I’ve cracked people up by daring them to read a passage in the old testament with a straight face, and buried in the passage is a reference to the “Golden Hemmorrhoids” used in some ancient ritual.
Now, I know they didn’t mean what we mean by “hemmorhoids” (and I have no idea where one would go to get them gilded) but what did they mean? It’s sometimes spelled “emerods” or translated as “tumors” but I still have no clue. Biblical scholars?
Read Larry Gonick’s Cartoon History of the Universe, the first volume of the collected series. Or some concordance, such as the Anchor Bible series. Apparently they really were golden replicas of what we call hemorrhoids. They were made in atonement of the Philistines’ stealing the Ark and offending the Hebrew God. The Philistines were afflicted with a plague of hemorrhoids on account of this, and had to make and present the golden replicas to the Hebrews in atonement. They also had to make five golden mice (there was a plague of mice, as well).
You’re shitting me, right?
I mean, how would you know what a hemmorhoid looked like, or if your golden replica of it was accurate?
Google around for hemorrhoid. You’ll see that they frequently, um, extrude, so making a model would be unfortunately easy. Just be careful about pulling up the pictures at work. BTW, the Hebrew word appears to come from a root meaning “burn,” and can be used to refer to hemorrhoids and other tumors. However, given the “root” meaning, I’d be willing to believe it actually meant “hemorrhoid.”
Maybe they took a cast?
It is a common practice among various religious communities to make replicas representing one’s afflictions. Shrines are surrounded by replicas of hands, feet, arms, hands, etc., that were cured or that are to be cured by the deity therein. Replicas of animals are also offered as a sign of appreciation.
So, Hebrews making replicas of hemmorhoids would not be too out of place - although certainly raises interesting questions regarding the influence of Semitic religious systems on the Hebrew religion of that time.
Also remember that in the Ark of the Covenant was a rod with buds to remind the Hebrews that Aaron and his descendants were chosen for the priesthood.
Representations, symbols, and reminders play a major role in ancient and modern religious practice.
WRS
If I tried to invent some weird scatological religious practice, could I come up with something less plausible than this?
We all have our hobbies.