Internet Romance

I’ve been Pondering something for quite a while, but I can’t get it off my mind. Do Interenet Romance really work out? Personally I have a friend who met a guy in Arizona and ended up marrying him and have had two children. On the other hand I have known people who go somewhere to meet their internet flame and it’s blown out because it just doesn’t work like it does on the net. Is the net an alternate demention where things work out a lot easier or is it a blanket that blinds you from the truth. Let me know about your experiences cause I wonder if I should pursue a girl I have just met recently online.

I have no first hand knowledge of internet romance but I do have an internet friend that just moved from the east coast to the west coast to be with a man she met on line.

I mention this only because last month I spent 2 weeks in California and met both of them face to face, as well as meeting another half dozen folks I had been corresponding with for 2 years and everyone of them was the same in person as they were on line.

I might just be lucky - but that’s my input.

I have a couple friends who met people over the internet and ended up marrying them. I know a third who is engaged to man she met via an internet ad. It appears to work for some people, at least.

>> Is the net an alternate demention

Well, romance is a state of demention in any case, idn’t it?

I’ve got good stories of meeting internet folk, and I have bad stories. I’ve met some real creeps, one of which I damn near married after 18 months of a long-distance relationship.

But, on a high note, I am currently dating someone I met at a chatroom’s monthly (real-time) party, and that seems to be going well so far.

Just take care; I think you have to use some common sense when dealing with some of the people you meet off the internet–like you would in real life.

I have a female freind who does the internet dating thing. She often complains to me that when she meets them face to face, they are not the same as they were online. To which I respond,"DUH!

IMHO, you cannot accuratley judge a persons character from what they type on a keyboard. Anonymity makes some people feel free to stretch, or completely disregard, the truth.

Buyer beware.

The question is not whether you can accurattly judge someone’s charecter based on thier internet persona: of course you can’t. But you also can’t accuratly judge someone’s charecter by thier “Single’s bar” persona, or thier “Church persona” or thier “work persona”. We are all deceptive when we meet new people, especially people we are interested in romantically. We deceive ourselves–I am sure that my SO knows things about me that I myself don’t know. I fail to see how meeting someone on line is significanly different than meeting someone in a smokey bar–in both cases you are not seeing the whole person, and in both cases they may be hiding the fact that they are an ass or a creep. It is natural for an evolviong relationship to move out of the venue you have met in and into different situations where you can see different sides to each other. I would suspect a relationship that stayed exclusivly on-line of being emotionally stagnant, in the same way that I would think a couple who only ever met in the same bar every night was stagnant.

Well, sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t.
I would advise you to get to know all about the person first, exchange info, then try to meet, if posible. But take your time!

I met my husband online. We started out as friendly penpals, got to be good friends, eventually met and fell in love. It has worked out just fine, although the long distance relationship was a tough one to beat in the beginning.

I have a $600 plane ticket gambled on “it works.”

Well, I met my current BF (Soon to be official fiance–I hope) on Yahoo! chat. That was 2 1/2 years ago. He moved in with me 2 years ago this month, and we couldn’t be happier.

I’m apt to say that, while it may work sometimes, the Internet is not the best way to form interpersonal elationships. Because of the degree of anonimity, amongst other things, I think that relationships on the Internet skip the “becomeing attracted to and getting to know” stage and fall directly in to the “confessing deep thoughts andbecomeing ealy attached phase.” I dont think that is a healthy progression. It is kind of like sleeping with someone you just met…it inspires a false sense of closeness that is likely to fall apart later.

But to all those that found their honey on the net, more power to you!

My first two girlfriends started off as net relationships. The second one I ended up dating for almost two years. Yes, we did meet. What it came down to was that the being 3000 miles away thing killed the romance.

I do know a lot of people who have dated over the internet. However, most of the people I know are gay teens, and there’s a bit of a difference. (You’re gay? I am too! Let’s go out!) Not to oversimplify or anything…

There’s differences involved- you have to make sure that the person is who they say they are, for starters, but I think it’s a perfectly valid way to meet someone.

Absolutely true: I met my fiancee through “Oneandonly.com,” which is an Internet personals site. So yes, it did work for me.

Three caveats:

  1. We did not fall in love via the Internet; we feel in love after we’d met and dated. The Internet portion of the relationship was two weeks long as basically involved four E-mails and wannagofercoffee? So it might not qualify as an according-to-Hoyle Internet romance.

  2. It wasn’t a long distance romance.

  3. It’s also worth noting that I didn’t actually set out to meet The One via Internet; in fact, I was actively pursuing a co-worker at the time and had been dating up a storm. Accidental meetings are the best. :slight_smile:

It depends by what you mean by “work out”. I’ve had two relationships that in practical terms lasted longer than a month: one IRL, one net. Neither of them involved us living happily ever after. But I look at the net one (and the boyfriend involved) with much fonder memories, not because it was over the net (gods know) but because I liked the person better and we had a better rapport and much deeper feelings for each other. I don’t think that the Net is as much an alternate dimension as people seem to think.

I’ve an internet friend who was having an internet romance. He was convinced they were “soul mates” and “in love”. They met face-to-face one time. Seemed to go okay at the time, but it has now been 3 weeks since she has emailed or chatted or called him. Of course, there were complicating factors, but I think he didn’t know her anywhere near as well as he thought he did. Poor guy. He’s very upset about the whole thing.

I always equated internet romances as being akin to women who write letters to men in jail. You get all the good soul-baring stuff without the irritating constant physical presence. But then again, I’m ignorant.

My little brother met a girl over the internet. She ended up coming up to visit him and they got along pretty well. It didn’t go anywhere, but c’est la vie. (I probably mispelled that.)

I’d say it goes on a case by case basis, as does any relationship. But I also argue for actually being in the same place and time as the person you are courting. World of difference.

I think with the progression of American culture to the digital realm, we’re going to see a lot more net romance. We now have the power to do much more work than ever before without actual human interaction. Soooo, be eliminating the most common social venues from our daily lives, more people will be turning to the net…

I think we talked about this before a few times. Might be worth it to search, drag it up & have people update what happened to themselves.

As usual, Internet relationships are the easiest relationships of all.

Well, there are a number of couples who have met here on the Straight Dope. One couple has married (quite a while ago), there is another couple engaged, and two more SDers are now cohabitating. A few more are involved in long-distance relationships. So based on the information at just this MB, yup, internet relationships work! Of course, not all relationships work out, period. Of course, I have my own tale of woe to tell…

I met a super guy on the internet at another MB, and we were pals for ages, IMing and emailings and snail mailing. After we had been friends for several months, he reveals he has a crush on me. We live 2,000 miles apart. Looking back on this whole thing, I guess I knew that I didn’t feel the same about him, but I really do love him, he’s a fantastic person, so I kind of went along with him, and by the time he came to visit me he was very, very serious. When we were face to face, I realized that I had been deluding myself and broke his heart. That was two years ago and I still want to bang my head against the wall for hurting him like that when I should have just stopped it from going any further. Happy news is, we’re still good friends. It took a while, but we’re back to being excellent friends, which is where we should be.

After this experience, I have decided that while there is nothing wrong or impossible about internet romance, it is best to meet face to face and see how you really get along before making any serious commitments. It can be hard to remember that there is a a real person on the other side of the line, and this isn’t a game. My friend didn’t turn out to be someone different than how he had represented himself, it was just that when we hung out in person, I saw that the differences that had seemed minor online (like different religions, political beliefs, and what really amounts to a fundamentally different outlook on life) became major, and the fact that we both like the Simpsons, baseball, and fantasy novels wasn’t really a good basis for a serious relationship.