Two weeks ago, my fair mistress, you teased me with drives striped down the middle and iron shots of a deftness that indicated a golden age of Gangster Octopus golf playing.
Then yesterday you fucking snatched it all away with drives that were pushed, pulled, and spun everywhere but the fairway. You grabbed my irons and chunked them into the ground, sprayed the ball into the bunkers and behind trees and completely fucked my game.
Fuck you Golf! You are a cruel heartless bitch mistress with the head of a snake and the body of a snake and the feet of a snake (leave me alone, I’m on a roll). You make me sick to my stomach.
Yeah, I’d like to add that this phenomenon is applicable to pretty much all forms of golf-like activity. In particular, it’s extremely applicable to disc golf.
It’s such a bitchy game. I’ll be consistently getting under par for weeks at a time, making epic drives and clutch 50-foot putts. I’m awesome! I’m a rock star! You can’t hang with me, son!
And suddenly, for no apparent reason, I’m pulling, pushing, throwing into trees, chucking 'em into the ground, or flipping 'em over and nearly decapitating the poor schmucks on the next tee pad.
But I keep going back. Siiiigh. Both games just require SO MUCH coordination of moving parts that if you develop a small hitch somewhere in your swing, everything goes to shit.
By the way, I no longer play “disc golf”. I shall be referring to it as “snake feet” in the future.
I’ll be teeing off at 4:40 this afternoon. And I completely feel your pain.
Anyone who says golf isn’t a real sport has never played the game. All it takes is one shitty shot to completely screw a hole. Par 5? In front of the green in 2? Oh, here let me shank the next one into the fucking bunker, that will take 2 more shots to get out of, and then 3 putt for a snowman.
I cannot comment on the OP’s rant as there is every possibility it is I who wrote it. My next call will be to my psychiatrist to explore the possibility that I suffer from split-personalities.
I played TPC Sawgrass last week. A word to the wise, if you put your ball in the rough as often as moi, don’t play at a place named for its abundance of Sawgrass.
It’s awesome that this thread came up just as I was talking in my MPSIMS thread about how my counselor recommended golf as a nice, relaxing form of low-impact exercise that could help clear my mind and build my self-esteem.
