met a dishonest person face to face. That there Al Gore invented 'em.
It sucks rocks that there’s no way to report a post for being … is there a word for “stupider than moronic?” Something that would describe a post as being so stupid that people in comas are rolling their eyes at it?
Anyhow, it’s unfair that there isn’t.
You beat me to it. That was the type of re-fucking-tarded post I’d expect from one of the guests that come in and spew a few dozen posts completely lacking any ability to debate or think logically and then disappear into the ether once they’ve been beaten up enough. I don’t know you, DtC, but after that I’m glad. Utterly moronic.
Yeah, right, I’m the stupid one. :rolleyes:
Go ahead, live in your dreamworlds. Everybody on the interenet is exactly what they seem to be and you never have to actually meet them to have a relationship with them.
What the fuck ever.
Yes, because “DtC posted like his brain had been transmuted into tapioca” is exactly equal to “No one ever lies.”
You just keep implying that we’re all stupid, and we’ll keep pointing and laughing. I am more pleased than you can imagine that you’re not a one-trick pony; you provide months of entertainment because your drivel is so varied.
Could someone please explain exactly what I’ve said that they disagree with? I’m saying you can’t really know someone if you only ever talk to them online. Does anyone disagree with that?
Nobody ever said everybody on the internet is exactly what they seem to be. But you’re comparing jsgoddess’s husband, who I’d venture to guess she knows a bit better than you, to an e-mail scammer, which is assholsih. There’s a difference between “not everybody on the internet is what they appear” and “nobody on the internet is what they appear”.
I wasn’t trying to compare her husband to a scammer, I was just trying to make a more general point about trusting people online. I thought it was fallacious for her to try to argue that just because her husband was what he appeared to be that it was therefore assholish for me to suggest that you shouldn’t assume that you know people you interact with online until you meet them. They might be what they seem to be. They might not. You don’t know until you meet them. That’s my only point.
What’s your only point, again?
Those statements are all making essentially the same point, dipshit.
I see at least two points.
Then you’re a retard.
Classy.
As a side note to all of this: there are people on the two bbs I frequent that I am content to know only through the bb. These are not people whom I dislike or think little of; most of them are friendly, intelligent and nice. But I don’t want the relationship to “deepen” or progress. I like having them as online buds. I have not chosen them the same way I have picked my RL friends.
When I have agreed to meet these same people, I find I have nothing to say to them, really–I don’t know them as people. That sounds crazy, but it’s true. I may know about this one’s impending divorce and that one’s new job etc, but I don’t know them in some very crucial ways. Has anyone else had this experience? It’s not that the bb people aren’t good people, but there’s a false sense of intimacy garnered by communicating online that does not hold up (at least for me) upon initial RL meetings. There is one woman on another bb I go to that I have become friends with–but that was after several phone calls and 2 meetings with her. It is not a natural progression, at least for me.
For every successful online romance, there is bound to be just as much hearbreak and scamming–even if the scamming is not financial, but just mindfucking with someone. The anonymity of the place encourages that kind of behavior, IMO. Social mores are not as prevalent or persuasive online.
As for the OP-that sucks. Can the knowledge that you acted in good faith and decently provide any comfort to you? Probably not at present, but someday it might.
I’ve noticed that every thread in which Diogenes posts inflammatory comments, the attention always turns to him instead of what the original poster has to say. Essentially, every Pit thread feels like a vehicle for Diogenes’ attention-seeking behavior rather than an adult discussion of the topic at hand.
Maybe I expect too much.