there’s this girl i met online somewhere (forget exactly where), and we’ve been talking to each other for about 8 months or so, and for the past couple of weeks it’s got a bit ‘deeper’…
i’ll set the scene here. we’re very similar. we’re both net-junkies, we love the same music, same kind of foods, we’re both musical ouselves (her much more so), we hold the same views on important stuff (i mean the important stuff in life. not the stupid ‘yeah, this is the best steakhouse in the world’ crap. i mean like kids n war n stuff), and now on top of it all, we appear to be falling in love. not lust. i will repeat that Not lust.
we both wanna meet up, probably some time next year. the problem is that she lives in maryland, and i live in the uk. however, this is what aircraft are for i feel…
we’re gonna see how it goes, if we still feel the same in say 6 months time, then we’ll start looking into flights n stuff.
what i want you opinion on, dopers, is do you think this can work. i know there’s extremist views on this, but i’ve never met anyone so compatible, so totally like me, let alone someone who’s interested in me too. can this work? is there hope?
i’ll apologise to Davebear in advance, cos i can guess he aint feeling too good, altho he really deserves to…
I’m actually am in sort of the same situation (I won’t say we’re in love, but defintely have strong feelings), except that she’s a bit closer (Tennessee to Pennsylvania). Personally, it’s never worked before (though I have a good feeling about this), but I’ve known plenty of people for whom it has worked out. Best of luck, and don’t take things too quickly.
There are several Dopers who met online (many times through the 'boards) and fell in love. Of course, I think in most of those situations they were a little closer to each other IRL than the UK and MD, but hey, if it’s meant to be, then a piddly little pond ain’t gonna stop you, now is it?
Happened to me. At the time I was in the UK and she was back home. Difference was that we met shortly before I left the country, and general emails and chat sessions gradually turned into something deeper…
Yes they can. Bit it will take a HELL of a lot of hard work. admittedly, My situation is a little better (Dublin to London) but still you got to put in that little extra effort to overcome the distance.
My SO and I have been together for a year and a half and we met online. Of course, we are in the same country, but we’re still a 1000 miles apart. It takes a commitment to regular contact, be it through phone, email, IM, or webcam (Occasional sappy notes through snail mail are also a nice treat).
We plan on getting married next year, but first we have to decide who is gonna pick up and move!
thankyou for all you positive responses. i was fearing it would all be along the lines of ‘dont be so stupid, internet romance NEVER works’ the cool thing is a return flight is only about 400, and in my work i can save that up quite quickly. if i really want something that bad i can make it happen, and i we do want this so badly… tbh, this is the first relationship i’ve been in where making the effort seems effortless, and the rewards rather great. and this is the first online one too!
thanks for all yer support dopers! i love ya all
This is what happened to me: One night, in early November 2001, I am at home in NY and get im’ed by a guy in Nevada. We talk, we get along, we talk again many many times. It turns out that he’s in the military and will be leaving las vegas (ha) very soon for…Japan. We start talking on the phone every night. He reveals that he likes me. I realize I like him too. He makes plans to visit me. He reveals that he LOVES me. I am dumbfounded and a bit weirded out. But, he visits me. It’s the most amazing crazy romantic 3 days of my life. We have the most heartbreaking, drawn out, movie sappy-teary goodbye of all creation, at my WORKPLACE, and it inspires sighs of “wow” from my coworkers, who then decide that my boyfriend is a fairy tale godly prince. I then realize I love him too. He moves to Japan, no longer has internet, and our romance heats up…phone conversations lasting SIX HOURS A NIGHT, me talking until after the sun rises (due to the time difference) and drumming up quite a phone bill while having an amazingly sappy “I want to hold you” phone romance.
Did it work out? Just look at my current location to see. He is now my husband.
no, Davebear didnt meet online with this woman. i just hate being really happy about something when someone else is upset with the same thing. it just feels kinda unfair. for the full story, read http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=197284
i really feel for the guy. a few of my friends have been thru the same kinda shit…
I have known relationships to fail and relationships to succeed. I personally don’t have any expierence other then I have met some great friends on the internet. People that I have flown to different states to meet and stay with. I think the longest friendship I have had (meeting on the internet) is 7 years.
I say go for it! Live the dream I never could bring myself to live.
Since I was maybe 13 I had known this girl from Florida online, we were great friends online for about 2 or 3 years but eventually we lost contact of each other. About 5 years later I was down in Florida and I actually met her! She was the most fun gal I had ever met and there was a beautiful sparkle in her eyes…(I know I sound like a sap). Being miles and miles away I conviced myself it couldn’t work out.
But it’s true. I feel like I missed out on something that could have been wonderful. Oh well, life goes on…
There are actually quite a few examples of marriages between dopers who are from different continents. Spiny Norman (From Denmark, living in Germany at the time) and I (Los Angeles) are one. Then there’s Montfort (Washington, DC) and Anniz (Sweden), as well as RickQ (London, IIRC) and Brynda (Michigan). Then there are those who were on the same continent, but still in different countries, like Weirddave (Baltimore, MD) and GingerOfTheNorth (Canada – though I don’t recall where, exactly)
So yes, ** Plankspanker**, it can most definitely work. But as in all relationships, it takes effort and patience. But there’s no reason I can think of why you shouldn’t go for it. I can’t even begin to imagine my life without my amazing husband! Good Luck!
OK, let’s think about this. You decide to buy a ticket and fly to Maryland. You meet. Worst case - it’s not what you expected it to be. So what? Maryland and the area around is quite nice for a visit, and you get a tale to tell.
Go for it. I don’t see where you have a lot to lose.
Or you could do what Spiny Norman and I did and make it way casual by meeting up at a Dopefest. We’d actually had very little (read, almost none) communication online before meeting IRL at Amsterdope. And there’s a Londope coming up on August 23rd. If she can’t afford the airfare, pony it up yourself to get her over to your side of the pond (if you went to MD to meet her, you’d have to pay the airfare anyway, right?). And if the sparks don’t fly in person the way they have online, at least you guys will have a whole bunch of other fabulously fun people to hang out with for the weekend!
I agree with FCM. Just wanted to throw in kudos for being cautious and waiting awhile before seriously pursuring the relationship. You’re being very realistic and level-headed about it, so as long as the girl lives up to her end of the deal, it sounds viable enough.
Happened to me, only he was in WV and I was in KY (about 400 miles difference). We’ve been married almost 5 years.
Plank, yes, it can work but if you two are going to get serious, one of you is going to have to move. Trouble is, you’re probably not going to know if marriage is in the future until one of you does move and takes the risk of things not working out IRL.
Have a lonnnnnnnng talk with her and if either of you have lied about anything, confess now. For example, I watched a girl click online with a guy and he had totally lied about what he looked like. No, looks are not everything, but if the physical chemistry isn’t there, it just isn’t there and you can’t force it. His much-anticipated visit was a flop.
Going to agree with all this. Don’t let your expectations get too high, but it’d probably be worth pursuing. And if it doesn’t work out, you can see some of Maryland. Not my ideal vacation destination, but it works.
The whole “Internet relationships can’t/don’t work” feels so 1998.
