The oven took a shit and probably won’t be replaced till next week. (Yeah, I know. But for what I pay in rent a few days of inconvenience can be dealt with.) So I have three options for hot food right now. Microwave, delivery or my Zippo. I have 2 boxes of frozen onion rings and I’m craving onion rings, so dammit, I’m nuking some rings. And I ain’t sharing, so the neighbors are not an option.
I go into this knowing they’ll likely be soggy no matter what. I’m trying to find any tips that will make them less so. I know, this already sounds like a Mitch Hedberg bit. But let’s see where it goes.
Degree of difficulty. I don’t have any paper towels, and I ain’t going out to get any right now. The oven is somewhere around 1200 watts if I remember correctly.
Wrap them in napkins? I’ve never nuked onion rings so I have no clue but I was going to suggest wrapping them in paper towels but since you don’t have those maybe napkins. Unless you use paper towles as your napkins well then I got nothing.
They’re frozen onion rings. They won’t be any good no matter how you cook them. But having endured the dual dilemma of appliance failure and hunger myself, I’d go with the fry them in a skillet on the stove choice.
Again people, may I refer you to the 3 options? I know enough about cooking to know that the stove would be a handy option. The whole thing is shot. Nuke, delivery…ah to hell with it. Putting 'em on a plate and starting at 2 minutes. Let’s see what happens.
Ok. Nice surprise. They didn’t completely suck. Set them to 2 minutes, flipped, went for another 30 seconds. Evenly heated throughout. They were soft, but relatively dry. Nowhere near as soggy as I’d expected. In fact, I’d describe them more as moist rather than soggy. Fine line, but there it is.
Of course, they would have been much better deep-fried or baked, but in a pinch, rather enjoyable. Of course, I haven’t eaten all day and I’m well into a12 pack of Miller Lite, but I’m actually looking forward to this second box. Just need a puke-covered couch and the weight of crushing student loans and I might feel like I was back in college!
Dip them? DIP THEM?!? You’re mad, sir! Onion rings are to be eaten with a side of beer and maybe a portion of good old warm-blooded red meat. If neither are available then you, at the very least, are never allowed to eat the rings again. No beer to wash them down. Such foolishness!
